Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd... - FML

By purple - France

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

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Family values

Dementia or hate? You decide

BO Central

By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

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By Michael - Australia

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

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By FlyingCoffeeMonster - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

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By KingSnow03 - 31/3/2020 20:00

Stay away from us!

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

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By Jimbob - 28/9/2020 17:01 - United States - Austin

Facts, feelings…

Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML

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By Anonymous - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML

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By xoothc08 - United States

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Planned Parenthood

Today, I got the biggest shock in my life, I'm a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML

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By Ljsmitty - United States

Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

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By Volunteer - United States - Elwood

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

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By fun_gal - 25/3/2020 17:00

Odd one out

Today, my family said that we're all in this together, so I headed over to their house before the stay-at-home orders go into effect. When I arrived, my brother came out to stop me in the driveway to say they were practicing social distancing. From me. FML

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By manymisfortunes - Canada - Lachine

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

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By jen - United States

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

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By Red Toad - 30/11/2020 00:04 - United States - Litchfield Park

Wokescolds gonna get you

Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

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By Gus - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

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By leahrb - United States - Wilmington

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

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By Danny - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I shaved my vagina for the first time ever. Had sex with my husband and then asked if he liked that. He said, "You've done that before, though". I haven't. We've been married 15 years. FML

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By moneyman22 - United States

Little shit

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

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By CapeRanger - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

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By :x - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "nope", and walked out. FML

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By Preggers

Such a helpful kitty!

Today, my cat has taken it upon herself to provide for the heavily pregnant lady. So far I've been presented with a mouse and 3 birds. I know they're for me because she meows until I see them, then walks away again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

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By Heww - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2021 14:30 - United States - Alexandria

Thanks guys

Today I was offered an opportunity on Instagram from a local lady to take photos of her home for her. I told my friends, because I was shocked. They were shocked too. But in the nicest terms possible, they were shocked because my Instagram "isn’t really professional enough to get such offers." Ouch. FML

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By spaghett - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

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By sqquish - United States - Smithfield

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

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By Jessica - United Kingdom

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

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By SatelliteUser - United States

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

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By Nicky13Na

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

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By fucked by sex ed - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springboro

Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML

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Top comments

By time4coffee | 3

#807511 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:47

I am Christian and that kind of jamming Jesus down my throat makes gag.

By Babushka_Homyak | 10

#807408 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:14

I can already foresee most of the comments condemning OP for not being Christian. FYL OP, no one deserves to be forced into religious gatherings/ceremonies/etc.

COMMENTS

By tereshay | 0

#807388 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:09

first?

By Soybean254 | 0

#807389 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By english06 | 0

#807397 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

youthink_fml | 0

#807442 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:24

shouldn't you be somewhere worshipping your non-existant being?

Reply

Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#807464 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:30

obvious trolls are obvious.

Reply

HelloAnna | 0

#807499 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:41

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

time4coffee | 3

#807511 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:47

I am Christian and that kind of jamming Jesus down my throat makes gag.

Reply

mmlprsh | 0

#807552 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:58

at least he can roast marshmallows there :)

Reply

th3_godfath3r | 0

#807571 - Friday 29 January 2010 17:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By pidri | 0

#807402 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Dopeyrox | 0

#807404 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:13

lmao the same thing happened to me once. run away in the middle of the night or just manage there

By Babushka_Homyak | 10

#807408 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:14

I can already foresee most of the comments condemning OP for not being Christian. FYL OP, no one deserves to be forced into religious gatherings/ceremonies/etc.

Reply

nadsm | 0

#807460 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:29

i'm not saying i disagree with you, nobody should be forced or have a religion shoved down their throat, but OP said he/she was invited, not forced.

Reply

alfigel | 0

#807465 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:31

Under false pretense.

Reply

turdburgers | 0

#807467 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:31

invited, yes, but his friend (probably on purpose to convert him) conveniently left out that it was a church trip. Hence why the OP thought they'd be hanging out and roasting marshmallows, not praising Jeebus.

By pidri | 0

#807411 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Kaemon | 0

#807415 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:15

Nothing against camps like that, I Mean, I personally wouldn't go to one, but if someone wants to hey good for them.... but to not tell you what kind of camp? Sheesh, when its that kind of activity, in order to not alienate people one should tell others what it is.

By blastvortex | 3

#807417 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By bobtheduck1990 | 0

#807426 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment