Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd... - FML

By purple - France

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

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There's no helping some people

Out of it

Age ain't nothing but a number

By timmynotjimmy - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 14:00 - United States

Mom hobbies

Today, on a road trip my mom got out to walk her dog. Her jar of Marijuana fell out of the car and rolled across the parking lot. FML

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By Omar Khalaf

Wham!

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

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By jobless - United States

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

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By mama

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to have a "rugrat." FML

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By Braceyourself - United States - San Pablo

Today, I went in for an audition. Since my wrist had been in a brace all week, I felt I would be fine without it for one day because I didn't want it to be a distraction. I tripped in the middle of the dance routine and crashed on top of my injured wrist. FML

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By West

Today, I was promised that I wouldn't have to work late because I had tomorrow off for my birthday. My coworkers decided that none of them want to work late, and that I could do it. So I am stuck working late and have to come in on my birthday, which I had requested off. FML

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By Professor FacePalm - United Kingdom

Today, the police gave me a ticket for obstructing a loading bay as the vehicle "was not parked within the loading bay markings". I couldn't get the vehicle fully into the loading bay because there was a police vehicle in the way. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave my 7 year old a snowglobe. I had spent the last week deconstructing it, putting an action figure of his favorite cartoon character inside, and then putting it back together. Later, I find it smashed into pieces because he wanted to "play with the toy it came with." FML

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By SierraCheyenne - United States - Hannibal

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

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By I Hate My Brother - United Kingdom - Colchester

Brotherly love

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

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By -_- - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

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By Broken - United States - Billerica

Today, I took my nephew to the roller rink and I broke not one arm but both. Now I can't even wipe. FML

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By solyana vr1 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

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By Reeen - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

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By Nearly Crashed - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

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By forever alone

Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML

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By PickYourselfUp - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

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By NYeeerrr

Today, after having my Apple Watch for a year, it asked me something it has never asked me before. As I began my hike around a lake, 10 minutes in, it asked if I was starting to workout. I hit yes, and it then congratulated me on my very first workout. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

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By parentfail - United Kingdom

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

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By Mofisto - United States

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

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By boredwithnothingtodo - Australia - Melbourne

Simple Pleasures

Today, I got a new washer and dryer set. It's sad when all you have to do at night is make popcorn and watch the clothes washing. I even invited friends over. FML

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By jfranklin - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on Facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML

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By insurgent - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

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By dhbeaver - United States

Today, while coming out of Walmart, I dropped a $50 bill. Some kid came running up after me yelling, "Hey mister, you dropped this!" as he ran past me laughing. FML

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By Embarassed - United States - Kent

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

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By issue

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

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By Graham Watson

Today, I'm currently in hospital with a painful and swollen Achille's heel problem. I was dreaming of running down stairs. I then tripped on one, and as I whacked my foot on the stairs in my dream, I also raised my foot and whacked it on the end of the hospital bed. FML

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By jzappe - United States

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

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By noononononono - United States - Sacramento

Today, my Dad came home with a $500 jacket that he'd bought himself for Christmas. I'd bought him the same one, and it's non refundable. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

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By notthe1punchinglittlegirls

A few good men?

Today, I was visiting my in-laws and sharing a room with my husband's 17-year-old sister. Later that night she and her brother of 24 years started fist-fighting over an air mattress and I had to pull them off each other. The brother later berated me with, "You can't handle any pressure!" FML

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By Kutakito - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

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By n/a - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

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Top comments

By time4coffee | 3

#807511 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:47

I am Christian and that kind of jamming Jesus down my throat makes gag.

By Babushka_Homyak | 10

#807408 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:14

I can already foresee most of the comments condemning OP for not being Christian. FYL OP, no one deserves to be forced into religious gatherings/ceremonies/etc.

COMMENTS

By tereshay | 0

#807388 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:09

first?

By Soybean254 | 0

#807389 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By english06 | 0

#807397 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

youthink_fml | 0

#807442 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:24

shouldn't you be somewhere worshipping your non-existant being?

Reply

Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#807464 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:30

obvious trolls are obvious.

Reply

HelloAnna | 0

#807499 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:41

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

time4coffee | 3

#807511 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:47

I am Christian and that kind of jamming Jesus down my throat makes gag.

Reply

mmlprsh | 0

#807552 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:58

at least he can roast marshmallows there :)

Reply

th3_godfath3r | 0

#807571 - Friday 29 January 2010 17:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By pidri | 0

#807402 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Dopeyrox | 0

#807404 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:13

lmao the same thing happened to me once. run away in the middle of the night or just manage there

By Babushka_Homyak | 10

#807408 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:14

I can already foresee most of the comments condemning OP for not being Christian. FYL OP, no one deserves to be forced into religious gatherings/ceremonies/etc.

Reply

nadsm | 0

#807460 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:29

i'm not saying i disagree with you, nobody should be forced or have a religion shoved down their throat, but OP said he/she was invited, not forced.

Reply

alfigel | 0

#807465 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:31

Under false pretense.

Reply

turdburgers | 0

#807467 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:31

invited, yes, but his friend (probably on purpose to convert him) conveniently left out that it was a church trip. Hence why the OP thought they'd be hanging out and roasting marshmallows, not praising Jeebus.

By pidri | 0

#807411 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Kaemon | 0

#807415 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:15

Nothing against camps like that, I Mean, I personally wouldn't go to one, but if someone wants to hey good for them.... but to not tell you what kind of camp? Sheesh, when its that kind of activity, in order to not alienate people one should tell others what it is.

By blastvortex | 3

#807417 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By bobtheduck1990 | 0

#807426 - Friday 29 January 2010 16:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment