Health: Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms...

By HannahBretts - 24/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Turlock

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 292

You deserved it 7 967

Health

Leave us alone

Batman

How could you forget?

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:33 - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 172

You deserved it 3 002

By Rick - 22/05/2012 11:02 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 4 792

By photogirl - 30/08/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 113

You deserved it 7 406

By the attention seeker - 17/04/2013 21:57 - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 857

You deserved it 4 293

By mariokarter - 28/08/2009 04:41 - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 547

You deserved it 6 968

By cockblocked - 11/05/2012 18:29 - United States - Goose Creek

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 852

You deserved it 23 834

By thanksjerk - 11/08/2009 05:01 - Canada

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 952

You deserved it 41 353

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 386

Cool

By daisythebunny1988 - 21/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 184

By ohmylordy - 29/10/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 247

You deserved it 6 628

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 739

You deserved it 1 483

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 04:46 - United States - Middleboro

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 377

You deserved it 2 507

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 175

You deserved it 3 440

What a wuss

By Furbabies - 10/05/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, a few few friends, along with my long-time crush of mine came over to my house so we could finish a school project. As soon as he stepped into my house, he went pale, turned heel, and refused to step foot in my house. Why? Because the bison taxidermy above my fireplace scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 394

By dpap - 18/01/2013 23:03 - United States - Waukee

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 161

You deserved it 3 724

By Solemnwishing - 13/07/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 578

You deserved it 22 418

By Anonymous - 18/04/2018 15:00

Today, after spending 12 hours desperately searching everywhere I could think of, I'm forced to admit I left my wedding ring in the bathroom of the hotel suite we just spent our honeymoon in, on the literal other side of the planet. I am a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 197

You deserved it 1 351

Session done!

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 317

Cover me

By Mrmz07 - 01/05/2016 09:32 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 494

You deserved it 1 557

By RoxahTheGreat - 26/12/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get a bag out in the hallway, the room door closed and I had no key. When I knocked and asked my family to let me back in, no one answered. The doors are clearly not soundproof. I could hear them debating whether or not to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 367

You deserved it 4 056

By CP19JK12KH - 03/01/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 856

You deserved it 3 995

By TMI - 20/04/2009 17:12 - United States

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 213

You deserved it 7 033

By MH - 24/01/2014 12:36 - Norway - Sandnes

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 942

You deserved it 3 957

By datingamoron - 14/02/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 278

You deserved it 3 962

By oops - 14/08/2014 21:54 - United States

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 073

You deserved it 81 368

By Anonymous - 23/08/2017 20:00

Today, I'm a counselor at summer camp. I don't know how to tell the 12-year-old girl in my cabin that I can hear porn playing through her headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 187

You deserved it 290

By loserman - 16/02/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 462

You deserved it 56 225

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 08:50 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 794

You deserved it 3 309

By Anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 320

You deserved it 2 340

By Michelle - 01/09/2010 08:27 - Netherlands

Today, I went to pay my grandma a visit. She called the cops because she didn't recognize me and thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 933

You deserved it 3 458

By Anonymous - 17/11/2016 01:29

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 695

You deserved it 908

Lonesome wheels

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 11:00

Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 924

You deserved it 9 294

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 399

You deserved it 6 636

By Doc - 18/08/2018 13:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 860

You deserved it 181

By Sarah - 12/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 089

You deserved it 4 028

By Junkrat - 08/12/2016 13:32

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 281

You deserved it 3 230

By Anonymous - 27/03/2017 22:00

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 535

You deserved it 383

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 3 034

By kellyem2 - 03/03/2016 18:21

Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 698

You deserved it 1 341

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Top comments

olpally 32

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:21

Oh the instant irony! Haha. Time for some hand sanitizer and a shower.

JasonUMN 15

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:22

Reality TV always over-exaggerates every situation to gain views. You'll be fine sleeping in a hotel bed one night.

kurodansei 16

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:19

Unforrunate reality TV.

dallaschloe2 15

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:26

*unfortunate. There you go :)

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Sunday 25 August 2013 6:47

That's what he said. Don't correct Scooby Doo.

FrietvanPiet 16

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:21

Stop whining

olpally 32

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:21

Oh the instant irony! Haha. Time for some hand sanitizer and a shower.

Nasir_Jones 12

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Saturday 24 August 2013 17:03

Nope, just enough.

juliaannw 11

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Saturday 24 August 2013 17:04

A whole bottle of Lysol may be a little more subtle.

Arrow44 10

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Saturday 24 August 2013 19:41

Who uses Lysol? Febreeze is soooo much better. I know because I watched the commercial.

DividableByZero 11

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Saturday 24 August 2013 21:06

50, you got blindfolded and kidnapped too?

OnlyTheDarkest 17

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Sunday 25 August 2013 18:00

61- Didn't everyone??? MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!!!

V4Vardy 8

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:22

At least you know what to tell the doctor!

JasonUMN 15

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:22

Reality TV always over-exaggerates every situation to gain views. You'll be fine sleeping in a hotel bed one night.

graffitied_love 20

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:34

Who said it was reality tv? It could have been a documentary, NOVA Science Now, ect

Dawnstempest 17

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Saturday 24 August 2013 17:56

@5 That's what I thought too, so I tried it one night. I woke up missing an arm and my right leg was gone below the knee. Bed bugs the doctors told me, after the fact. Germs are the least of your worries OP, I suggest you get out while you still can.