Miscellaneous: Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through...

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 825

You deserved it 6 417

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 956

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 587

You deserved it 2 640

By lizzard0416 - 30/11/2012 03:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 965

You deserved it 9 982

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 375

You deserved it 3 875

Eye bleach

By deardaughter - 14/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 115

By no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no - 01/09/2013 20:04 - Greece - Athens

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 291

You deserved it 3 224

By EwwEwwEww - 19/02/2017 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 853

You deserved it 460

Happy wife, happy life, right?

By tradwife blues - 22/08/2023 15:02 - United States

Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 971

By Avomitmous - 09/02/2014 21:18 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 723

You deserved it 5 326

darienlake 0

Friday 5 February 2010 19:57

hahaha. you should have gone back in and started a conversation while casually using the scissors to cut your pubic hairs and see what he does

RipIt 0

Friday 5 February 2010 19:58

YDI for smoking! naaah just kidding, that's gross!

Comments

NOUman1218 1

Thursday 28 July 2011 22:19

you deserved it. Dont smoke.

Xtranormalful 0

Friday 12 August 2011 23:25

I'm chuck Norris

yety175 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 22:01

he probaly wants you to stop smoking

Splayd 10

Tuesday 27 September 2011 20:57

Smoking is a disgusting habit, sure, but that does not excuse her husband of his repugnant act.

twoitytwoitose 1

Friday 7 October 2011 3:48

Am I the only one who sees the irony here?

tennisrapper1 14

Friday 4 November 2011 23:47

Ydi smoking is really bad for you and you should stop!

sk8er1039 0

Sunday 25 December 2011 10:31

At least now you know

NOUman1218 1

Friday 30 December 2011 23:05

Thats what you get for smoking.

baden18830 5

Friday 2 March 2012 3:20

That's no more disgusting than expecting him to kiss you after you smoke.

TrippingOnAcid 29

Saturday 14 April 2012 1:20

Who uses scissors to cook?

Keywords

Intimacy Sex Anxiety Work Health Cars Transportation Embarrassing AITA Jealousy Love Awkward Vacation Family Language Cute Miscellaneous Education Students Kids Parents First Dates Poopoo peepee Fire Capitalism Food Money Clothes Thief Death

The Top

Today, the guy I was seeing told me it wasn’t gonna work out and that he wished me the best. Apparently I acted “too desperate” for his liking. Gee, I’m sorry, but I guess showing basic decency like buying you a birthday present, buying you lunch everyday, and allowing you to use my Netflix, AKA being loving, is too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 499

Today, my husband’s dream has always been to have a big family. I however cannot physically or mentally handle having any more. He’s now threatening to hire a surrogate to continue pumping out babies for him. We already have 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 102

The Top

Today, I made the major mistake of trusting a fart during a job interview. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 1 026

Today, I was using my boyfriend's phone to call my mom. A text message arrived from "Christina" that said, "Just put the kids to bed, come over." He swears they're only work buddies, but refuses to tell her he has a girlfriend, to avoid making things weird at work. We've been together two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 411

You deserved it 5 031

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 90

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 318

You deserved it 67 510

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 204

You deserved it 200 016

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 783

You deserved it 5 646

Same thing different taste

Spice

Eye bleach

Happy wife, happy life, right?

Top comments

Comments