Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML
Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
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Top comments
darienlake 0
hahaha. you should have gone back in and started a conversation while casually using the scissors to cut your pubic hairs and see what he does
RipIt 0
YDI for smoking! naaah just kidding, that's gross!
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Comments (235)
mjew 7
Smokings bad mmmk
Szaszaspasz 26
This is the first time having a smoke turned out to be a good thing. I hope your husband isn't a cook/chef in a restaurant.
RiverFarrior 4
You actually deserve it...for smoking as #5 and others have said.
Raivyn_Grimm 9
Cntrl-F has revealed 15 counts of "ydi for smoking". You guys are so silly. And unaccepting. But mostly silly.
wiiwi495 5
*gags*
blondiee11 6
Hmm, so uh that's your husband, I see why you smoke.
Zeekal 11
At least it's not as gross as smoking
anonima21 3
So that's where the flavor comes from. Mmm :P
isuckwithnames 22
Why the hell is smoking that horrible now? People have known for decades that they are bad. Also, it's not disgusting if they aren't assholes about it, in which OP seems to be pretty cool about. And OP's HUSBAND doesn't have to kiss her he chooses to. Jesus **** people don't realize things do they.
isuckwithnames 22
Also I know I'm late to this party but goddamnit people are ashholes.
miss_amphetamine 24
So many of these comments are "YDI for smoking." Who cares if OP smokes? Smoking outside really doesn't hurt anyone else as long as she's properly disposing of the cigarette butts and not littering. Plus it's apparent that OP went out of her way to not be near others when she smoked. Yes, it's bad for you, but so is drinking soda or eating fast food. No one here can argue that they've never done one single unhealthy thing. As for the actual point of the FML, OP's husband did something both incredibly rude and unsanitary. Using cooking scissors that didn't belong to him, to cut his toenails, and putting them back? In my opinion the fact that he didn't have the courtesy to clean them is the worst part. I'm sorry, OP.