Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML
Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
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Top comments
darienlake 0
hahaha. you should have gone back in and started a conversation while casually using the scissors to cut your pubic hairs and see what he does
RipIt 0
YDI for smoking! naaah just kidding, that's gross!
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Comments (235)
jlynns79 0
my husband does that kind of nasty stuff too!!! arg!!
isthisanfml 0
smoking kills you dumbass
resultsmayvary 5
um, that's not as disgusting as smoking cigarettes!!
brianjman14 23
I love how you all miss the point of the FML.
happybillie 0
31,(: agreed
brianjman14 23
I love how everyone doesn't focus on the point of the FML.
glitchedgamer 0
Well, you seem to enjoy filling you body with nasty shit anyway, ms. smoker.
Lalala1996 0
Your husbands a winner.
Norther 1
#31 agreed! Smoking sux. Come over to Norway and try snus :-)
JellicleCats1831 0
Yes, and filling your lungs with black tar is so much better. FYL, for smoking