Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML
Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
darienlake 0
hahaha. you should have gone back in and started a conversation while casually using the scissors to cut your pubic hairs and see what he does
RipIt 0
YDI for smoking! naaah just kidding, that's gross!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (235)
geraidersgrl 2
you probably deserved that for smoking. you're killing him for gods sake.
fububc 0
I smoke outside, I don't even smoke in my own car, now that's gross
cutiebug 0
eww that's discustingg
iloveloosy12 0
ydi for smoking
LOLomgWTF 0
Haha no wonder you can't taste the toe jam...smoker. Gross.
fububc 0
#139. at least I was honest, no one is perfect, but come on man, cooking is my passion. my kitchen is supposed to be sanitized!
iamtheplatypus 0
atleast he's not a woman smoking. that's ******* disgusting and a turn off!
fububc 0
not very nice. I'm sure ur not perfect.
fububc 0
why? you don't gve ant imperfections?
iamtheplatypus 0
ajjas ur a ******* pussy I was smoking cigs when I was 13
waterynuggets 0
ROFL Gross!
ash92_fml 0
YDI for being a smoker! grossss.
Frank155 5
Yummy :P
soccerluv10591 0
This would make a great "Isn't smoking just as bad?" commercial.. :)