Kids: Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 19

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 131

08/08/2009 14:53

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 078

You deserved it 72 892

Mother of the year

You tried

Stranded

18/12/2010 03:07

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 879

You deserved it 3 182

Long haul

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 20:01

Today, my flight from China to Moscow arrived late, making me miss my next transfer flight back home to Ireland. I had to wait for 24 hours for the next flight, without food vouchers, without a free hotel room, and without a free plane ticket that the airport was suppose to give. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 79

19/02/2011 01:35

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 386

You deserved it 17 630

11/06/2015 21:04

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to my neighbor's funeral, with whom I had been good friends with for a long time. When I asked her husband why, he said, "We have a small amount of money and can't afford for you to eat all of the refreshments." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 296

You deserved it 3 435

I love that for you

By NeedHeadPhone - 30/11/2009 16:51

Spicy

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 844

You deserved it 2 962

05/11/2016 12:29

Today, after weeks of being addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, I couldn't stop thinking about it while having sex with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 835

You deserved it 4 766

20/10/2018 23:00

Today, my 4 year old son excitedly asked me if he'd get to see drones at the zoo. He apparently thinks drones are living creatures. I guess I can go ahead and spend his college savings on shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 610

You deserved it 1 308

29/08/2011 08:33

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 041

You deserved it 3 842

25/11/2015 00:38

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 084

You deserved it 3 258

28/06/2009 08:25

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 649

You deserved it 3 140

15/02/2013 18:50

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 109

You deserved it 2 311

Bored

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 11:44

Spicy

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 7 232

08/06/2012 21:30

Today, I was running late and couldn't find my purse anywhere. My sleep-deprived brain came up with the brilliant idea of trying to phone it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 384

You deserved it 5 034

Big up retail workers

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 14:00

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 115

13/06/2015 01:22

Spicy

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 241

You deserved it 7 301

28/10/2010 03:27

Spicy

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 271

You deserved it 34 925

04/07/2009 08:58

Spicy

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 934

You deserved it 13 672

16/03/2013 12:17

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 060

You deserved it 4 019

10/01/2016 19:46

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 265

You deserved it 2 615

20/11/2013 03:42

Spicy

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 71 592

08/11/2011 14:39

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 192

You deserved it 8 896

21/04/2012 19:26

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 014

You deserved it 3 210

24/09/2014 01:19

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 106

You deserved it 3 150

Gross, dude

By smells like ass - 02/08/2020 23:03

Today, my boyfriend has only showered about three times since we’ve been on lockdown. Our whole place smells like a sewer main burst in a pro-sports locker room filled with sweaty nut sacks and dead feet. His excuse? "It’s not like we have anywhere to go babe." I can’t even eat around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 356

Check these out, guys!

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 13:59

Today, instead of forwarding my male boss my Covid screening results, I sent him and the entire leadership team an email offer for testosterone boosters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 677

10/02/2010 07:54

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 863

You deserved it 8 449

04/04/2009 01:42

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 010

You deserved it 43 009

It's a valid lifestyle!

By annoyed - 17/09/2021 08:00

Today, my friends and I were finally able to meet up for lunch, amidst all of our busy schedules. We had fun talking and catching up about marriage, kids and careers. One friend decided to cause a huge scene though, because apparently we didn’t take her being a stay at home “dog mom” seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 117

She moves quickly!

By Jbug - 31/05/2018 13:30

Today, my girlfriend found a teacher who taught her 10 years ago. He's a complete player, but she fell instantly and madly in love with him and kicked me to the curb. We dated for 3 years and lived together for two. I was fixing to propose in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 652

You deserved it 322

04/08/2013 19:28

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 605

You deserved it 9 807

08/01/2012 05:38

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared I passed out. I was only on the kiddy hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 190

You deserved it 10 703

01/01/2009 19:09

Today, I have my new iPod Touch, and I'm walking down the street. Since it's really cold, I'm wearing gloves. At some point, I want to change the song, and don't want to remove my gloves. I try changing the song with my nose, for about 3 minutes, until I realize I look really stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 221

You deserved it 37 439

04/05/2011 03:24

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 195

You deserved it 4 096

26/12/2012 14:32

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 461

You deserved it 3 853

Sorry, dude

By Aussie mate - 24/09/2020 08:01

Today, I got up and started getting ready for work. As I entered the bathroom, I noticed a moth in the shower. Feeling generous, I caught the moth in a cup and took it to the front porch. I released the moth and watched it fly away… into a giant spider and its web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 184

17/08/2009 02:45

Spicy

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 019

You deserved it 5 672

18/10/2011 14:16

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 596

You deserved it 5 088

23/11/2016 21:14

Today, the district manager visited. Also today, I got called into the office to talk about "personal hygiene". The assistant store manager asked me if I had some kind of medical problem and advised me to shower regularly because my co-workers have been making comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 174

You deserved it 4 214

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 182

09/12/2012 13:18

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 570

You deserved it 2 826

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

nuked 0

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:27

You're an idiot

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:28

why would you go there if your ex husband showed you that spot....

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:26

thats really awkward...

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 21:53

I hope this is a FML for the ex and the child... I bet it was 10times as awkward for them.

dx169 0

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 22:23

YDI for hiking

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 23:13

Lol @ YDI for Hiking. I always said Hiking was bad for u. ^^

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 23:16

If you have a 8 year old son, I'm guessing you're over or near 30. In which case, YDI. People that old shouldn't be "getting intimate" ew

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 23:27

What, so after you turn 30 you are just never going to have sex again....Grow up.

Send a private message

Sunday 9 August 2009 0:02

exactly.

Send a private message

Sunday 9 August 2009 0:24

LOL

justdancebbyx3 7

Send a private message

Sunday 9 August 2009 0:40

Who the hell gets intimate on a hiking path? KINKY BITCHES

Send a private message

Sunday 9 August 2009 1:12

Lol @ 62 and anyway, why get intimate in a forest? What about all the bugs and shit? That seems weird to me, but perhaps it's just me :P

Send a private message

Sunday 9 August 2009 1:19

LMAO 62. What a coincidence...

imthatguythatdid 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2011 20:06

just finish up like a boss then say hello son! how are you today? If he says "what were you doing mommy?" say FUCKING and someday u will too. and its great!

nuked 0

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:27

You're an idiot

Send a private message

Monday 9 May 2011 23:33

Agreed..Instead Of Being With Your Fucking Boyfriend YOU Shouldve Been With Your Son On That Hiking Trip....Fucking Idiot. >=(

Send a private message

Thursday 23 June 2011 5:56

Why did you feel the need to capitalize every word in your comment? And I think OP has a right to spend the time with her boyfriend opposed to her ex who was also hiking with the son. Though I do hope she still takes care of her son properly.

CarlosDanger 12

Send a private message

Monday 10 November 2014 20:18

Getting intimate in public is not okay.

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:27

I assume this was on a weekend? And your ex-husband likes hiking? YDI for not thinking ahead. What did your son say?

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 21:37

Of course you'd want to know....Pervert

wickeddrummajor 0

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 22:48

they deserve it for screwing on a hiking trail

NostalgiaFreak9 40

Send a private message

Thursday 20 August 2015 20:37

He was probably scarred after seeing his mother fucking another man.

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:28

why would you go there if your ex husband showed you that spot....

Send a private message

Sunday 9 August 2009 6:04

My thoughts exactly. YDI

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 June 2010 21:13

I third that ^ and btw you're a real bitch to really do that, besides who knows if you get poison oak or ivy down there. YDI

kittykat1501 31

Send a private message

Monday 22 June 2015 7:28

Ydi Soooooooooooooo bad

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:29

You should've at least went of the trail a bit...

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:33

YDI for hiking

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:34

YDI how about trying to find a new spot.

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:35

you failed miserably...YDI

oh_mi_shizzle 0

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:36

why did you go to the yea to try to hook up in the first place?! don't either of you own a place or at least make the effort to get a hotel room for te occasion?! I truly feel /aboslutely terrible/ for your child... can't imagine how awful that was for him. "daddy why is mommy being tackled by a strange grunting man?" YDI...

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 22:47

Whore.

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 October 2014 0:13

I've never had sex outside, but bedrooms can get old. It's fun going to new places.

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:36

YDI for imagining you were making out with Clay Aiken!

YouAreRidiculous 0

Send a private message

Saturday 8 August 2009 20:41

aahh!! that, my friend. is a CLASSIC line. epic win.

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 June 2010 21:16

LMAO! epic fail