Miscellaneous: Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service...

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 07:19 - United States - Reno

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 238

You deserved it 28 787

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

What have you got yourself into?

What a tit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 10:59 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 297

By lala - 25/01/2010 17:21 - United States

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 365

You deserved it 33 940

By ow - 18/12/2016 18:33

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 616

You deserved it 590

Hot lava

By bubba7901 - 19/03/2021 10:59

Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 12:16

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 455

You deserved it 965

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 00:01

Today, I spent five hours in the back seat of a car with two dogs. Both had been sprayed by a skunk earlier in the day. One had a gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 184

By Stalked - 29/04/2016 08:49 - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, I found a love letter in my mail. It was from a girl I met at a bar few weeks ago. I never gave her my address or last name. I guess I have a stalker now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 047

You deserved it 1 561

By fatti11 - 14/01/2017 18:00

Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 802

You deserved it 1 115

By Sapphirlinda - 03/07/2010 23:25 - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 741

You deserved it 3 258

By Anonymous - 15/11/2015 17:36 - United States - Show Low

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 072

You deserved it 2 257

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 14:02

Today, my wife got back from a "homesick" trip to NY State. She brought her boyfriend back with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 68

Psychopath's joke

By hannieannie - 20/11/2019 01:00

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on our 2nd date. We decided to get to know each other with a game. I asked him what makes him nervous. He said "talking to really attractive girls." I then asked him if I was making him nervous. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 248

You deserved it 15 755

Footloose

By Imnotfromhere - 16/06/2021 10:59

Today, my neighbor told me to stop pushing the elevator buttons and opening doors with my feet. I bitched him out, because he's been making a huge issue out of it for months. Right after, I realized I forgot my keys inside and he's the only person around that can let me in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 667

By Pooldead - 28/07/2019 04:00 - Germany - Munich

Today, while introducing my girlfriend to my family, everyone told me that she looked exactly like my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 236

By MerryChristmas - 15/07/2018 14:30 - United States - Moore

Today, I went to a Christmas-themed amusement park with my 21-year-old autistic sister who adores Christmas. She took her picture with Santa and started crying happy tears. Then Santa asked her loudly, "Aren't you beyond old enough to know I'm not real?" Vacation ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 589

You deserved it 415

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 385

You deserved it 1 738

By denise - 23/11/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 799

You deserved it 4 927

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 4 152

By hrs220 - 21/05/2016 21:55 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 822

You deserved it 1 510

By Anonymous - 01/11/2018 15:30

Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 391

You deserved it 1 190

By Anonymous - 02/07/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, was my first day working for a real estate company. just as I sat in my car my pants ripped hugely from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants and three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 955

You deserved it 9 174

By Lordy - 03/08/2016 11:33 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I went to work to find a picture on my desk of me with my buttcrack showing put there by an anonymous person. FM

I agree, your life sucks 13 577

You deserved it 2 433

By CanadianEH - 08/11/2016 23:39

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 597

You deserved it 3 195

By heartbroken - 09/09/2013 07:19 - United States - Cupertino

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 585

You deserved it 4 508

By swervelol - 14/07/2016 19:06

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 702

You deserved it 1 085

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 01:26 - Israel

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 792

You deserved it 10 280

By Mouse - 17/10/2012 23:15

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 464

You deserved it 2 362

By Mexican - 19/06/2016 03:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 373

You deserved it 1 477

What did you do?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized that my husband's family hates me for something I did 10 years ago. When I was 18. I’m so done apologizing for it. My daughter does not deserve to see her mother treated like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 01/02/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 511

You deserved it 7 170

By footyfallout - 16/08/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 123

You deserved it 53 540

The Dilbert Principle

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 02:25

Today, I had to attend an interview in order to keep my job, despite exceeding all of my targets for over a year. My supervisor has not reached a single target at all in the same time, yet his job is safe and not under review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 90

Thanks, I guess…

By Gabrielguitar - 25/04/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 826

You deserved it 5 295

Road angst

By Fishypickles - 21/09/2021 10:59

Today, my anxiety and depression were so bad that when I went to the post office and failed three times to parallel park, I promptly burst into tears, apologized, and drove off when a very nice lady offered to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 136

By BurntBroken - 09/01/2017 13:16

Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 1 474

By not invited - 13/12/2015 01:13 - United States - Appleton

Today, a close friend told me she had no plans for her birthday. I found out she was lying when I had to serve her and 9 other mutual friends dinner at the restaurant I work at. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't invited or that none of them even remembered that I worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 928

You deserved it 1 579

By Pisspants - 17/09/2016 04:39 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 080

You deserved it 2 798

By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 482

You deserved it 6 180

By that was mine - 15/05/2015 22:26 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 783

You deserved it 2 316

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Top comments

PenguinBitch 43

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:37

Atleast you acknowledged your mistake. Others will be quick to blame customer service.

royal_ranger 12

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:33

Derp Moment.

heirofhope 38

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:31

Oh no! That's really awkward. We all make mistakes OP, it's okay. Hopefully you got out of it!

Senorangelo 10

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Sunday 14 December 2014 20:48

FHL, seriously, I wonder how he got out of this trouble...

JacobFurness 7

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Monday 15 December 2014 23:15

#21 Probably by making an account

feven 32

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:32

Life wasted

imapartypooper 15

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Monday 15 December 2014 4:47

Life is always wasted when you are on the phone listening to that awful staticy (I know, not a real word) music that they always play.

royal_ranger 12

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:33

Derp Moment.

leviheichou 15

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:34

Pretty sure that must've been awkward

PenguinBitch 43

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:37

Atleast you acknowledged your mistake. Others will be quick to blame customer service.

awkotaco333 15

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:38

How does that even happen

cakefete2 30

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:38

That's when they assist you with account creation. If they're in customer service, they have unfortunately seen worse.

Sandman366 6

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:26

They work dealing with people. This was probably one of the easier cases they had all week. (And certainly an easier one to laugh about with coworkers.)

Zman2017 18

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:40

Welp... Just gonna be honest here. This is one of the dumbest things I have heard in a fair amount of time

rocketiquette 20

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Monday 15 December 2014 20:45

So true! Why waste an hour pretending for sake of you thinking someone else might think you're dumb, when you could've just said, "sorry my mistake, I actually just remembered I hadn't created an account yet!" I don't understand why that freaks out people so much. It's not a big deal.

ColonelCusswords 24

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:41

Cocain is a hell of a drug...

Zman2017 18

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:43

Cocaine. And I believe that when Lois said that, she said meth, not cocaine

ColonelCusswords 24

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:45

Whos luis?

Zman2017 18

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:47

Never mind. I thought you were trying to quote family guy... My bad

russfml 31

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:55

It's a Rick James quote from The Dave Chappelle show

trellz17 19

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Sunday 14 December 2014 19:41

Trust me, that has happened to me too, although I wasn't compelled to called customer service. And even though you could've cured cancer with those five minutes you wasted, I wouldn't worry about it.

TiiBags 15

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Sunday 14 December 2014 20:13

*1 hour and 5 minutes

trellz17 19

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Sunday 14 December 2014 21:28

Oh. *walks away slowly...

Brandi_Faith 33

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Monday 15 December 2014 7:28

I too have tried to remember a password I had for an account only to realize I hadn't created one yet (although I've never called customer service about it). If you're like most people that are on the Internet a lot than you probably have many accounts with different websites and stores and it's hard to keep track of which ones you have. My advice is to write a note in your phone, or computer, of all your accounts with each password, you can use some signs (like *) to block out some letters if you're worried about someone reading it, or just label it under a weird name for a note so no one will open it.

Ki11erC 18

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Tuesday 16 December 2014 17:10

Or use lastpass or something similar. Forgetting you even made an account is easily checkable on most sites though. Forgot password link, use your email address and 99% of the time it will tell you if that address is on the system.