Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
NothingsEasy 4
And that's why you don't over drink ladies and gentleman
yoursucklives 36
that was bound to fail.
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Comments (116)
DogsPaw 16
This + OPs name made me laugh.
onelove858 5
She is pissing her life away.
hecallsmedarlin 7
If this was suppose to be a pun it was a bad one
liscentious23 1
Can you do better?
KeyboardWarrior 10
Don't challenge him, or urine for some trouble...
MEM0817 18
At least she attempted to urinate standing up in the bathroom and not the closet or else where... She got half of it right at least!
downtime 13
...You've been drinking haven't you.
lowshadows 21
well that was a failed attempt. makes me glad Imma dude.
DogsPaw 16
Holding down Liquor... She is, now if she was pissing and throwing up your comment would be relevant.
KKC74 0
Hah! I've done that before! (not drunk)
DjeePee 25
Me too. Made me feel so awesome, peeing in a park a night, all while standing up. Unfortunately, it's a lot less fun when you pee on your shoes.
fiveofhearts 3
Question. Successful or not?
CastleHCP 1
Your pissed girlfriend pissed you off in an attempt to piss. Puns aside, OP, that whole situation is rather hilarious. You should have run for the camcorder. America's Funniest Home Videos pays people for that kind of stuff. Women should not try to piss standing up. It's just one of those things that men were always meant to be able to do better. No offense to women, we're just designed for it. Just like guys can't eject blood through their vaginas once a month.
MigraineurOfLife 15
What do they eject from their vaginas then?
liscentious23 1
Seriously? If you don't know the answer to this question you must still be pre pubescent
ShyAnn29 15
Lol 39!
liscentious23 1
Oh my bad, I was speed reading as usual
emilyjgraham 34
that was a rubbish pun! and in females defense, there are quite a few women who have tried successfully at weeing whilst standing up!
j_cat187 20
#31. Dumbass
liscentious23 1
When you're drunk you're just out of your head sometimes... I'm betting she didn't remember that the next day?
MigraineurOfLife 15
She was just thinking "I'll show him what it's like when you miss the bowl"!
hecallsmedarlin 7
Haha yes us women do hate cleaning up mens piss off the toilet because they can't make it all in. Pay back is a bitch I must say.
ActionFearo 39
We really do try not to miss...