Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
NothingsEasy 4
And that's why you don't over drink ladies and gentleman
yoursucklives 36
that was bound to fail.
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Comments (116)
zeldaluvr2007 15
Hope your bathroom floor has tile/linoleum ;) if not, that'll be a pain to get out of carpet.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Since when has anyone had a carpeted bathroom? I have never seen it. If you have, the person who did it made one stupid mistake...
shrdlu 28
I remember one carpeted bathroom, because my cigarette burned the carpet.
ebbyblock 4
It happens. Grew up with carpet there for 15 years. Finally remodeled with marble tile and dang it is cold now.
writerchic85 26
There is carpet in both my bathrooms. I thought it would be gross but it's nice and warm on my feet. I do want to get it replaced with tile though.
pablopoo 7
Cool gf haha has humor ur lucky:)
failureusername 12
Sorry about your floor OP, hopefully she will be the one cleaning up the mess once she sobers up.
LoganBurrito 6
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.... And the floor.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Was she singing, "Anything you can do, I can do better.."?
LuckyLynx7732 5
And that is when you let her pass out on the bathroom floor for the night.
emilyjgraham 34
eh? just cus she's going to the toilet doesn't mean she can't hold her drink! puking is different but wee?
donut_gurl 8
i think she succeeded on urinating standing up, but failed while attempting to get it in the toilet bowl. Also, some girls can do this. i bet Op's missed the bowl once or twice in his life
hecallsmedarlin 7
Men ALWAYS get a little on the seat. Like when their flow is just about done and it turns into driplits... And then when they decide to shake it before putting it back. .... I always wondered why they do not use toilet paper to dry off the little remainder when they are finished... Who wants to walk around with little drops of pee in their underwear?! Meanwhile how disrespectful it is since the girlfriend is probably getting ready to put it in her mouth soon. Haha...gross, now that I think of it....
ActionFearo 39
Because it looks kinda prissy to wipe it off after. Plus, we gotta keep that scent wafting about.
daydreamer244 13
Drunk people are just so damn funny.
sambudd14 2
No matter how jealous of us males you all may be, it WILL end in disaster.