Love: Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend...

By Harry Dare - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33899

You deserved it

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Love

Family values

Taking stock

Bustin' my ass

By Me - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

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8847

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Campinas

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

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55647

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By ouagadougou - United States

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23035

You deserved it

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By sm702 - United States

Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23416

You deserved it

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By shanti

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42818

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81899

You deserved it

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By overly nationalistic redneck - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

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48218

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By argh - United States

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34607

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

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27970

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

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25922

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Someone else

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3907

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By Anonymous - United States - Clemmons

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55536

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29288

You deserved it

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By deathparty352

Unpleasant, but clean

Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML

I agree, your life sucks

721

You deserved it

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By TrophyGirlfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53771

You deserved it

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By James - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18312

You deserved it

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By lauren - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39995

You deserved it

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By theleague - United States

Today, when I arrived at the airport for my international flight there was no record of my ticket in the system. Turns out the flight was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12305

You deserved it

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By McSlave - Australia - Cammeray

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32850

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

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38666

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By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58781

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54813

You deserved it

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By Pisspants - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML

I agree, your life sucks

10061

You deserved it

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By RainbowSuck - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7093

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By Mick_The_Disappointment

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3066

You deserved it

173

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By yeah - United States - Eugene

Today, I got in trouble for missing my shift. According to my idiot boss, "Crashes don't just happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28659

You deserved it

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By lax22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47507

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Miss Pissy

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

835

You deserved it

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By Mik - United States

Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17095

You deserved it

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By ........................... - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52746

You deserved it

6114

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By Nikki Lynn Richardson - 18/5/2020 02:00

Late arrival

Today, I went to the store to go buy a pregnancy test because my period was 7 days late. I get home, go into the bathroom, pull down my underwear, pee and come to find out I'd started my period when I looked at it after peeing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

287

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By relievedbutashamed

Today, I left a coffee shop abruptly to go to my car to let out some really bad and loud gas. My window was partly open because it's broken. A stranger was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He looked terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1825

You deserved it

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By Rakoric

Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4750

You deserved it

399

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 01:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

That's… sexy

Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

850

You deserved it

250

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By Nope - United States - Healdsburg

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27272

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35157

You deserved it

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By Ryan - France

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38374

You deserved it

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By Wowseriously - United States

Dumpster Fire Boyfriend

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

155

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By juice723 - United States - Marblehead

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42311

You deserved it

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By silentbutdeadly - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

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Top comments

By ThatGenericGuy | 6

#3224513 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:44

Admit it, that turned you on.

By enonymous | 8

#3224540 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:48

She probably has to put up with your
Dutch ovens. Only fair

COMMENTS

By ThatGenericGuy | 6

#3224513 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:44

Admit it, that turned you on.

IdontWanna69 | 8

#3224518 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:45

I'm getting hard from just reading this ;)

FarSide | 22

#3224560 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:53

My wife does that to her navel.

WCARlover | 34

#3224564 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:53

Not as much as your picture does

futtbuck101 | 1

#3224565 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:53

Mmm kinky

FFPulley | 9

#3224609 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:04

If her pits stink that bad, imagine what everything else must smell like. Yummy!

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3224616 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:05

remember not to breathe in threw your nose, OP

DinosaursAreCool_fml | 8

#3224673 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:17

Buy her deodorant for Christmas?

Pixxio_O | 11

#3224718 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:29

At least she didn't smell your armpits and started gagging...

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#3224724 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:30

Spray her down with Febreeze while she's sleeping. Then hang some pine tree air fresheners from her toes.

yoursucklives | 36

#3225406 - Saturday 3 September 2011 2:32

i imagine this like in the sims. do green stink lines come from her pits!?

laneylovesu2 | 3

#3225593 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:16

You can play this off... Take a hot shower together;)

LostSaiyan | 3

#3225788 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:55

#70 win!

hope540 | 0

#3226454 - Saturday 3 September 2011 6:40

Oh, what a keeper!

nromanyuk | 4

#3226884 - Saturday 3 September 2011 7:51

70 - best advice!!

RainbowHeadache | 2

#3227291 - Saturday 3 September 2011 9:25

We all sniff ourselves when we think you men aren't looking.

macman23 | 4

#3227335 - Saturday 3 September 2011 9:46

At 25 who dat gonna beat dem saints? Im pretty sure the Seahawks did haha

WeemanIsBack | 3

#3227529 - Saturday 3 September 2011 11:26

70 - Smooth!

tahvoh | 3

#3230320 - Saturday 3 September 2011 21:59

hahahaha! GENIUS!

stevenJB | 25

#3445224 - Monday 17 October 2011 15:38

The best outcome to this situation :D

By lannie1234 | 0

#3224516 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:45

Mmmm sexy, you loved it abd know it(;

max_wilder | 9

#3224735 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:33

^^^^^^ ^^^^^^
• •
/.
___

max_wilder | 9

#3224745 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:35

^^^^^^ ^^^^^^
• •
/.
___

drawmesunshine | 17

#3224756 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:36

I like the eyebrows.

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3224804 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:50

41... Your pick is very... Disturbing

ukrage | 1

#3226465 - Saturday 3 September 2011 6:45

And yours isn't :)

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3227830 - Saturday 3 September 2011 13:33

Hahahahaha neither is yours :)

kkmwong | 11

#3230544 - Saturday 3 September 2011 22:49

Love the picture 41

drawmesunshine | 17

#3234073 - Sunday 4 September 2011 17:57

Thank you (:

By kablooey_01 | 3

#3224517 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:45

eww

animalover721 | 3

#3226261 - Saturday 3 September 2011 5:49

Hey! Tell your girlfriend there is this new thing! It's called, DEODORANT.

By perrymaker | 0

#3224520 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:46

What's wrong with that? She's saving water from not showering :P

Jacobt24 | 19

#3226414 - Saturday 3 September 2011 6:22

If they really want to save water they can shower together

djack0113 | 0

#3241870 - Monday 5 September 2011 19:08

Ya she's just trying to save the environment

By lbeer | 1

#3224523 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:46

So everyone stinks people just cover it up

By daydreamer244 | 13

#3224530 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:47

she's a keeper!

hockey199813 | 5

#3224580 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:57

In the basement

poopybutt12345 | 0

#3225694 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:34

Chained to the radiator...

jellybeans4833 | 7

#3226741 - Saturday 3 September 2011 7:27

with million dollars worth of some kind of air freshener or fragrance.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3227132 - Saturday 3 September 2011 8:34

73 that'll just make her sweatier.

By PiXiEdUsT07 | 7

#3224534 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:47

deodorant?

Molzen | 3

#3224596 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:00

Stinky*

Mysanitywins | 10

#3225604 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:19

Original comment.

By RaineLee | 5

#3224535 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:47

Kinky.

By KaelaKhaotic | 5

#3224538 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:48

That's sexy and you know it. ;]

theten_fml | 9

#3225302 - Saturday 3 September 2011 2:12

Clap your hands

swimchica22 | 0

#3226059 - Saturday 3 September 2011 4:58

Kaela

swimchica22 | 0

#3226098 - Saturday 3 September 2011 5:08

By enonymous | 8

#3224540 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:48

She probably has to put up with your
Dutch ovens. Only fair