Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend...

By Harry Dare - 2/9/2011 16:31 - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

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Love

White line fever

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Vultures

By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Life imitates bad art

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

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By Gahh... - 3/12/2012 05:18 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 09:33 - Australia

Today, I got my first tip. It was a Mentos. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2020 18:00

Our house, was a very very very nice house

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

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By Oops - 23/5/2010 09:21 - Australia

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

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By Anais Strongrump III Jr. - 9/5/2014 20:41 - United States - Garland

Today, my parents decided to get with the times. So far, they've made me get Snapchat and Instagram accounts, and made me add them on Facebook. They keep acting like annoying teenagers, and get mad at me when I don't play along. For the love of god, somebody save me. FML

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By -.- - 19/1/2015 01:18 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

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By crétin-crédule - 26/2/2013 05:02 - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

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By InnocenceBlue - 31/7/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

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By unifail - 22/1/2009 10:48 - Canada

Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

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By pixie - 17/2/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said "you smell really good." He turned to me and said "You don't." FML

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By CooBerry3851 - 28/8/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom

Parenting fail

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

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By Azcrazy - 3/8/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

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By hazeblaze - 6/10/2017 23:15

Today, I noticed that my dad's Whatsapp profile picture was a very close up shot of his new wife's boob. None of us know how long he had this online. FML

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By - 9/1/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

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By Fsd - 5/11/2008 07:35 - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2019 04:00

Amazon addict

Today, I found out my husband spent us into overdraft charges through compulsive online shopping. Again. FML

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By Eric - 14/3/2020 06:05

Shut up and take it

Today my college professor told me that I ask him too many questions. Apparently, my college tuition fee doesn't include learning. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

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By KiloLima01 - 8/1/2009 03:59 - Australia

Today, I met a really hot chick while waiting for the bus. We spoke for 4 hours till we got to our destination. She hugged me and we parted ways. Later that day I realised she stole my phone. FML

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By snowlover - 16/2/2014 07:37 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

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By Snowin2007 - 9/1/2010 08:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

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By Kurt's Dad - 15/5/2019 16:04

Today, during my grandmother's funeral, my talented ten-year-old son found the church organ and began playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 02:02

Boom, headshot!

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

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By Hannah - 4/3/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

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By Username - 31/1/2011 15:47

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

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By rindawg - 20/1/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 22:40 - Sweden - V?ster

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

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By WastedTime - 7/8/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

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By RyanTheMan15 - 31/10/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house watching a home makeover show with her and her mom. The show's host had a giant portrait of himself on his wall and then I said, "I hate it when people do that, it's so stupid." Her mom stared at me and pointed to the portrait of my girlfriend on the wall. FML

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By waterdog - 18/4/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 02:00

It's a marathon, not a sprint

Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML

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By oops - 8/8/2011 18:11 - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend opened the car door in a very kind and loving way. What wasn't so kind and loving was that my hand was still half-way when he closed it. FML

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By supersmashpika - 18/7/2015 06:01 - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

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By megan228 - 20/3/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 23:56 - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

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Top comments

By ThatGenericGuy | 6

#3224513 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:44

Admit it, that turned you on.

By enonymous | 8

#3224540 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:48

She probably has to put up with your
Dutch ovens. Only fair

Comments

By ThatGenericGuy | 6

#3224513 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:44

Admit it, that turned you on.

IdontWanna69 | 8

#3224518 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:45

I'm getting hard from just reading this ;)

FarSide | 22

#3224560 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:53

My wife does that to her navel.

WCARlover | 34

#3224564 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:53

Not as much as your picture does

futtbuck101 | 1

#3224565 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:53

Mmm kinky

FFPulley | 9

#3224609 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:04

If her pits stink that bad, imagine what everything else must smell like. Yummy!

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3224616 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:05

remember not to breathe in threw your nose, OP

DinosaursAreCool_fml | 8

#3224673 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:17

Buy her deodorant for Christmas?

Pixxio_O | 11

#3224718 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:29

At least she didn't smell your armpits and started gagging...

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#3224724 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:30

Spray her down with Febreeze while she's sleeping. Then hang some pine tree air fresheners from her toes.

yoursucklives | 36

#3225406 - Saturday 3 September 2011 2:32

i imagine this like in the sims. do green stink lines come from her pits!?

laneylovesu2 | 3

#3225593 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:16

You can play this off... Take a hot shower together;)

LostSaiyan | 3

#3225788 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:55

#70 win!

hope540 | 0

#3226454 - Saturday 3 September 2011 6:40

Oh, what a keeper!

nromanyuk | 4

#3226884 - Saturday 3 September 2011 7:51

70 - best advice!!

RainbowHeadache | 2

#3227291 - Saturday 3 September 2011 9:25

We all sniff ourselves when we think you men aren't looking.

macman23 | 4

#3227335 - Saturday 3 September 2011 9:46

At 25 who dat gonna beat dem saints? Im pretty sure the Seahawks did haha

WeemanIsBack | 3

#3227529 - Saturday 3 September 2011 11:26

70 - Smooth!

tahvoh | 3

#3230320 - Saturday 3 September 2011 21:59

hahahaha! GENIUS!

stevenJB | 25

#3445224 - Monday 17 October 2011 15:38

The best outcome to this situation :D

By lannie1234 | 0

#3224516 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:45

Mmmm sexy, you loved it abd know it(;

max_wilder | 9

#3224735 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:33

^^^^^^ ^^^^^^
• •
/.
___

max_wilder | 9

#3224745 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:35

^^^^^^ ^^^^^^
• •
/.
___

drawmesunshine | 17

#3224756 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:36

I like the eyebrows.

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3224804 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:50

41... Your pick is very... Disturbing

ukrage | 1

#3226465 - Saturday 3 September 2011 6:45

And yours isn't :)

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3227830 - Saturday 3 September 2011 13:33

Hahahahaha neither is yours :)

kkmwong | 11

#3230544 - Saturday 3 September 2011 22:49

Love the picture 41

drawmesunshine | 17

#3234073 - Sunday 4 September 2011 17:57

Thank you (:

By kablooey_01 | 3

#3224517 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:45

eww

animalover721 | 3

#3226261 - Saturday 3 September 2011 5:49

Hey! Tell your girlfriend there is this new thing! It's called, DEODORANT.

By perrymaker | 0

#3224520 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:46

What's wrong with that? She's saving water from not showering :P

Jacobt24 | 19

#3226414 - Saturday 3 September 2011 6:22

If they really want to save water they can shower together

djack0113 | 0

#3241870 - Monday 5 September 2011 19:08

Ya she's just trying to save the environment

By lbeer | 1

#3224523 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:46

So everyone stinks people just cover it up

By daydreamer244 | 13

#3224530 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:47

she's a keeper!

hockey199813 | 5

#3224580 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:57

In the basement

poopybutt12345 | 0

#3225694 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:34

Chained to the radiator...

jellybeans4833 | 7

#3226741 - Saturday 3 September 2011 7:27

with million dollars worth of some kind of air freshener or fragrance.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3227132 - Saturday 3 September 2011 8:34

73 that'll just make her sweatier.

By PiXiEdUsT07 | 7

#3224534 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:47

deodorant?

Molzen | 3

#3224596 - Saturday 3 September 2011 0:00

Stinky*

Mysanitywins | 10

#3225604 - Saturday 3 September 2011 3:19

Original comment.

By RaineLee | 5

#3224535 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:47

Kinky.

By KaelaKhaotic | 5

#3224538 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:48

That's sexy and you know it. ;]

theten_fml | 9

#3225302 - Saturday 3 September 2011 2:12

Clap your hands

swimchica22 | 0

#3226059 - Saturday 3 September 2011 4:58

Kaela

swimchica22 | 0

#3226098 - Saturday 3 September 2011 5:08

By enonymous | 8

#3224540 - Friday 2 September 2011 23:48

She probably has to put up with your
Dutch ovens. Only fair