Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
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Top comments
genuinegoodguy 9
Oh. Dear. Me. No way back from that which I can see. I assume you’re now the ex?
juggalo2 21
Did you try to walk your soiled sheets through the kitchen to the laundry yourself, get in a tug of war with her mum, and wind up spattering her family with your faeces? Been there...
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Comments (6)
genuinegoodguy 9
Oh. Dear. Me. No way back from that which I can see. I assume you’re now the ex?
juggalo2 21
Did you try to walk your soiled sheets through the kitchen to the laundry yourself, get in a tug of war with her mum, and wind up spattering her family with your faeces? Been there...
BurnInDemonFire 35
If you're drinking so much you shit yourself, you should see your doctor for help ditching the booze.
lifeis4me 20
Drinking past your limit alone is unrecommended. Doing so around others is ugly. Doing it around your SO’s family is the worst. I’m sure she’s more embarrassed than you
Taurus_ChicKa 36
Yeah, you totally deserve that. You knew you were going to be meeting your girlfriend's parents and you intentionally drank too much. That's on you.