Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was walking out of a park, I bent to examine a mosquito bite I had. As I looked up, I noticed a nearby couple staring and whispering in abject horror before calling their kids over to get bug-sprayed, pointing me out. Terrified, they immediately complied. It’s not even my worst bite. FML
Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML
Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked, I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML
Today, I finally gave in and agreed to try holding my girlfriend's pet tarantula. The moment I did, it bit me. According to her she’s had him 4 years and he’s never so much as nipped her, never mind a full bite. Lucky me. My hand is twice the normal size and I can feel my heartbeat in it. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
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Top comments
Jaywin 3
What bug was it? I mean if it looked dangerous you should've known but if you thought it was a ladybug or something harmless, then that's just bad luck.
i_am_tiff_21 0
Next time listen to your kids. I hate bugs except for ladybugs, butterflies, and caterpillars.
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Comments (80)
wobbs 0
@ 51. Do you only have one hand? If so, I apologize. If you have two like the rest of us, there's your answer. Try not to look for ways to rip apart all fmls.
cefarix 5
Today, I was minding my own business just going for stroll looking for some food... When all of a sudden two humanlings come and start poking and prodding me, while making dreadful noises. Scared, I tuck my legs and antennae in and try to become as small as possible. Then a fully grown human comes and picks me up. It's about to crush me with its hands when I suddenly lash out and bite its hand. I got away, but now I have only four legs. So much for dinner. I hate humans. FML
protooler31 0
WIN
glockjaw 0
You know what's not funny? You, #53. Go fail somewhere else, thanks.
birchofacookie 0
I don't think a creepy old guy asking if he can put a very tiny rubber band around your wrist is a bug.
laffytacky_fml 0
wait, if its the size of a balloon, how are you typing this?
ecox45 0
Dumbass
douggiek 0
dumbass
amazingkate 0
do not teach your children to pick up things they don't know about.
protooler31 0
agree #59...
MandaLuvsYouMore 0
That Would ******* Suck. Aha. What Did Your Kids Say After Thaat.?..(: