By Shitsuo01 - United States - Douglasville Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML I agree, your life sucks 4300 You deserved it 362 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By onwardsandupwards - 21/1/2020 14:00 Need help Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML I agree, your life sucks 1902 You deserved it 429 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By creeper-status - United States - Irvine Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 12054 You deserved it 953 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Polmkk - United States Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML I agree, your life sucks 30602 You deserved it 5417 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By livingonmyownfromnowon - United States - Olivehurst Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML I agree, your life sucks 18613 You deserved it 1502 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoRespect - United States Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML I agree, your life sucks 38546 You deserved it 3242 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skigal24 - United States Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML I agree, your life sucks 32575 You deserved it 16532 215 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fmylife - United States Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML I agree, your life sucks 9241 You deserved it 120665 414 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML I agree, your life sucks 10942 You deserved it 41056 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoHamForMeThanks - United States - Oak Ridge Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML I agree, your life sucks 30480 You deserved it 2597 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JuniorDetective - United States Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML I agree, your life sucks 47327 You deserved it 17787 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Disappointment - United States - Gresham Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML I agree, your life sucks 4000 You deserved it 1920 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pete Today, it's the third day I've been at home recuperating from ear surgery. My surgery was on the same day my neighbor started renovating. There's been hours of jack-hammering every day I've been home. FML I agree, your life sucks 2580 You deserved it 116 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BedazzledAlpaca - United States - Englewood Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML I agree, your life sucks 34742 You deserved it 4282 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cakegirl - United States Today, my boyfriend invited me over so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom hands me a box. When I got home I opened it. His mom baked me a break up cake. FML I agree, your life sucks 58107 You deserved it 3785 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58 Big boss man Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML I agree, your life sucks 771 You deserved it 82 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why me - United States - Milford Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML I agree, your life sucks 11291 You deserved it 1894 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML I agree, your life sucks 59351 You deserved it 3573 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shield1123 - United States Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML I agree, your life sucks 40216 You deserved it 2333 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By damnthedog - Australia - Wollongong Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML I agree, your life sucks 36200 You deserved it 7329 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Old and Ugly - United States Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML I agree, your life sucks 29879 You deserved it 2476 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bathroomblunder - Canada Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 31723 You deserved it 4495 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML I agree, your life sucks 26231 You deserved it 5360 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jess - United States Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML I agree, your life sucks 11327 You deserved it 71569 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Raela - United States - Fort Lee Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML I agree, your life sucks 23656 You deserved it 7504 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML I agree, your life sucks 36097 You deserved it 3061 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML I agree, your life sucks 57518 You deserved it 17029 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Buena Park Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML I agree, your life sucks 25746 You deserved it 2498 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alex - United States Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML I agree, your life sucks 10148 You deserved it 58889 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML I agree, your life sucks 41881 You deserved it 4103 228 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Champion sucker Uh... Okay? Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML I agree, your life sucks 4561 You deserved it 1603 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmlfmlfml - Canada Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 24818 You deserved it 60722 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lifeless - United States Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML I agree, your life sucks 29365 You deserved it 12414 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Southport Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 48543 You deserved it 4079 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML I agree, your life sucks 27158 You deserved it 4261 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States - Parrish Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML I agree, your life sucks 39360 You deserved it 6671 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I'm a moron Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML I agree, your life sucks 572 You deserved it 3034 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kbrider - United States Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML I agree, your life sucks 47065 You deserved it 9146 189 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML I agree, your life sucks 49409 You deserved it 9346 318 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hobo - Canada - Chilliwack Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 31473 You deserved it 2136 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - France - Issy-les-moulineaux Today, I had a heart attack. In the hospital the doctor compared my heart to that of a stressed out 60 year-old's. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 24079 You deserved it 1920 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LyricaSilvan | 29 #7383965 - Thursday 5 January 2017 10:17 Oh god...That mental image gave me chills. Ugh. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Cynical_1 | 26 #7383824 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:08 Well...that's one insect with a knack for finding great places to hide. Apparently even bugs love boobs. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By karacakal2 | 30 #7383823 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:02 Lucky insect. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Cynical_1 | 26 #7383824 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:08 Well...that's one insect with a knack for finding great places to hide. Apparently even bugs love boobs. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Ultimate_Batman | 28 #7383825 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:09 Does FML Staff see all comments? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply Cali | 54 #7383827 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:13 We see all of everything. Send a private message Reply
Reply Tripartita | 44 #7383835 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:47 Excellent. The second sentence needs an indefinite article between "saw" and "small". Might I recommend my favorite indef-art*: "a"? *cool people abbreviation of indefinite article. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By chirstinap325 | 21 #7383826 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:11 I feel like the insect was framed. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By dramaelf | 37 #7383828 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:24 Cheeky little bug, isn't he? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #7383834 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:44 Note to self: if I ever feel the need to bite someone, have a small bug at the ready to throw into their bra and take the blame. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By RichardPencil | 29 #7383855 - Thursday 5 January 2017 3:15 Yeah, we know the size of the bite and the insect, but what is the size of the bra? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By commandokid | 13 #7383869 - Thursday 5 January 2017 5:31 Lol wait were you still wearing the bra at the time? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By anaheimangels40 | 11 #7383892 - Thursday 5 January 2017 6:49 I Guess this is where the term boobs the size of insect bites comes From! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 529 You deserved it 125 7 Comments
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1006 You deserved it 51 6 Comments