Animals: Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out... - FML

By Shitsuo01 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4300

You deserved it

362

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Instadrama

Amazon Prime

By onwardsandupwards - 21/1/2020 14:00

Need help

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1902

You deserved it

429

Tweet

Share

By creeper-status - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12054

You deserved it

953

Tweet

Share

By Polmkk - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30602

You deserved it

5417

Tweet

Share

By livingonmyownfromnowon - United States - Olivehurst

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18613

You deserved it

1502

Tweet

Share

By NoRespect - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38546

You deserved it

3242

Tweet

Share

By skigal24 - United States

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32575

You deserved it

16532

Tweet

Share

By Fmylife - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9241

You deserved it

120665

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10942

You deserved it

41056

Tweet

Share

By NoHamForMeThanks - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30480

You deserved it

2597

Tweet

Share

By JuniorDetective - United States

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47327

You deserved it

17787

Tweet

Share

By Disappointment - United States - Gresham

Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4000

You deserved it

1920

Tweet

Share

By Pete

Today, it's the third day I've been at home recuperating from ear surgery. My surgery was on the same day my neighbor started renovating. There's been hours of jack-hammering every day I've been home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2580

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By BedazzledAlpaca - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34742

You deserved it

4282

Tweet

Share

By cakegirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom hands me a box. When I got home I opened it. His mom baked me a break up cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58107

You deserved it

3785

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58

Big boss man

Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

771

You deserved it

82

Tweet

Share

By why me - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11291

You deserved it

1894

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59351

You deserved it

3573

Tweet

Share

By shield1123 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40216

You deserved it

2333

Tweet

Share

By damnthedog - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36200

You deserved it

7329

Tweet

Share

By Old and Ugly - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29879

You deserved it

2476

Tweet

Share

By bathroomblunder - Canada

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31723

You deserved it

4495

Tweet

Share

By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26231

You deserved it

5360

Tweet

Share

By Jess - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11327

You deserved it

71569

Tweet

Share

By Raela - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23656

You deserved it

7504

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36097

You deserved it

3061

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57518

You deserved it

17029

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25746

You deserved it

2498

Tweet

Share

By Alex - United States

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10148

You deserved it

58889

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41881

You deserved it

4103

Tweet

Share

By Champion sucker

Uh... Okay?

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4561

You deserved it

1603

Tweet

Share

By fmlfmlfml - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24818

You deserved it

60722

Tweet

Share

By Lifeless - United States

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29365

You deserved it

12414

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Southport

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48543

You deserved it

4079

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27158

You deserved it

4261

Tweet

Share

By me - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39360

You deserved it

6671

Tweet

Share

By I'm a moron

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

572

You deserved it

3034

Tweet

Share

By kbrider - United States

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47065

You deserved it

9146

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49409

You deserved it

9346

Tweet

Share

By hobo - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31473

You deserved it

2136

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. In the hospital the doctor compared my heart to that of a stressed out 60 year-old's. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24079

You deserved it

1920

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LyricaSilvan | 29

#7383965 - Thursday 5 January 2017 10:17

Oh god...That mental image gave me chills. Ugh.

By Cynical_1 | 26

#7383824 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:08

Well...that's one insect with a knack for finding great places to hide. Apparently even bugs love boobs.

COMMENTS

By karacakal2 | 30

#7383823 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:02

Lucky insect.

By Cynical_1 | 26

#7383824 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:08

Well...that's one insect with a knack for finding great places to hide. Apparently even bugs love boobs.

By Ultimate_Batman | 28

#7383825 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:09

Does FML Staff see all comments?

Reply

Cali | 54

#7383827 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:13

We see all of everything.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#7383835 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:47

Excellent. The second sentence needs an indefinite article between "saw" and "small". Might I recommend my favorite indef-art*: "a"?

*cool people abbreviation of indefinite article.

Reply

Cali | 54

#7383836 - Thursday 5 January 2017 2:08

Noted.

By chirstinap325 | 21

#7383826 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:11

I feel like the insect was framed.

By dramaelf | 37

#7383828 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:24

Cheeky little bug, isn't he?

By Tripartita | 44

#7383834 - Thursday 5 January 2017 1:44

Note to self: if I ever feel the need to bite someone, have a small bug at the ready to throw into their bra and take the blame.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7383855 - Thursday 5 January 2017 3:15

Yeah, we know the size of the bite and the insect, but what is the size of the bra?

By commandokid | 13

#7383869 - Thursday 5 January 2017 5:31

Lol wait were you still wearing the bra at the time?

By anaheimangels40 | 11

#7383892 - Thursday 5 January 2017 6:49

I Guess this is where the term boobs the size of insect bites comes From!

By melana09 | 19

#7383898 - Thursday 5 January 2017 7:00

The bug got in a booby trap