Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as I was walking out of a park, I bent to examine a mosquito bite I had. As I looked up, I noticed a nearby couple staring and whispering in abject horror before calling their kids over to get bug-sprayed, pointing me out. Terrified, they immediately complied. It’s not even my worst bite. FML
Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML
Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked, I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML
Today, I finally gave in and agreed to try holding my girlfriend's pet tarantula. The moment I did, it bit me. According to her she’s had him 4 years and he’s never so much as nipped her, never mind a full bite. Lucky me. My hand is twice the normal size and I can feel my heartbeat in it. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
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Top comments
Jaywin 3
What bug was it? I mean if it looked dangerous you should've known but if you thought it was a ladybug or something harmless, then that's just bad luck.
i_am_tiff_21 0
Next time listen to your kids. I hate bugs except for ladybugs, butterflies, and caterpillars.
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Comments (80)
Go_Home 0
The irony is just absolutely hilarious. And #20, it is not Karma related at all.
greensharpie 0
lesson learned - bugs are scary
kneegrow143 0
#13 needs to go back to high school biology. "True Bugs" or "hemiptera" are an order of the class "insecta" which are within the phylum of "arthropoda." Spiders or "araneae" are an order of the class "chelicerata" which are also within the phylum of "arthropoda." So, saying spiders are bugs is wrong in every possible way.
losergirl 0
Don't pet dogs you don't know, don't pick up bugs you're not sure about.
Julle_fml 0
So your hand swells up to the size of a ballon, but before going to the doctor, you submit the story to fmylife.com? :P
Heathersaur 0
I agree with #26 on this one...
lotlux29 0
Major stupidity.
AdamB_fml 0
Did you type this with one hand?
Huff7 0
you definitely deserved that one, but your life is still f*cked.
robbietherabbit 0
lol everyone, "bug" isn't a technical term