Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML
Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML
Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML
Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I heroically caught a falling cup of coffee that I'd knocked off the counter. I thought I'd saved the day, until I realized I didn’t actually grab the cup; I'd grabbed the hot coffee directly with my bare hand. I spent the next few seconds hopping around like a maniac while everyone in the office watched. FML
Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs, while dropping everything else I was holding. FML
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML
Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
the_boss_fml 0
its not like youll need to be using it, if you still live with your mom
Peanu_theGreat 0
... You were naked?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (220)
dr_house_MD 0
you were naked?
ramdoodle45 0
what kind of weenie can't catch
mr_kurtz 0
i like turtles
qkzp 0
HAHAHAHAHAH THAT SUCKS. sorry to laugh at your misfortune... but then again, this whole site is basically dedicated to laughing at misfortune. therefore... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
princess333 0
sucks to be u !!!
mr_kurtz 0
my penis is on fire, my penis is so hot my mum threw me a mars bar and my coffee was upsot
HugoZorilla 0
Did your mommy kiss it and make it all better?
ParadoxVT 0
Christ, why is everyone here so stupid? I sleep in my boxers, and on weekends, holidays and days where school occurs late I don't shower right away. Instead I have a cup of coffee to wake me up and prepare me for the day while I relax. Notice: BOXERS. Have all of you noticed that boxer's aren't that long to cover your legs? And yet are thin enough to burn you? CORRELATION! Everyone who's saying how he's sick and disgusting for "not wearing anything" when his mother's around is insecure about their own privates. I could care less if my mother saw my privates, it's just another part of my body. People generally drink coffee in the MORNING, which explains why his reflexes were SLOW. I'd be surprised if any of you here was at their best right when they wake up in the morning and are lazing about.
mr_kurtz 0
Dude your totally in luck because the key to healing the wound is in the mars bar...just rub it slowly up and down your penis and shout out these words, "MARS BAR MARS BAR DO YOUR TRICK, HEAL MY SLIGHTLY SCALDED DICK"...trust me this works like a charm
dew_fml 0
yep, i feel urpain 101 to bad theres no cure for dumbass