Miscellaneous: Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar.... - FML

By holyshart - 05/06/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 476

You deserved it 2 561

Age difference

Heavy traffic

GERD Gang!

By Deweyboy - 30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 718

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 195

Connecting people

By sam - 02/12/2020 23:01

Today, I learned that the person my ex-girlfriend left me for is my ex-girlfriend from before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 121

By acnecream - 03/05/2013 13:23 - Finland - Kinnulanlahti

Spicy

Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 262

You deserved it 73 574

By Jssceli09 - 18/12/2009 08:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 559

You deserved it 24 796

By Nosexever? - 25/10/2018 13:30

Today, my husband started a new job as an OTR truck driver. He was assigned one week of home time each month, which happens to be the same exact week my period comes every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 076

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 24/02/2017 03:00 - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 066

You deserved it 2 243

By Noname - 26/02/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 942

You deserved it 9 120

By _kristaaxo - 21/11/2016 09:24 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 269

You deserved it 1 512

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 04:01

Today, for my birthday, I got a hotel room for me and my boyfriend. He decided that spending time with a female friend was more important than spending time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 3 884

By j - 26/07/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 379

You deserved it 30 142

By Vlad - 24/12/2018 14:00

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 367

By Anonymous - 23/04/2015 12:28 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 2 804

BO Central

By jess - 16/12/2020 06:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I was loudly asked if I'd rubbed poop all over myself this morning. I shower three times a day, brush my teeth for 10 minutes twice a day, and wear copious amounts of antiperspirant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 1 642

By ohsnap - 28/10/2009 10:14 - Australia

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 672

You deserved it 35 233

By Anonymous - 10/02/2014 15:40 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 954

You deserved it 21 057

By Insane Guy - 21/12/2012 06:47 - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 265

You deserved it 7 835

By Shodan2112 - 18/02/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 9 610

By anonymous - 07/04/2010 04:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 917

You deserved it 7 262

By BadDay - 20/09/2016 05:04 - Australia - Beerwah

Today, being a little stressed, I managed to lock my keys inside my car. I was taking this fairly calmly until, while waiting for roadside assistance, I overheard another woman in the same carpark say, "No, of course I didn't lock my keys in the car! I'm not a COMPLETE idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 812

You deserved it 1 310

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 17:14 - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 960

You deserved it 4 404

By Girl - 19/08/2009 00:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 987

You deserved it 5 305

By lol - 25/01/2012 15:54 - Canada

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 024

You deserved it 30 304

By ScaryOldMan - 07/10/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 13 215

By sfabsits - 17/07/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 840

You deserved it 3 288

By dentallycorrect - 19/08/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 209

You deserved it 5 377

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 573

You deserved it 2 912

By kaz89 - 28/10/2010 14:19 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 541

You deserved it 8 228

By fyreangel - 10/11/2016 21:39 - United States - Warren

Today, I replaced my dating apps with food apps cause at least someone will show up after I use the food apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 293

You deserved it 953

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 747

You deserved it 3 576

By doh - 10/01/2009 05:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 4 374

By pantsareathing - 13/06/2015 17:10 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 421

You deserved it 2 442

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 08:24 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 906

You deserved it 6 660

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 05:16 - Canada

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 115

You deserved it 21 133

By cmac1229 - 23/06/2009 22:52 - United States

Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 119

You deserved it 51 283

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 17:00 - Canada - Elora

Spicy

Today, I was cleaning my older brothers room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 393

You deserved it 1 546

Happy Birthday, Sweaty

By jezebel - 17/03/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from the office telling me I was fired. When I asked why, my boss explained my mother called and told him I was in a "weak mental state." She thought she was helping me get off for my birthday. Now I have no job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 389

You deserved it 3 439

By Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 169

You deserved it 3 239

Doing my part

By VonGore - 03/09/2021 14:00

Today, my professor stated that every student who had perfect attendance would be exempt from taking the final. Having perfect attendance so far, I was thrilled. Then come to find out I have jury duty the day before the exam; she won't excuse my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 101

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:35

They're outta this world! Okay...I'm done...

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:36

I guess your room mate was trying to get sugar high. I don't think they understand that concept lol.

Comments

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:35

They're outta this world! Okay...I'm done...

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:37

Stop while you're ahead plz and thank you...

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:38

What he fantasizing something while smoking them?

MrSassypants 32

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:39

#10 Well #1 did say they were done... Well never mind. #14 please continue. *Gets popcorn*

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:39

#10-Spell complete words please and thank you

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:40

Who knows? In 1,000 years we could all be sitting on Mars smoking Earth bars.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:40

What = was

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 17:05

Well, he's trying new alternatives...

nerobluerose 10

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 19:02

I'm just wondering, was he really trying to smoke it or trying to melt the chocolate and lick it off? If he was trying to smoke it, did it turn his teeth brown?

OriginalimoaN 15

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 20:53

I'm just wondering how that's an fYl op...

tennisrapper1 14

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 21:33

1 - it's about time you're done Mr. West!

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 23:31

17 just blew my mind

anythingmustbe 18

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Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:12

Yeah better than weed

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:35

Your roommate seems odd...

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:48

Yeah but at least he didn't come after him trying to eat him like a zombie.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:56

Yeah what a weirdo, I've heard of making an apple into a bong but wtf!

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 17:11

Pretty sure he was already high...

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 17:31

He's not odd. I lived that life for a while too. What he needs is support and love right now as he struggles to overcome his addiction. Mars is not your god, OP's roommate! You have the power to stop smoking candy bars!

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 17:46

Just a little odd lol! I wonder if the roommate was already stoned or on something.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 19:45

Put it in your pipe and smoke it.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 23:42

Why thank you, theres a first for everything.

BunchieRules 31

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Thursday 7 June 2012 1:25

Who knows what he was doing before OP found him... taking the blue M&M? Injecting chocolate syrup into his bloodstream? Snorting piles of sugar? Smoking sugar canes? Okay, I'm done.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:35

Mars bars are out of this woorrrllldddd duuuddeee

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:38

Damn someone got to it before me :(

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:45

It was a shitty joke the first time, too.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 20:15

I appreciate the gesture 48

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:36

Wow. This is truly a life-ruining experience. FYL.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:36

I guess your room mate was trying to get sugar high. I don't think they understand that concept lol.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 17:32

That's some next level shit

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 23:04

Chocolate wasteddd!!

xleanne_aLly 23

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Wednesday 6 June 2012 13:08

Nah, he was probably already high and just wondering if he COULD smoke a chocolate bar. My sister tried to do the same thing with a snickers yesterday. All bakeddd and shit.

NothernNightmare 18

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:36

Your roommate wants to get high as the planet! ;)

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Wednesday 6 June 2012 3:33

No just no

Thisismypchere 8

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:36

that's quite odd

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:36

That's.... Genius!

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Wednesday 6 June 2012 0:05

It is genius, i fail to see the FML here though, i mean he could have eaten it when his roommate realized it wasn't going to work

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:36

sooo... was it working? no, but seriously... that's a weird thing to walk in on.

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 17:32

Oh, there are worse things to walk in. This site will show you almost all of them. (Congrats on first comment my good lady!)

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 20:23

Ah I know I know, this site never fails to fascinate me :) And thank you very much, good sir.

bmkc4 1

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 16:40

Must have already smoked something else first...

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Tuesday 5 June 2012 17:45

Yep, the roommate has the munchies now...

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 35

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 53

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 699