Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML
Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML
Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML
Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I heroically caught a falling cup of coffee that I'd knocked off the counter. I thought I'd saved the day, until I realized I didn’t actually grab the cup; I'd grabbed the hot coffee directly with my bare hand. I spent the next few seconds hopping around like a maniac while everyone in the office watched. FML
Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs, while dropping everything else I was holding. FML
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML
Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
the_boss_fml 0
its not like youll need to be using it, if you still live with your mom
Peanu_theGreat 0
... You were naked?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (220)
fizzywizzy22 0
ydi, because mars tests on animals
Kiarra_fml 7
This is why I don't drink coffee. It does nothing but bring people harm and are u okay?
Icalasari 0
Who knows? Maybe you will find a girl who likes her wieners boiled ;P
epic_delight1337 0
wow u guys suck. his pants wernt off. he was wearing shorts. leg still shows out of shorts and it could have gone through them. i like how everyone immediatly assumed that you were naked with your mom. nice.
teebonehead 0
Let me get this story straight , you were sitting naked drinking coffee ,watching TV with your mum and she threw a candy bar at you and hit the coffee cup, splashed all over your naked wiener ? YDI
alex_vik 0
Ouch, no fapping for a while.
tko 0
well, my shorts go to my KNEES, so the only "bare skin" is from the knee down, and my penis doesn't reach just that far (YET, maybe it will grow a foot and a half :p) so i find it hard to imagine him burning BOTH his BARE legs and his penis, UNLESS he was naked...ew lol #3
dew_fml 0
Ok, let's see there's bare legs and he's drinking coffee which ive seen about 99% of people drink in the morning, wait, mabye he was sitting down in a robe in his underware, could have been open a little and look there's your explanation!
wrestler17 0
I agree with number 34 all the way
guitardedman 0
goddammit quit saying ******* proceeded!!!!!!! she THREW the ******* candy bar to you, she didnt proceed to throw it at you! god dammit quit being a ****** when you word your fml stories. why the **** don't my legit fmls get posted when idiots like this get theirs...