Miscellaneous: Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick... - FML

01/10/2012 23:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 390

You deserved it 1 729

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Kids are assholes to each other

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

28/12/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 548

You deserved it 2 738

14/02/2013 13:18 - United States - Allendale

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 216

You deserved it 44 000

12/11/2009 11:17 - Australia

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 820

You deserved it 49 398

Start 'em young

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 23:00

Today, my 3 year-old toddler wanted to try my wine. I kept telling her it’s adult juice and she wouldn’t like it. When she kept bugging me about it I gave in, and gave her a tiny sip. She liked it, and continued to bug me about it even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 1 333

21/03/2012 21:06 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 536

You deserved it 3 320

Bragging

By lastalittlelonger - 05/12/2009 09:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 549

You deserved it 3 129

30/08/2018 23:30

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 723

You deserved it 377

18/03/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I finally realized that the only time my mother talks to me is when she needs money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 350

You deserved it 3 203

11/12/2018 07:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I met up with my ex girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 3 503

10/03/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 823

You deserved it 4 480

01/01/2015 00:29 - United States - Livermore

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 634

You deserved it 3 258

01/11/2014 22:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 669

You deserved it 3 510

Mix up

By luckygirl - 06/06/2019 12:09

Today, I have a bad cold, so I've been carrying tissues around with me. I noticed our puppy had pooped on the floor, so I grabbed a napkin and cleaned it up, then threw it away. I then blew my nose with my tissue. Apparently, I threw away my tissue and used the napkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 566

06/03/2016 16:50 - United Kingdom - Spalding

Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 596

You deserved it 1 546

What the hell did you do?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 07:01 - United States - Steele

Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 121

Memento

By annie - 31/12/2020 02:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, at the age of 24, the only way I can remember anything at all is if I repeat it over and over again like a mantra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 76

20/02/2016 02:46 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 540

You deserved it 1 825

27/10/2012 07:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 270

You deserved it 3 828

03/12/2016 09:54 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 511

You deserved it 985

Tradlife blues

By Anemity_is_my_name - 17/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I wish I could go back to living alone in a van, sleeping, eating, and showering in the truck stop that's near my job. I've tried to be a model husband and father for over a decade, and am left depressed, and exhausted. I love them all just enough to not actually abandon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 203

27/06/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 197

You deserved it 3 991

28/07/2012 16:02 - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 322

You deserved it 6 066

07/08/2011 09:52 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 5 859

05/11/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 521

You deserved it 4 720

It's good to learn!

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 20:01

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 179

13/07/2009 02:30 - United States

Today, I bought a CD off a man who always plays Spanish guitar in the subway. When I got to work and tried playing the CD, it was blank. I paid $15 for a blank CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 081

You deserved it 21 642

21/02/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 282

You deserved it 27 644

29/01/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 734

You deserved it 22 605

Who's been a naughty girl?

By one cock too many - 04/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m the guy whose wife made adult films in college. Although embarrassed, I thought I may be able to get past it. Except for the fact that we dated in college, and she insisted we wait until after we were married to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 448

You deserved it 338

09/02/2011 10:02 - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 469

You deserved it 46 474

Horoscopes are horseshit

By Fuck horoscopes. - 26/05/2021 17:01

Today, my (ex)girlfriend broke up with me because she read the horoscope and it stated that people of the Aquarius sign are toxic and emotionally volatile. I am Aquarius and did nothing wrong to my friends or family as far as I can recall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 64

20/07/2009 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 548

You deserved it 13 289

05/04/2011 07:47

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 394

You deserved it 45 744

01/04/2012 03:01 - United States - Livingston

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 196

You deserved it 2 861

27/12/2011 03:15 - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk because I couldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 508

You deserved it 2 681

06/10/2013 05:20 - United States - Huntsville

Spicy

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 422

You deserved it 5 746

07/09/2011 16:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 317

You deserved it 7 541

22/06/2016 02:39 - United States - Kingston

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 682

You deserved it 1 175

29/08/2009 14:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I stretched really hard when I woke up, only to feel something twang. This was followed by a really sharp pain. Thinking I'd given myself a hernia, I got up to check myself in the mirror, and was repulsed by the bulge I saw hanging out of my gut. Then I realised it was just my own flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 041

You deserved it 40 428

12/06/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 463

You deserved it 6 633

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:06

What a total brick!? You chute kick him out.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:04

Who throws a brick down a laundry-chute? Hope you heal up OP!

Comments

mikeofthunder 13

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:00

What were you doing in the laundry chute lol?

beccaishereyay 11

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:08

There's two openings to a laundry chute you know...

UrCapsLockOn 12

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:12

What happens in the the laundry chute stays in the laundry chute

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:13

Except for falling bricks from your idiotic roommate.

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:27

Why would you be under the opening in a laundry chute? What if someone threw dirty underwear down??? That wouldn't hurt but wouldn't be pleasant. You shouldn't stand under any type of chute ever!

XmyviolentheartX 13

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:43

Except a parachute, I mean if you want to live of course...

beccaishereyay 11

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:51

16- extremely valid comment.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:10

Uhh maybe they were gathering laundry to put a load in? Just a guess.

MormonPornstar 7

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:35

Well.. I think 3 has the best comment. Makes it easy to compare a chute to a vagina. Nobody pits bricks in cooters, so you shouldn't put it in the chute.

MormonPornstar 7

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:36

5* Fan't rucking gead cood :(

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 11:58

^ What did I just read?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 13:44

26/27, ...wtf are you even saying?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 14:08

When my brother and I were younger, we had a babysitter that let us play in the laundry chute we had, we got a rope, and she would hold one end while we would climb up the laundry chute, that babysitter didn't last very long, lol

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 19:25

Maybe the weight of the brick sent it flying like a projectile out of the chute

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:04

Who throws a brick down a laundry-chute? Hope you heal up OP!

xlord 27

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:05

OP's roommate

MormonPornstar 7

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:31

Yeah, duh.. idiot

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:34

Kids.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 18:05

What does OP mean?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:06

What a total brick!? You chute kick him out.

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Wednesday 3 October 2012 5:10

I totally agree with your puns. (P.S. "Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to..." F. Y. L. )

chippa 24

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:09

Your roommate after you beat the shit out of him/her?

TheMathMajor 26

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:21

I just have to say that your picture is really funny. XD

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:40

I'm imaging OP getting slapped around by a, uh, hand penis thing. Quite amusing.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:10

Wrong place at the wrong time.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:11

You realize your roommate threw the brick because he knew you were in the laundry chute, right?

MormonPornstar 7

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:33

You realize you're just now realizing what the rest of us instantly realized?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 12:29

Realizeception!

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:17

I'm hoping you threw the brick at his face and made him go with you!

borkchop1992 15

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:18

Bad luck brian tries to do laundry

perdix 29

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:34

I'm putting my money on: 1) Tim Tebow 2) Ke$ha 3) Vladimir Putin How much do I win for guessing correctly?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 13:42

Why was this thumbed down?

ohcheriecherie 20

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 15:42

Who the fuck voted perdix down?

perdix 29

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 15:52

I'll bet it's a bunch of sore losers that were pissed off that I was going to win the Guessing Game. We have to wait for the OP to tell us the answer. Surely, it's got to be one of my guesses and I have a hunch who it i$ ;)

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 9:43

Kick them out...now!!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 59

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 149