Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML
Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML
Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML
Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I heroically caught a falling cup of coffee that I'd knocked off the counter. I thought I'd saved the day, until I realized I didn’t actually grab the cup; I'd grabbed the hot coffee directly with my bare hand. I spent the next few seconds hopping around like a maniac while everyone in the office watched. FML
Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs, while dropping everything else I was holding. FML
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML
Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML
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Top comments
the_boss_fml 0
its not like youll need to be using it, if you still live with your mom
Peanu_theGreat 0
... You were naked?
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Comments (220)
Arcterion 0
Sucks to be you.
SarcasticaLy 0
LoL, you dork, learn to catch.
KenMcGormick 0
how did u get the scald mark?
Go_Home 0
Ouch. Kiss on the booboo?
softpinkdaisies 0
#52 we have both mars bar and milky way in the uk, so which is the us missing out on?
burtonboard97 0
Wow. He is probably drinking coffee at a young age because that is what they do there. He probably is still not eighteen yet. Second, he could have been wearing boxers, shorts, or even thin pajama pants. Hot water burns through clothes. He was not naked although i want to know why he was eating a mars bar in the morning.
jessew 0
wtf? y wur u naked?
buunana 0
Wait, You were naked While your mom was in the room Asking if you want food? ...dude, that's messed up.
llama 1
yeahhh i agree with #131 why were you naked. with your mother in the room. you weirdo.
Puolukka 4
#128 That's what I was wondering too...my husband is from the US and he knows both Mars bars and Milky Way...he says they have both over there as well...maybe the other person got confused with something else. And to everyone making "naked" comments...really? What kind of messed up lives do you guys have to automatically jump to the conclusion that the OP was naked? I automatically pictured him sitting in his room, wearing boxers and maybe a T-shirt, a cup of coffee in his hands, watching TV...Mom walks by, asks "Do you want a Mars bar?", OP says "yes", Mom throws Mars bar, which lands in coffee cup...coffee spills on OP's legs and crotch area and burns him through the boxers. It is possible without being naked...