By camerashyguy - United States - Longview Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML I agree, your life sucks 36810 You deserved it 8864 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Purchase Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML I agree, your life sucks 24487 You deserved it 9106 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oops - United States - Portland Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML I agree, your life sucks 11904 You deserved it 844 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ill - Canada Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that "my school was too expensive and he couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii, apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML I agree, your life sucks 43129 You deserved it 3519 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whaleninjapoop - United States - Raleigh Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML I agree, your life sucks 23532 You deserved it 5971 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 34695 You deserved it 2471 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Crappy - Canada - Rodney Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML I agree, your life sucks 37405 You deserved it 2976 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Derps - Denmark Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML I agree, your life sucks 18432 You deserved it 39270 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Michelle - Australia - Richmond Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML I agree, your life sucks 50603 You deserved it 5601 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Britney - United States Today, I discovered I have a cyst on my backside. I can't get it removed until Friday. I have to sit through four midterms this week. FML I agree, your life sucks 29421 You deserved it 2339 189 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML I agree, your life sucks 36646 You deserved it 3659 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kindgartin - Canada Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML I agree, your life sucks 46486 You deserved it 8322 234 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thomas - Canada Today, I woke up to find my parents singing happy birthday with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML I agree, your life sucks 31649 You deserved it 2707 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By no cake for me - United States - Jackson Heights Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML I agree, your life sucks 16733 You deserved it 25845 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ishouldhidethekeys - United Kingdom Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML I agree, your life sucks 39836 You deserved it 4715 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ah hell - United States Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML I agree, your life sucks 11823 You deserved it 52372 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouch - Serbia Mommy's favorite flower Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML I agree, your life sucks 1606 You deserved it 240 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By noooooo - United States - Bainbridge Today, I'm locked in a bedroom with two dogs to keep them from barking at the guy fixing our water heater. One of them is stress-farting. FML I agree, your life sucks 20900 You deserved it 2189 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By karl - Ireland Today, we were out smoking a bit of spliff just walking around. We saw a place to sit down in this little car park we were walking past. The cops came over and busted us. Turns out we were in the main car park for the cop shop. FML I agree, your life sucks 6457 You deserved it 44197 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ipickthegoodones - United States Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML I agree, your life sucks 53914 You deserved it 6599 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Idiot32 Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML I agree, your life sucks 663 You deserved it 2493 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lucy - United States Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML I agree, your life sucks 26901 You deserved it 2579 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Idk - United States - Gainesville Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML I agree, your life sucks 65611 You deserved it 5080 248 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Seattle Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML I agree, your life sucks 30083 You deserved it 2437 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By myleghurts - Australia - Strathfield Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML I agree, your life sucks 30343 You deserved it 3478 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sexxibxmami - United States Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML I agree, your life sucks 26984 You deserved it 3699 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML I agree, your life sucks 22858 You deserved it 45760 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rongo12 Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML I agree, your life sucks 28629 You deserved it 6774 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By usarmywife Today, at the ripe old age of 27, I dislocated my hip while making love to my husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 6032 You deserved it 570 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lifeguard down - United States Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML I agree, your life sucks 30628 You deserved it 13260 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cow lover - United States - Schenectady Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML I agree, your life sucks 15099 You deserved it 2331 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got my phone fixed and the lady who was working on it somehow resent all the old text messages in my outbox. One was to my ex saying "I love you." FML I agree, your life sucks 34005 You deserved it 4166 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML I agree, your life sucks 34668 You deserved it 4545 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML I agree, your life sucks 7915 You deserved it 103533 258 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Perth Unforgettable Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML I agree, your life sucks 1828 You deserved it 104 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mcdonalds - United States Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML I agree, your life sucks 61104 You deserved it 4821 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Baraboo Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML I agree, your life sucks 31511 You deserved it 5509 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Invisible - Switzerland Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML I agree, your life sucks 57649 You deserved it 12150 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 168952 You deserved it 10971 454 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TurtleTeacher - United States Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 30803 You deserved it 4035 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML I agree, your life sucks 97755 You deserved it 4386 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Liamj774 | 36 #6069739 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:13 I bet you didn't see that one coming Send a private message 226 8 Reply
By CoGhostRider | 31 #6069749 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:18 Did you help design apple maps ? Send a private message 196 4 Reply
By Liamj774 | 36 #6069739 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:13 I bet you didn't see that one coming Send a private message 226 8 Reply
Reply frozen92_fml | 12 #6069746 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:16 *He* Send a private message 13 34 Reply
Reply websraaa | 6 #6069771 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:34 Eh. Sounded pretty good as it was Send a private message 30 7 Reply
Reply BigLatchZatch | 14 #6069880 - Saturday 20 September 2014 19:24 Neither did he. Send a private message 31 1 Reply
Reply incoherentrmblr | 21 #6069989 - Saturday 20 September 2014 20:24 Well, at least you didn't send him into traffic... Send a private message 17 2 Reply
By Gravenmuir | 18 #6069747 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:16 Recalculating... Send a private message 152 3 Reply
Reply sayyestothedress | 24 #6069818 - Saturday 20 September 2014 17:54 OP, wash your brain from that disgusting memory! Send a private message 5 22 Reply
Reply sayyestothedress | 24 #6069819 - Saturday 20 September 2014 17:56 Oops that was for another FML Send a private message 21 8 Reply
Reply soccerguy2o1 | 7 #6070259 - Sunday 21 September 2014 2:36 As it the grandpa one Send a private message 0 8 Reply
Reply sayyestothedress | 24 #6070474 - Sunday 21 September 2014 14:10 Yes Send a private message 2 2 Reply
By CoGhostRider | 31 #6069749 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:18 Did you help design apple maps ? Send a private message 196 4 Reply
By NiceGuysDoWin | 21 #6069753 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:21 That was pretty short sighted of you. Send a private message 73 1 Reply
By MitunaCaptor | 17 #6069754 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:21 At least you're not as bad as some GPS. Whenever someone tries to find my house they get sent to the middle of a lake. Send a private message 78 2 Reply
Reply cadillacgal79 | 32 #6069796 - Saturday 20 September 2014 17:04 My boyfriends GPS sent him to the neighbors house.....a mile down the road. Send a private message 21 1 Reply
Reply Axipiter | 24 #6069816 - Saturday 20 September 2014 17:45 Reminds me of an episode of The Office where the GPS told Michael and Dwight to drive into a pond... So they did. Send a private message 35 0 Reply
By Moklon | 18 #6069756 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:22 Perhaps he'll turn a blind eye to your mistake. Send a private message 70 3 Reply
Reply buckysam | 7 #6070902 - Monday 22 September 2014 0:34 That was both terrible and hilarious. Send a private message 0 3 Reply
By ThoranSlock | 13 #6069758 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:24 Lucky you didn't say "nice to see you again" when you met him Send a private message 4 33 Reply
Reply Polynomial | 28 #6070026 - Saturday 20 September 2014 20:58 Why? OP is not blind. Send a private message 7 2 Reply
Reply EternalRest | 5 #6070424 - Sunday 21 September 2014 9:54 If OP just met him, it wouldn't make sense to say that. Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By sydneysays | 15 #6069760 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:25 Ouch..you have failed Send a private message 6 20 Reply
By nataliewby | 25 #6069761 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:26 At least he won't see you later Send a private message 48 1 Reply
Reply WeskerxChris | 12 #6070593 - Sunday 21 September 2014 18:38 he might remember his voice xD Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By wvni | 13 #6069764 - Saturday 20 September 2014 16:27 You should be a cartographer. Send a private message 14 3 Reply
Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML I agree, your life sucks 172 You deserved it 20 1 Comments
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs,... I agree, your life sucks 306 You deserved it 82 3 Comments