Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped...

By jessinono - 17/5/2013 16:16 - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

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Miscellaneous

You can't win sometimes

British Broadcasting Corporation

Yappy neighborhood

By Anonymous - 13/10/2015 07:35 - United States - Davis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

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By JPF - 13/8/2009 03:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2016 17:04 - United States - Athena

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

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By Misunderstood - 8/2/2009 05:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

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By larrythelobster - 11/2/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

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By k - 9/6/2012 21:35 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

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By aianmoo16 - 1/5/2016 21:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

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By usarmywife - 17/4/2017 02:00

Today, at the ripe old age of 27, I dislocated my hip while making love to my husband. FML

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By beardedlady - 2/7/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

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By Jules - 15/9/2017 17:00

Today, the first day of school, I threw up on my teacher in the middle of class. FML

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By 6boss - 3/11/2010 05:00 - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

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By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

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By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 2/6/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

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By eyerollplease - 30/4/2017 22:00

Today, after recently celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary, my husband and I watched my mom and his dad say "I Do". I am now married to my step-brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2013 03:28 - United States - Carencro

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

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By Kelsie - 12/12/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2014 11:36 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

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By catlover - 16/6/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 09:47 - France

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2009 08:21 - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

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By His name is now "Cunt" in my phone - 5/4/2017 14:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. FML

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By Demotivation - 23/8/2013 14:12 - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

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By moudly - 6/1/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

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By WTF? - 12/8/2013 04:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2014 05:14 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

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By hanzastfu - 26/10/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

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By ~Mr.Void - 9/10/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, my friends and I got front stage tickets to our favorite band. Being my first concert, we planned to start a small mosh pit in the back. I got knocked out by my bestfriends elbow and was rushed to the hospital, during the first song. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Charles City

A Natural Snack!

Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

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By nullpointer - 3/8/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

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By "axon Impulse" - 15/5/2017 12:00

Today, a reliable source informed me that my suspicions that I would soon be fired were wrong! Instead, my boss plans to make my life miserable until I quit. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

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By Shewhoisprobablyafurry - 3/5/2020 02:00

Going nowhere fast

Today, I have a massive crush on a fictional character. Who happens to be an ermine. FML

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By Sostupid - 24/1/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

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By allwrong - 16/3/2010 10:27 - Australia

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

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By Sara246 - 19/8/2010 23:11 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2014 15:13 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML.

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By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

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Top comments

By bbbbbbitch | 2

#5496103 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:07

If I was old I would do that.

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5496114 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:10

At least it wasn't actually your dad

Comments

By bbbbbbitch | 2

#5496103 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:07

If I was old I would do that.

perdix | 29

#5496179 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:44

#1, I am old and I do do that! Sadly, I'm so old I forget to roll down my windows, and my brilliant witticisms go unheard. :(

JACKxRAWR | 22

#5496187 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:48

Well Perdix, we're all creeped out FOR the girls you shout at. You perform a great public service. :3

Original_Outcast | 23

#5496198 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:56

Old people troll strikes again! or in the distant future after the next episode of Jeopardy.

Supganosh | 2

#5498880 - Monday 20 May 2013 1:49

I'm young and I do that.
Why not embar-ass people in public?

gotaplanstan | 28

#5499928 - Monday 20 May 2013 21:19

lol perdix said do do

By nix1993 | 41

#5496104 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:07

I can't think of anything funny or witty to reply to this... It's upsetting me.

rg350dx | 29

#5496152 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:27

Commenting that ^ was not a solution to your little predicament.

Joe9024 | 20

#5496215 - Saturday 18 May 2013 0:11

Look at all the fucks I don't give. LOOK.

By PiNkMoOn | 9

#5496113 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:10

LoL,even old people are funny,come see my parents!

GrammarNazis | 6

#5496168 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:40

rg350dx | 29

#5496183 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:46

Okay! Give me the address, phone number and alarm code for the house, if there is one, and I'll be sure to visit!

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5496521 - Saturday 18 May 2013 5:33

Lmao the only reason I found ^ comment funny is because it's a picture of an African American
(No I'm not racist!) really I'm not xD

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5496114 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:10

At least it wasn't actually your dad

golden_warrior | 23

#5496182 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:45

This is would have been more hilarious if it was her actual father :D

Jemm_fml | 29

#5496185 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:47

Talk about a plot twist!

rg350dx | 29

#5496195 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:54

Plot twist: Her uncle's actually her father.

Pussycat86 | 18

#5496491 - Saturday 18 May 2013 4:47

Was thinking the same! Loool

By Lmc22391 | 6

#5496116 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:11

at least you know you have a slappable ass. I don't think slappable is a word. but roll with it.

By freshko21 | 6

#5496121 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:12

Aww man, I don't ever want to get old! I'll still be a horny bastard, only it'll just be creepy :/

By tj4234 | 35

#5496122 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:12

I can't think of anything to say, other than that this is golden. xD

By gracehi | 31

#5496125 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:13

Apparently you were looking "hittable" in more ways than one.

By Pstraka6 | 20

#5496131 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:14

Dirty old ba*t*rd has nothin else better to do but creep! Hey, at least it wasn't him slapping your butt and saying that!

Pstraka6 | 20

#5496138 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:18

I wasn't sure if my spelling was correct, I am oh so sorry :p

By brittyboo123 | 35

#5496133 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:15

Troll grandpa strikes again !

mattlw | 25

#5496225 - Saturday 18 May 2013 0:28

Trolling answer about troll grandparents strikes again.

ilovedinosawers | 17

#5496317 - Saturday 18 May 2013 1:16

If that was her grandpa I would be worried.