Work: Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work... - FML

By Bee - 08/06/2011 00:13 - Canada

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 857

You deserved it 8 286

Sorry…

Late term

Better Call Saul

By Nickel - 01/06/2017 04:00

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 24/08/2010 07:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 259

You deserved it 7 132

By mad flyer - 21/02/2010 05:47 - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 509

You deserved it 3 778

By anon - 12/04/2011 10:09

Today, I wore a Stanford college T-shirt to school. My Spanish teacher took one look at it and said "You wish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 285

You deserved it 8 294

By issy - 21/09/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 629

You deserved it 3 619

By Squishy - 22/08/2010 23:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 484

You deserved it 3 131

By 909 - 19/09/2009 23:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 941

You deserved it 8 516

By rmonk - 06/07/2016 12:17 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at an ice cream place, and a guy started chatting with us. As he eventually went to leave, he told me "That's a nice looking date you got there." Then he turned to my friend. "Wish I could say the same to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 415

You deserved it 983

By baconbreath=| - 13/11/2010 05:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 008

You deserved it 9 580

Public speaking is terrifying

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 08:08

Today, in an attempt to face my phobia of public speaking, I accepted an offer to read to a group of elementary school students. It went well, until I reached a rather funny part in the book and completely lost my composure with uncontrollable laughter. I don't think I'll be asked to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 118

Fashionably Late

By blindedbythelight - 01/09/2017 22:28 - United States - Orlando

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 113

You deserved it 335

By apparently_disabled - 17/04/2015 06:24 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 050

You deserved it 2 904

Nature is healing

By screwthewilderness - 04/10/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 991

You deserved it 3 633

Someone needs a hug

By lukey101 - 13/08/2020 05:01

Today, I was out to lunch when someone in the distance proposed to his partner. She said yes, everyone clapped and cheered. I, on the other hand, burst into tears and couldn't stop bawling for about half an hour. I'm a 32 year old man and don't even know the happy couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 387

By Rob - 16/10/2009 01:59 - France

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 550

You deserved it 3 547

By motherlover - 05/08/2014 04:40 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 195

You deserved it 4 338

Why would I do that to me?

By car keyer - 02/12/2013 06:41 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 722

You deserved it 54 379

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 694

You deserved it 1 453

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 764

You deserved it 5 176

By tawnaciousd - 10/09/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 983

You deserved it 5 023

By Kilamo - 04/07/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 154

Relatable reasoning

By Jake - 10/03/2021 23:00

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 214

Snitched

By sixxie - 29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 2 291

Helter Skelter

By bobra - 21/10/2019 12:00

Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 100

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 514

By immovingout - 04/05/2013 17:46 - United States - Huntington Station

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 066

You deserved it 4 727

By indianaxx - 30/01/2010 17:21 - France

Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a wash-cloth over his crotch and said "look! this place has cotton loin clothes" in front of my wedding party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 2 436

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 15:22 - China - Shanghai

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 072

You deserved it 6 453

Cool mom

By hmh - 21/09/2021 08:00

Today, I tried to give my mom a hug, but she pushed me away and yelled at me for trying to hug her while she’s angry. When I asked how I was supposed to know, she replied, “Read my fucking body language, idiot!” I’m diagnosed autistic and she knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 93

Cruel summer

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 22:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it’s a rather wet summer and everything in our house is prone to mould. No, I’m not exaggerating when I say “everything”: I just found mould growing on the plates in the cupboard. And, no, we did not accidentally put them away unwashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 21:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 265

You deserved it 12 150

By Ryan - 11/06/2011 14:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 178

You deserved it 7 443

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 653

By ew - 11/08/2013 13:09 - United States - Titusville

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 749

You deserved it 4 608

By Annoyed - 04/10/2013 02:56 - United States - Accokeek

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 386

You deserved it 4 654

My booze

By I-Love-My-Wife - 14/01/2021 10:56

Today, it's my wife's birthday. She also sleepwalks, sleep eats and sleep drinks. This morning, her subconscious remembered it was her birthday and wanted to celebrate in style. I found my $200 bottle of Johnny Walker Blue was missing 3". She doesn't remember drinking it. I'm so glad she enjoyed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 226

By 3LLI0TT - 06/10/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 216

You deserved it 33 752

Stabbed!

By Sarah - 19/03/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to convince policemen I’m not a victim of domestic abuse after I had to go to hospital for a stab wound for the second time since Xmas. I’m just hopelessly clumsy. I managed to stab myself with a screwdriver while opening a paint tin. Last time, it was a knitting needle while knitting Xmas jumpers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 142

By drugdealersgf - 02/12/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 058

You deserved it 1 108

By JimmyT - 03/03/2013 22:21 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 495

You deserved it 14 229

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:00

what were u wearing O.o

SunshineBoy21 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:33

Where do you work? Sex Toys-R-Us?

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:00

what were u wearing O.o

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:13

Whenever my boyfriend and I are in his car and he gets pulled over, the cop always thinks I am a) a prostitute he picked up or b) being kidnapped by him, so I can relate. Though I think in my case it has less to do with my clothing choices and more to do with the age difference between my boyfriend and me.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:15

Pictures or it didn't happen OP

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:19

or u just look like a trashy prostitue

W0 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:23

Giggity!!!!!!!!!

unfortunate_13 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:24

time to get a different pose and different make up!

SunshineBoy21 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:33

Where do you work? Sex Toys-R-Us?

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:58

28- WIN

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 11:07

Well put it this way OP, if you lose this job you'll always have something to fall back on!

ImmortalKratos 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 12:51

I think cops have to ask if you are being held against your will n stuff of the girl looks way out of your league just to make sure you didn't kidnapp her or sum shit. it happened to me a couple times when I was with my gf

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 13:45

many cadet/academy policewomen are hot... just saying!

Alwayspullout 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 15:25

O.o?????? WTF learn how to type, blah blah blah you are the dumbest person I know, blah blah blah I'm a troll

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 15:49

Probably one of those place that only hire underaged women who will wear short shorts and skintight bite shirts. Gross.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 18:34

how big is the difference?

daniismiles11 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 21:32

umm ..? dp you work at hooters by any chance

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 2:48

lol, dp=double penetration :P

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 5:59

pretty woman, walking down the street....

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 6:49

she's a cocktail waitress

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 6:53

hehe, is your uniform a slutty nurse?

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 8:12

well i suppose bein a playboy model has its ups and downs

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 9:56

Are you a prostitute?

Send a private message

Friday 10 June 2011 21:21

I am not a whore

extrovertical 0

Send a private message

Monday 13 June 2011 14:22

it says bee at the top. so a bee costume.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 June 2011 10:17

67 what are you dating number 14?

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:00

Hmm, where do you work?

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:07

on the corner... :P

iLazy 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:12

Hooters with physical activities

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:15

mcDonalds. lmao!

DoubleEdgedBlade 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:48

An "exotic massage" parlour.

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 12:25

A hot dog stand.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 13:16

Applebees! slutty people always work at applebees

XmyviolentheartX 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 13:31

At a beer stop drive thru.  =P

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 16:38

the strippers?

thebestof1984 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 16:49

hooters!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 21:50

Stilettos.

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 1:51

nudist bar

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:00

That's not an FML, that's a FAIL :P

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:01

who says your work uniform isn't booty shorts and 6 inch platform heels? gotta be specific here op!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 16:03

you are right. we need to no what your out fit is.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:02

If you are a stripper, it's not too surprising that you might be mistaken for a prostitute in your "uniform." Just kidding, some people are just really stupid.

Send a private message

Friday 10 June 2011 7:25

I like you profile picture :D

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:04

Do you work at Hooters or something?

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 17:59

well....does she work as a prostitute?

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 4:23

how does the uniform for hooters get one mistaken as a prostitute? I'm slightly offended. there's nothing wrong with a hooters uniform:)

redfishbluefish2 13

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 8:25

hahaha, 148 so funny.

Michigan_Girl 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:04

Wow that sucks! Sorry =(

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:39

haha, "that sucks"

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 13:47

hahAhaha ^

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 17:11

You look mighty tough with that box of wheat thins and your iPod directly in front of your face,

Send a private message

Thursday 9 June 2011 23:32

lmfao!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:09

awesome

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:09

so did you take the offers?

whosechairisthat 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:10

lucky... :D

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 17

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 101