Miscellaneous: Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny... - FML

By MasterMcrib - United States - Highland Park

Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML

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Mother of the year

Thanks ma

Give me my drugs!

By Jess56 - United States

Fun is overrated

Today, I met the exchange student who will be living with us for a year. As we were talking, she told me that she doesn't like reading, writing, drawing, athletics, watching television or listening to music. What does she like to do during her free time? Study. It's going to be a long year. FML

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By Silverfeathery

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

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By lemonhead

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

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By Chlo

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

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By itendstonight - Ireland

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

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By Samantha Glennie

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

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By hatemylife - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

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By threw my underwear out too - United States - Hyde Park

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

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By YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND - Canada

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Family Fortunes

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

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By dirtyhands - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

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By Animal - Canada

One day…

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

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By joshinbaltimore - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

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By ohforcheese - United States

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say, "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

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By boogerbrain - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

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By chicoallen - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

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By Tennisplayer - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

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By queenofdeath - Israel

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

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By KatieB - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

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By syl - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

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By Syd - United States - Plano

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

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By monster1109 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

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By JJ - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

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By Zippyzoo - United States

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

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By Carrie - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

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By myjobsucks - Australia

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

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By And yes, he does also believe in the Illuminati.

Today, I learned that my new boyfriend seriously thinks that Inglorious Bastards is historically accurate and is actually the secret history of World War 2 being revealed to the public. Nothing I say will make him change his mind. I guess that relationship is a goner. FML

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By Aaron - United States

Today, some girl from Colorado called me. She knew my name. My Facebook. I had no idea how she got my number. She then asks me out. I say "sure" sarcastically. She then calls my girlfriend, who also lives in Colorado. Our relationship is now over. FML

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By not my fault you’re a vapid idiot - United States - Hesperia

Today, my coworker told everyone on staff that I’m a stuck up bitch because I stared blankly at her when she tried to talk to me. I tried to listen, but I zoned out after she rambled on endlessly about the Kardashians and Kanye West. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

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By laviestpasimal - France

Today, I had six long hours with the same math teacher. To get home, I travel by bus. Guess who sat down next to me for the whole trip. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2021 05:01 - United States

Weird reason, but OK

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, sitting in my car, an hour into a four-hour trip. The reason? I haven't been lifting with him at his gym during the COVID-19 pandemic. The kicker? We were headed back after a stay-cation with his mom, because yesterday was my birthday. FML

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By hmb - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

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By fuckshit

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

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Top comments

By aggiegirl95 | 7

#6582919 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Why would you randomly moon old people in public? You kind of deserve it. Idiot.

By iAmPaul | 49

#6582917 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

How immature of you. Instant Karma at least.

COMMENTS

By NightCasterZ | 5

#6582916 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:08

That's too far, Karma...

Reply

jimluminaye | 17

#6582965 - Monday 18 April 2016 17:13

Not far enough, karma.

Reply

coops456 | 14

#6583160 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:00

I thin you all misunderstood this comment, even though there's terrible grammar use here

By iAmPaul | 49

#6582917 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

How immature of you. Instant Karma at least.

Reply

gabimk23 | 13

#6583132 - Monday 18 April 2016 21:46

shouldn't have got caught with your pants down

By Bonngoo | 34

#6582918 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

Karma got you immediately YDI

By aggiegirl95 | 7

#6582919 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Why would you randomly moon old people in public? You kind of deserve it. Idiot.

Reply

psychopolarbear | 28

#6583152 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:30

There is no "kind of" in this YDI

By deathrise007 | 22

#6582920 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Karma is a bitch.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6582942 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:37

And he's an ass.

Reply

deathrise007 | 22

#6583145 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:10

I guess I worded my comment wrong or didn't make it clear enough that he deserved it. My bad.

Reply

arisanator9900 | 20

#6583155 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:37

the FML community is very unforgiving.

Reply

deathrise007 | 22

#6583188 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:32

Agreed 65

By extrasnipes | 22

#6582922 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:11

The driver hit you because he was probably blinded by the moonlight

Reply

xxxxqazwsxedc1 | 8

#6586101 - Friday 22 April 2016 13:15

Haha, this is brilliant.

By FryingPanHero | 11

#6582923 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:11

Did you seriously expect sympathy here with a story like that? YDI.

Reply

Blizz18 | 14

#6583129 - Monday 18 April 2016 21:30

It's not surprising. Judging by his actions, he seems like the kind of guy who needs attention. To him any attention is good attention.

Reply

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6583157 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:44

Why do you assume the post is to garner sympathy?

Reply

cj89898 | 24

#6583199 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:39

#66 Generally people post an FML to have others agree that their life sucks. Sympathy is basically that.

Reply

kennethlwinter | 3

#6583203 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:51

If he didn't want sympathy for his stupidity, he wouldn't have posted it.

Reply

DarthDeath | 12

#6583262 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 1:58

Half the shit on here doesn't deserve sympathy. It's mostly people whining about tiny things, or people posting retarded shit they did - like this post.

Reply

MrGibbs25 | 20

#6583373 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 5:38

that's why it's funny mate :)

By jeffprobs | 20

#6582936 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:27

You looked at old people, and the first rational thought that came into your head was:"let me moon these people." To tell you the truth I literally can not understand how that idea would even materialize?

By bethanyhopkins | 49

#6582940 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:35

YDI for being so immature.

By sour_dough22 | 12

#6582944 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:40

This fool is lying