Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny... - FML

By MasterMcrib - 17/4/2016 20:33 - United States - Highland Park

Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML

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DINOSAURS!!

Compassion

The student becomes the master

By OCDrunk - 23/11/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

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By IHateMyJob - 14/9/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

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By IvyLeague? - 15/1/2013 02:52 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

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By fatblooddonor - 26/2/2019 04:00

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

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By HF44 - 29/7/2015 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

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By lene - 17/2/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

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By - 6/12/2019 20:00

I'm not blind

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2013 11:42 - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

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By daniella101 - 28/6/2012 18:11 - United States - Lacombe

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

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By Becoming a commuter. - 4/9/2012 17:14 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a message from the girl I like. She told me to never speak to her again and not even look at her any more. Apparently the letter I wrote to her was perverted, vile and nasty. I never wrote her a letter. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2018 15:00

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 10:44 - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 04:44 - United States - Mahwah

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

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By kcd - 23/2/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

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By Zyopy - 18/12/2015 08:33 - Australia - Hampton

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

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By holiday from hell - 25/12/2013 01:12 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

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By Peter Parker - 30/8/2016 23:19 - United States - Redlands

Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML

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By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/1/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 05:55 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 07:06 - Canada

Today, at work I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then shows up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2014 23:59 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

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By Maria - 20/8/2012 13:25 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

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By Snowtoe - 14/1/2017 14:00

Today, I'm at my grandparents' house to help clear snow. I was making a path to the driveway by pushing the snow out of the way. I saw a big pile and went to kick it really hard. Alas, it was a step. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

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By RebekahBrooke - 17/9/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 01:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

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By Keaton - 15/6/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML

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By Peter - 11/5/2019 14:00

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

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By Unfortunate Painter - 23/11/2012 02:56 - United States - Merced

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

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By devigsgirl - 26/8/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

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By jjjjjohn cena - 13/8/2015 01:44 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

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By compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - 18/9/2014 01:37 - United States - Sayre

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

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By anonymous - 25/1/2016 14:09 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

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By Pissed - 5/10/2011 15:29 - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

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By thesixth - 2/3/2016 18:53 - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

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By looke27 - 13/11/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

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Top comments

By aggiegirl95 | 7

#6582919 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Why would you randomly moon old people in public? You kind of deserve it. Idiot.

By iAmPaul | 49

#6582917 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

How immature of you. Instant Karma at least.

COMMENTS

By NightCasterZ | 5

#6582916 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:08

That's too far, Karma...

Reply

jimluminaye | 17

#6582965 - Monday 18 April 2016 17:13

Not far enough, karma.

Reply

coops456 | 14

#6583160 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:00

I thin you all misunderstood this comment, even though there's terrible grammar use here

By iAmPaul | 49

#6582917 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

How immature of you. Instant Karma at least.

Reply

gabimk23 | 13

#6583132 - Monday 18 April 2016 21:46

shouldn't have got caught with your pants down

By Bonngoo | 34

#6582918 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

Karma got you immediately YDI

By aggiegirl95 | 7

#6582919 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Why would you randomly moon old people in public? You kind of deserve it. Idiot.

Reply

psychopolarbear | 28

#6583152 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:30

There is no "kind of" in this YDI

By deathrise007 | 22

#6582920 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Karma is a bitch.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6582942 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:37

And he's an ass.

Reply

deathrise007 | 22

#6583145 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:10

I guess I worded my comment wrong or didn't make it clear enough that he deserved it. My bad.

Reply

arisanator9900 | 20

#6583155 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:37

the FML community is very unforgiving.

Reply

deathrise007 | 22

#6583188 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:32

Agreed 65

By extrasnipes | 22

#6582922 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:11

The driver hit you because he was probably blinded by the moonlight

Reply

xxxxqazwsxedc1 | 8

#6586101 - Friday 22 April 2016 13:15

Haha, this is brilliant.

By FryingPanHero | 11

#6582923 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:11

Did you seriously expect sympathy here with a story like that? YDI.

Reply

Blizz18 | 14

#6583129 - Monday 18 April 2016 21:30

It's not surprising. Judging by his actions, he seems like the kind of guy who needs attention. To him any attention is good attention.

Reply

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6583157 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:44

Why do you assume the post is to garner sympathy?

Reply

cj89898 | 24

#6583199 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:39

#66 Generally people post an FML to have others agree that their life sucks. Sympathy is basically that.

Reply

kennethlwinter | 3

#6583203 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:51

If he didn't want sympathy for his stupidity, he wouldn't have posted it.

Reply

DarthDeath | 12

#6583262 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 1:58

Half the shit on here doesn't deserve sympathy. It's mostly people whining about tiny things, or people posting retarded shit they did - like this post.

Reply

MrGibbs25 | 20

#6583373 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 5:38

that's why it's funny mate :)

By jeffprobs | 20

#6582936 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:27

You looked at old people, and the first rational thought that came into your head was:"let me moon these people." To tell you the truth I literally can not understand how that idea would even materialize?

By bethanyhopkins | 48

#6582940 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:35

YDI for being so immature.

By sour_dough22 | 12

#6582944 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:40

This fool is lying