Miscellaneous: Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny... - FML

By MasterMcrib - United States - Highland Park

Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML

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Serious times

Capitalism kills

Clocked

By Anonymous - United States - North Port

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

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By Crippled - United States

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

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By Lois - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

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By oh dear - France

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

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By girly - United States - Canton

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

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By placard3

Cruel Summer

Today, I went to the hospital to get a cast that I have been wearing for the past three months removed from my wrist. Thanks to said cast, I couldn't have any summer fun at all. The doctor took a final X-ray and said, "Well look at that, your wrist wasn't fractured to begin with." FML

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By Henry - United States

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

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By waiterrrrrrrrr - United States

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

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By craigtm029429 - United States

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

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By coloradoman - United States

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

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By erockinthesuburb - United States - Algonquin

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

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By SiegFail

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

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By MYLIFESUX - United States

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

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By NVP - United States

Today, I told my 10 year old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 16:58

Thanks, government

Today, I'm at North Fort Hood deploying with the Army Reserves, where the motto is, "You'll prefer to be in Iraq." We're in COVID quarantine with over 100 people in our barracks. We may never get out of here. FML

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By Parusu - United States - Orlando

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

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By diskdude13 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

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By moncheri1314 - France

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

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By tadam - France

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

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By blah56 - United States - Vine Grove

Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML

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By friendless

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

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By a - United States

Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, my manager asked me for the password to my Internet so she could Skype family since she can't pay her bill. This is the same woman who just a week ago tried to evict me because my rent was an hour late. Trying to be the bigger person, I gave her the password. She changed my password. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

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By FallCameEarly - United States - Alhambra

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

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By Juancames3

Saboteur!

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

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By fffemaleee - United States - Waterford

Today, my phone got stolen at church. FML

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By Letteh

Today, my boyfriend transferred some money to me online. He put a joke reference of "Anal nice 'n cheap". We need to show a month-long bank statement to our mortgage broker tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

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By shamed - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

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By Darkandcold - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

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By LaundryVictim

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

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Top comments

By aggiegirl95 | 7

#6582919 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Why would you randomly moon old people in public? You kind of deserve it. Idiot.

By iAmPaul | 49

#6582917 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

How immature of you. Instant Karma at least.

COMMENTS

By NightCasterZ | 5

#6582916 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:08

That's too far, Karma...

Reply

jimluminaye | 17

#6582965 - Monday 18 April 2016 17:13

Not far enough, karma.

Reply

coops456 | 14

#6583160 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:00

I thin you all misunderstood this comment, even though there's terrible grammar use here

By iAmPaul | 49

#6582917 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

How immature of you. Instant Karma at least.

Reply

gabimk23 | 13

#6583132 - Monday 18 April 2016 21:46

shouldn't have got caught with your pants down

By Bonngoo | 34

#6582918 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:09

Karma got you immediately YDI

By aggiegirl95 | 7

#6582919 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Why would you randomly moon old people in public? You kind of deserve it. Idiot.

Reply

psychopolarbear | 28

#6583152 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:30

There is no "kind of" in this YDI

By deathrise007 | 22

#6582920 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:10

Karma is a bitch.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6582942 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:37

And he's an ass.

Reply

deathrise007 | 22

#6583145 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:10

I guess I worded my comment wrong or didn't make it clear enough that he deserved it. My bad.

Reply

arisanator9900 | 20

#6583155 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:37

the FML community is very unforgiving.

Reply

deathrise007 | 22

#6583188 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:32

Agreed 65

By extrasnipes | 22

#6582922 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:11

The driver hit you because he was probably blinded by the moonlight

Reply

xxxxqazwsxedc1 | 8

#6586101 - Friday 22 April 2016 13:15

Haha, this is brilliant.

By FryingPanHero | 11

#6582923 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:11

Did you seriously expect sympathy here with a story like that? YDI.

Reply

Blizz18 | 14

#6583129 - Monday 18 April 2016 21:30

It's not surprising. Judging by his actions, he seems like the kind of guy who needs attention. To him any attention is good attention.

Reply

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6583157 - Monday 18 April 2016 22:44

Why do you assume the post is to garner sympathy?

Reply

cj89898 | 24

#6583199 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:39

#66 Generally people post an FML to have others agree that their life sucks. Sympathy is basically that.

Reply

kennethlwinter | 3

#6583203 - Monday 18 April 2016 23:51

If he didn't want sympathy for his stupidity, he wouldn't have posted it.

Reply

DarthDeath | 12

#6583262 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 1:58

Half the shit on here doesn't deserve sympathy. It's mostly people whining about tiny things, or people posting retarded shit they did - like this post.

Reply

MrGibbs25 | 20

#6583373 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 5:38

that's why it's funny mate :)

By jeffprobs | 20

#6582936 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:27

You looked at old people, and the first rational thought that came into your head was:"let me moon these people." To tell you the truth I literally can not understand how that idea would even materialize?

By bethanyhopkins | 49

#6582940 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:35

YDI for being so immature.

By sour_dough22 | 12

#6582944 - Monday 18 April 2016 16:40

This fool is lying