Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML
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Top comments
syki 22
So he was suddenly dumb, humourless, overweight, and ugly?
zoPwNAgEzo 21
What a jerk off
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Comments (63)
stevenJB 25
Well he's obviously attracted to you...right? XD
tttt122345 0
Now if a girl told a guy that... It would attractive
tttt122345 0
*be
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
touche, touche.
khaya 9
You can add honest to that list.
5HT2A 5
Does that really change your perspective of him? Every guy jerks off, just behind close doors and out of your sight. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean they don't do it. Hey at least he was honest with you, maybe it was a test to see if you'd stick around.
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Maybe the way he worded it freaked her out. "so yea I play a lot of sports, and get good grades.. Also I really enjoy fondling mini me when I think of you." "o.O' "
5HT2A 5
29- lol in that case she should be flattered!
clynne093 0
Take it as a compliment. Guys are weird lol
yuzuhere 21
Now you know he's attracted to you.
kateindeed 5
It's not so much that guys jack off that kills it, moreso when they feel the need to tell us. Just because you'd like it if we texted you when we're touching ourselves doesn't mean the feeling is mutual, guys!
kateindeed 5
If you're actually dating, though, that's another story entirely.
burtonbullet 10
But what if she asked him what he was doing? Would you rather him lie? So much for honesty being the best policy.
yuzuhere 21
There's also something called TMI.
AnagenisisZagus 13
Is that why she stopped calling? Well hell. Could have used this information 2 years ago!
rattusrattus 19
@27 "I'm playing a game." It could be interpreted that he just meant Angry Birds. Alternately: "I'm tenderising a steak."
KunoKanashimi 3
@92 'I'm stopping thousands of babies from living' works too, no?
tmd4L 7
What were you guys talking about that had him jerking it while you were texting?
GoW_Chick 15
Well apparently he's very open too. Did he just randomly tell you he was jacking off, or did the conversation lead to it somehow, or maybe it was a poor attempt at a joke? There had to be some reason why he said it.
xattitudegurlx 13
He's the one, he's the one.....I Cant believe i liked this guy.