Love: Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple...

By JennyAndrews - 05/12/2009 08:44 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 124

You deserved it 31 036

Love

Our house, in the middle of our street

Empathy lives

Can't win

By Anonymous - 27/07/2019 00:01

Today, due to recent changes in my local transit system, the bus that I take to work and back is a unidirectional loop instead of bi-directional. So my morning commute is the same, but the commute back is now an hour-and-half instead of 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 107

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 937

You deserved it 12 089

Alanis Morissette reference

By mei-ah - 12/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 61

By jack - 28/02/2011 05:43

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 2 501

By soulaar - 02/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 5 333

By Anonymous - 27/01/2015 01:43 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 674

You deserved it 2 768

By Addigirl - 25/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I ordered pick-up from a restaurant I really like. It was pouring, so instead of taking the long way across the pedestrian walk, I ran through a grass-covered area and tripped on tree roots. I was right in front of the restaurant, so everybody saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 504

You deserved it 1 423

In shape

By emmy - 01/04/2021 14:01

Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 73

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 14:28 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 545

You deserved it 5 779

By troubled - 02/01/2010 20:27 - France

Today, I got l disconnect notices for both my water and my electric. After looking over my budget, I realized that I can only pay for one until next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 089

You deserved it 7 334

By Ginny - 30/06/2009 09:23 - Netherlands

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 360

You deserved it 16 159

Delirious fever days are the BEST!

By Sheila Deville - 24/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 191

By Heinz - 08/08/2012 04:19 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 102

You deserved it 2 815

By blairheir721 - 17/05/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 214

You deserved it 8 784

By Anon - 08/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 962

You deserved it 4 170

By Actrent - 25/12/2016 07:00

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 155

You deserved it 687

By Klepto - 15/11/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 282

You deserved it 73 083

By Seule - 29/06/2016 04:07 - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 154

You deserved it 1 686

Not worth it

By Reebee - 27/09/2017 01:30

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 230

You deserved it 526

By Ew?Really? - 04/08/2014 05:42 - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 003

You deserved it 4 970

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 390

You deserved it 3 075

By Bugga2018 - 22/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 324

You deserved it 895

Yummy

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 11:01

Today, I got an unexpected freebie for breakfast: I took my coffee and a plate of food up to my room. By the time I got there, some fairy had topped the food with a generous serving of animal hair. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 27/02/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 321

You deserved it 3 414

Sixteen again

By mystupidname - 03/09/2019 14:00 - Denmark

Today, my dad and his new fiancée are like two love-sick bunnies. They start having sex immediately whenever I leave the house. Even when I take out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 145

The high road

By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 852

By ellarose - 10/04/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 832

You deserved it 3 247

Happy…?

By JustCantWin - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 093

You deserved it 3 875

By ugh - 05/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 639

You deserved it 3 824

Slumming it

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 95

By deathbysnoosnoo - 24/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 801

You deserved it 5 549

By acme - 04/10/2012 06:20 - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 612

You deserved it 2 765

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 22:27 - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 444

You deserved it 7 175

By stillembarrassed - 06/08/2013 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 308

You deserved it 6 666

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 08:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 262

By eventer1919 - 04/08/2015 02:48 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 927

You deserved it 1 800

By Sam - 26/11/2012 04:39 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 084

You deserved it 3 605

By cat.imakittycat. - 07/04/2015 07:14 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 025

You deserved it 2 444

Hello, is me you're looking for?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 07:24 - United Kingdom - Woodford Green

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 077

You deserved it 3 146

By roobb - 09/08/2009 23:11 - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 529

You deserved it 3 109

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Top comments

sdcrazy1018 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:37

Makes you wonder if you were texting her the entire time :o

Sargasm 4

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:50

Makes you wonder if the "cute guy", wanting you to stop contacting him, asked one of his lady friends to pick up the phone.

sdcrazy1018 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:37

Makes you wonder if you were texting her the entire time :o

BeeSkwaird 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 22:28

The gf didn't say you couldn't *text* him—you're in the clear!!

rcbarnes 24

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Saturday 25 February 2012 10:15

Someone didn't do their background check on relationship status!

pchands00 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:38

makes you wonder why you would be texting a guy with a girlfriend

GrapefruitZoe 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:45

Makes you wonder what kind of world we live in where we can't talk to people with sweethearts.

v1kt4r 13

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:47

In her defence you can have up to 4 wives in dubai,

capthavoc123 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 19:15

From the FML: "texting this cute guy that I like" She wasn't texting him just to make conversation.

Stimphead 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 22:01

and 4 in Egypt.

sarcdude 3

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Sunday 6 December 2009 0:25

@Grapefruit: I don't doubt it, a lot of the girls I talk to don't give their phone numbers out to boys that their boyfriend doesn't know, or not to any boys at all.

MagicMeds 0

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Monday 7 December 2009 22:08

If you like someone, you want to talk to them regardless of whether you CURRENTLY have a chance with them, because you like them. Is this not obvious? And tell the gf to not be such a jealous bitch. If she's worried about him leaving, she should be a better girlfriend, not try to make other girls look worse.

shanster 3

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:40

tell the girlfriend that he called you and to stop being such a bitch before you slice her titties off.

iammeanttolive 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:53

LOL. this.

wolfpackchick10 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 17:18

It's quite possible that she called her...not the boyfriend. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if that IS what happened.

v1kt4r 13

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:45

Look on the bright side you live in Dubai

eddeeezzyy 19

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Monday 4 November 2013 8:44

Exactly, where the police cars are Lambos!

Peroxide 3

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:47

Makes you wonder. Apparently.

Maccaroney 11

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Friday 10 October 2014 20:33

Well i loved it. No matter what the downvotes say.

Sargasm 4

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Saturday 5 December 2009 16:50

Makes you wonder if the "cute guy", wanting you to stop contacting him, asked one of his lady friends to pick up the phone.

time4coffee 3

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Saturday 5 December 2009 18:32

I was thinking that exactly. Did he ever answer any of your texts or was it just you running on and on

GuitarJunkie6258 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 20:56

yep definately

kyliebear 15

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:38

Yes but the cute guy's number called OP, so it makes me wonder who wouldve been on the other line if OP answered.....

Comoke1024 19

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Tuesday 11 February 2014 18:10

What I wonder is why he didn't give more of an indication earlier, himself. A couple of terse responses or ignoring her texts would have gotten the point across. Or an easy inclusion of his relationship status like "I'm meeting my girlfriend for dinner now, talk to you later." Sounds like an FYL to me, OP. Sorry! He could have handled that better.