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Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML