Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time...

By Anonymous - 23/12/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

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Miscellaneous

Live dumping

A beautiful truck decoration

Creepy

By aireeahna - 20/5/2016 06:04 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

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By kappaomicron - 19/1/2010 23:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

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By -_- - 21/9/2017 16:00

Google Maps strikes again!

Today, I went shopping for some nice clothing for work. Annoyed that the first two stores I went to didn't have anything, I drove to a store in an unfamiliar part of the city. Not only did Google Maps direct me to a store that doesn't exist, but my car broke down in the parking lot. FML

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By wot02 - 27/7/2015 02:02 - United States

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

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By grossedout - 22/5/2015 15:02 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

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By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 05:49 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I felt so lonely that I asked Siri to read me Wikipedia articles so that I could pretend I was having a conversation with a real human being. FML

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By Noname - 4/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2013 07:32 - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

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By sashimieater - 31/5/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Welcome to the world!

Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML

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By regrettably well rested - 14/5/2017 16:00 - United States - Clearfield

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2018 01:30

Today, my phone went missing. My 8-year-old son took it to school and sold it for $10. FML

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By Cellphonetroubles - 19/11/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML

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By - 2/3/2017 10:00 - United States - Ithaca

Today, my first grade student apologized for cutting his bangs off in class, and explained that it was his mom's birthday and he had wanted to make her an origami flower. Out of his hair. FML

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By flatfoot - 9/8/2012 19:33 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

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By pickit - 25/2/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

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By Jackmeister - 3/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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By BowTiesAr3Cool - 25/12/2014 16:36 - United States - Irving

Today, the kid who who lives next door and shares a bedroom wall with me got a drum set for Christmas. FML

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By notpreggers - 8/2/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

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By parenting sucks - 1/7/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2017 02:00

Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML

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By StiffPvtParts - 4/6/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 18:03 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

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By bobbies - 15/4/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

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By werewolfoflondon - 3/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

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By izzy - 7/2/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend left me for his sister. No, not my sister. His sister. FML

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By What the fuck, son? - 11/5/2013 16:21 - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

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By wowsucks - 30/1/2010 09:40 - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

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By Sickinbed - 7/6/2011 10:27 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

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By yeah - 25/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Nightmare

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML

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By student414 - 10/1/2012 17:15 - Canada

Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML

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By Sarah1330 - 25/2/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2010 08:22 - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

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By questionmark707 - 12/4/2012 23:53 - United States - Fullerton

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

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By The Last One - 11/3/2012 06:39 - Canada

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I gave my 7 year old a snowglobe. I had spent the last week deconstructing it, putting an action figure of his favorite cartoon character inside, and then putting it back together. Later, I find it smashed into pieces because he wanted to "play with the toy it came with." FML

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Top comments

By SKRules | 0

#733645 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:09

When explaining embarrassing things, demonstrations are never a good idea.

By IgniteMe28 | 0

#733665 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:16

Pics or it didn't happen.

Comments

By RTB94 | 0

#733642 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:08

fail

youreanidiot | 0

#733650 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:11

everyone's getting drunk, you show a little skin... where's the FML?

PumpkinTarte | 0

#733651 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:12

Repetition disorder? Maybe you just have repressed desires to walk around a exhibitionist.

Starchild21 | 3

#733895 - Thursday 24 December 2009 3:53

Sucks to hear =( Especially since you're probably going to see these same people many more times.

Good luck

___________________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

Reyo | 2

#734328 - Thursday 24 December 2009 10:11

That must've been a very realistic demonstration...

Scubadiver172001 | 0

#734552 - Thursday 24 December 2009 16:23

hmm idk wear a bra???

_why_me_why_now_ | 0

#734661 - Thursday 24 December 2009 17:55

Wait, how did this happen exactly? Can you demonstrate it for us?

killerviral | 0

#862970 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:46

haha yea

trini_gal171 | 0

#2460519 - Thursday 5 May 2011 0:51

why would you even tell them about that? I wouldn't.

By SKRules | 0

#733645 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:09

When explaining embarrassing things, demonstrations are never a good idea.

Starfire22 | 5

#733715 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:34

Agreed!

GrimGothicAngel | 0

#733885 - Thursday 24 December 2009 3:46

but when you do them and post them online, pictures are a must..

Feverrotes | 15

#735020 - Thursday 24 December 2009 22:24

Couldn't have said it better myself #38

By lovin_bigsister | 0

#733646 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:09

wow maybe you just have a thing with flashing people

By blink182rocks | 0

#733649 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:11

WOW LEAVE IT TOO A FUCKING GIRL TO FAIL SO HARD! GO BACK TO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

Scourge87 | 0

#733671 - Thursday 24 December 2009 1:19

Do us all a favour and run over to your local supermarket and see if they have any originality or humor in stock, however cheap they'll still be light years beyond your current ones.

And to the OP, bad idea... but you know that now.

So here I'll just shout out my support to people flashing body parts at parties !
You go girl/guy !