Miscellaneous: Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time... - FML

23/12/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 729

You deserved it 45 957

Creepy idea, dude

Heartbreaking

Weird-ass kids

06/02/2011 00:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 888

You deserved it 7 211

05/12/2010 00:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 223

You deserved it 5 887

31/01/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 5 890

31/01/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is marrying my ex, and that my mother set them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 730

You deserved it 3 286

08/02/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 892

You deserved it 55 549

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 357

15/12/2011 05:00 - United States

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 775

You deserved it 10 848

04/11/2010 06:41 - United States

Today, I called a guy who had requested a free marketing consultation for his funeral home through the internet a couple of days ago. When I got through, the receptionist seemed a little taken back by me wanting to talk to him. He had died and was buried yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 426

You deserved it 2 626

05/03/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 613

You deserved it 12 781

05/09/2009 22:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 460

You deserved it 3 384

30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 273

You deserved it 37 350

25/02/2017 00:00 - Australia - Belmore

Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 659

You deserved it 1 443

24/06/2019 07:04

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 574

19/01/2016 20:53 - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 506

You deserved it 3 491

31/03/2019 14:00 - Australia

Today, I decided to stand up to my bosses for making me lose money and work with heat stroke... while my co worker got to go home early I had to work 2 hours later. Turns out I got a supervisor in trouble for making me work when there was help allocated. Now I have to walk on eggshells, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 219

03/05/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 374

You deserved it 5 030

01/03/2010 02:15 - France

Spicy

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 10 950

29/05/2012 18:43 - United States - Springfield

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 285

You deserved it 2 151

That's not how that works, it's not how anything works

By Ariane - 26/09/2021 14:00

Today, in France, a "Vaccine Pass" is needed to do most things. Some family members came to visit, but as they aren't vaccinated they usually just stay home. They told us that we're dangerous, because we carry "millions of viruses" from the vaccine, and it will be our fault if they get Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 149

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 64

Classy.

By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 990

You deserved it 636

29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 836

You deserved it 30 774

Walk the line

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 03:31 - India - New Delhi

Today, I got dumped for not "walking the talk" by someone who'd laid a whole bunch of relationship ground rules on day one, and conveniently violated each one of them in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 192

29/07/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 881

You deserved it 6 283

18/02/2010 15:01 - Norway

Today, I found garbage in my postbox. In amongst the garbage, I found a note saying ''This is all you ever will get. Stay away from me!'', from the girl I sent a love poem to the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 295

You deserved it 7 185

01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 4 295

11/02/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 799

You deserved it 3 814

13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 869

You deserved it 6 436

31/07/2012 14:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my guy friends actually hang out with me at my house all the time is because they think my mom is hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 428

You deserved it 2 510

02/03/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 516

You deserved it 13 492

10/02/2010 11:47 - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 103

You deserved it 4 509

27/12/2011 07:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 578

You deserved it 10 207

Parenting

By anon - 30/06/2020 08:02

Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 111

24/01/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 111

You deserved it 42 487

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 416

12/09/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, I updated an e-mail I've saved to drafts and have been updating every day for the last few months to a girl I really adore. In this letter, I told her everything I ever kept from her. Instead of saving it to drafts again, I accidentally sent it. And she's online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 591

You deserved it 51 242

Is she better than me?

By Lovesucks - 02/12/2019 14:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my boyfriend, who is buying me a ring for my birthday is buying my best friend a ring that cost 10 times more than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 750

You deserved it 253

11/12/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 617

You deserved it 2 593

Child's play

By knew that kid looked familiar - 06/10/2021 17:00

Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 130

14/05/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 352

You deserved it 3 716

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:09

When explaining embarrassing things, demonstrations are never a good idea.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:16

Pics or it didn't happen.

Comments

RTB94 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:08

fail

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:11

everyone's getting drunk, you show a little skin... where's the FML?

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:12

Repetition disorder? Maybe you just have repressed desires to walk around a exhibitionist.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 3:53

Sucks to hear =( Especially since you're probably going to see these same people many more times. Good luck ___________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

Reyo 2

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Thursday 24 December 2009 10:11

That must've been a very realistic demonstration...

Scubadiver172001 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 16:23

hmm idk wear a bra???

_why_me_why_now_ 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 17:55

Wait, how did this happen exactly? Can you demonstrate it for us?

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:46

haha yea

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Thursday 5 May 2011 0:51

why would you even tell them about that? I wouldn't.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:09

When explaining embarrassing things, demonstrations are never a good idea.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:34

Agreed!

GrimGothicAngel 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 3:46

but when you do them and post them online, pictures are a must..

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Thursday 24 December 2009 22:24

Couldn't have said it better myself #38

lovin_bigsister 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:09

wow maybe you just have a thing with flashing people

blink182rocks 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:11

WOW LEAVE IT TOO A FUCKING GIRL TO FAIL SO HARD! GO BACK TO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:19

Do us all a favour and run over to your local supermarket and see if they have any originality or humor in stock, however cheap they'll still be light years beyond your current ones. And to the OP, bad idea... but you know that now. So here I'll just shout out my support to people flashing body parts at parties ! You go girl/guy !

blink182rocks 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:21

just leave you dumbass feminist.

patticake1601 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:26

find new line moron.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:30

Oh the sheer trolly wittiness !!! I am at loss of words.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:16

Pics or it didn't happen.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 6:44

Haha, once i read this i knew somebody was gonna say that

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Saturday 9 October 2010 6:20

same here

thereallauren 0

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:21

k sorry but why were u 're-enacting' it anyways? you so had it coming and kinda made me rofl a bit :)

krez 20

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:24

You gotta come over and tell me this story sometime...

goingdown_fml 0

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Friday 11 June 2010 16:10

yeah haha

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:25

Attention whore

cassiebear7652 7

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Saturday 10 September 2011 17:20

Exactly.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:25

can i have some pics of this please.

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Thursday 24 December 2009 1:25

I'm guessing you really like to show your boobs.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 28

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 455