Love: Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing...

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 638

You deserved it 12 465

Love

Empathy lives

Batman

She'll come around

Poor kid

By fair lady - 03/06/2021 04:01

Today, I watched as my four-year-old niece accidentally knocked over her mom’s wine. She was clearly upset about it, and her mother screaming at her didn’t help. Later, she asked her mom if she still loved her, to which she replied, "I don’t believe in second chances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 76

By bookworm94 - 27/07/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 501

You deserved it 16 638

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 14:03 - United States - Charlotte

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 632

You deserved it 2 744

Apple juice, motherfucker

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 17:01 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 721

You deserved it 2 866

By Petridishoflove - 20/01/2009 06:12 - Hong Kong

Today, I put my paint brush into my cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 533

You deserved it 22 825

By mista hunna - 08/09/2016 05:31 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 424

You deserved it 1 555

By YouWish - 25/08/2016 03:57 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, on my way to work, I was checking my hair in the semi-reflective window of an office building. I suddenly realized that the guy I had a one-night stand with last week was standing on the other side, looking confused. He now genuinely believes that I am stalking him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 325

You deserved it 1 652

Stressed out

By Jocelyn - 18/02/2019 12:00

Today, I got stressed and well, let's just say I got carried away, pulled off most of my eyelashes on one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 1 716

WTF dude?

By 4evalone - 22/04/2016 18:06 - United States

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 279

You deserved it 1 643

By failedexam - 06/11/2009 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 683

You deserved it 6 134

Take what you can get

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 126

By BigFoot - 29/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 967

You deserved it 20 307

To make an omelette

By EggyBum - 26/01/2010 01:41 - United States

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 090

You deserved it 30 462

Armchair psychiatrist

By jessie - 16/12/2020 20:58 - United States - Denver

Today, I was informed that I am, in fact, faking my depression. Why? Because I shower daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 30/04/2019 16:00

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 304

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 121

You deserved it 5 949

Not into it

By wtf Homer? - 21/04/2021 00:30

Today, my husband’s been dropping hints he wants to open our marriage. When I got home, a couple of his coworkers dropped by "for drinks". They tried to initiate group sex and figured I just needed to be talked into it. I was so mad, I couldn’t throw everyone out fast enough, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 895

You deserved it 9 094

User notice

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 02:52 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 428

You deserved it 3 097

By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 368

You deserved it 5 753

By makinascene - 05/02/2009 10:05 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 552

You deserved it 5 698

By noname - 18/02/2013 01:28 - United States - Middletown

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 102

You deserved it 3 035

By neveragain - 16/03/2012 05:11 - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 451

You deserved it 30 815

By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 05/01/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 014

You deserved it 4 946

By madeyoulaugh - 25/11/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I was watching my 7 year old daughter and her friend jump on our trampoline. I was really impressed by all the flips they were doing, and I told her "Hey! I can't even do that." To that her friend replied " Of course you can't. You're fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 910

You deserved it 8 158

By Waterfalls - 07/10/2014 11:33 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 213

You deserved it 10 621

By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 00:36 - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 063

You deserved it 6 032

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, my serious boyfriend was talking about how he wants to get engaged and married. I was really happy until he said he's excited mainly for the tax benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 352

You deserved it 4 329

By CrappyLuck - 04/08/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 764

You deserved it 4 237

By dirk855 - 18/01/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 386

You deserved it 2 319

By brittrus - 08/05/2015 13:44 - Canada - Milton

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 674

You deserved it 3 258

Pranksters

By dan - 09/05/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 080

You deserved it 2 162

By My Life Is Just PERFECT - 30/03/2013 15:29 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 903

You deserved it 4 122

PS I Love You

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 17:01 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 294

By Dunnie - 22/08/2018 18:30

Today, my aunt was itchy down there and sent me to buy a vaginal cream at the pharmacy. The pharmacist was a cute boy and was flirting with me. I said I needed a cream and he asked what for. When I said vaginal cream, he stopped smiling, got the cream, and said, "Good luck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 459

You deserved it 235

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 563

You deserved it 7 938

By Anonymous - 06/02/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that the man I've wanted to be with for the last year and a half also wants to be with me. Two weeks ago, I got a promotion! I'm also legally no longer allowed to date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 23:17 - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 738

You deserved it 5 617

Boozehound

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 17:02

Today, after being accepted into the college of my dreams, I found out that my mom has spent all my college savings on alcohol over the years, and she says that it's my fault for not "helping her get help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 05:01 - Canada - Lansdowne

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 972

You deserved it 4 734

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Top comments

hawkie409 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:25

Well? Did you impress her?

ALERI0N 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:32

lol gravity just pantsed you.

hawkie409 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:25

Well? Did you impress her?

FYLDeep 25

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:26

Lol, what if the lifeguard was a guy?

WingsFan80 4

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:31

the lifeguard was a dude haha

Nena713 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:35

Ydi for trying to impress someone

gzmn91 6

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:36

8 - yeah he could of just talked to her. Unless she was really out of his league.

seanreddog 4

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:45

Maybe he did impress her just not with his swimming skills...

xSkyful 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:46

lol gg

Nylecroc 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 10:07

YDI for showing your weiner... before the first date ;)

panda907 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 10:08

haha obviously she wasn't impressed with you package if your writen an fml

Giorgio272 2

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Saturday 22 May 2010 11:37

I would like to know if the lifeguard was a hot chick with nice boobs. or a buff guy with a decent package. pics please. anti flood ftw anti flood ftw anti flood ftw

cincin75 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 12:08

I am sure that was impressive. ;)

liveloveandownit 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 14:08

In Soviet Russia lifeguards loose swimsuits to impress you.

TiffanyBlews27 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 15:00

YDI for attempting to show off. Just talk to a girl next time. We like it more if guys have the guts to talk to us. If they show off, they often seem like annoying douches. (in this case, you were ok) But didja still impress her? ;D

TiffanyBlews27 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 15:01

Oh, Hawkie, I LOVE the pikachu. It's so adorable!! XD

melissamoshh 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 15:05

umm why don't you try being yourself silly goose :) ughhh anti-flooood

Kylias 6

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Saturday 22 May 2010 15:23

You deserve it for thinking that's impressive.

epicenur 2

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Saturday 22 May 2010 16:56

impressive dive but what's in your pants must've not been

Notjustanother1 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 17:20

I'm guessing your lil guy down there didn't impress her either

theian01 3

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Saturday 22 May 2010 17:33

In Soviet Russia, "lose" and "loose" swap meanings. >_> Sorry, it just annoys me, I used to do it too.

TTony 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 18:08

...No Comment ,You Know Im Pretty Sure U Sorta Did It Wrong LOL

superman1392 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 18:18

your ugly as fuck bro lmao

phillyboss25 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 18:45

next time piss while ur diving in the water, that's impressive

Devv6 0

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Sunday 23 May 2010 2:16

what does YDI mean???

Nomazlab 0

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Sunday 23 May 2010 2:41

It means "You deserved it"

Devv6 0

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Sunday 23 May 2010 2:42

oh, thanks

schnitzel5 0

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Sunday 23 May 2010 6:52

that'll impress her, no get her to do one where she looses her top

newmanlyman3 8

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Monday 24 May 2010 4:18

MiGman 5

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Monday 24 May 2010 6:02

op it probably impressed her more

poezpoee 0

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Monday 24 May 2010 6:55

Classic

Greyst0ne 0

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Thursday 27 May 2010 3:46

#13 FTW.

danieltheman 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:45

lollllll

SoFlyJohn 0

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Monday 16 January 2012 5:26

Im hungry....

YaoiTitan 10

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Wednesday 13 April 2016 5:18

Probably not. LOL cool water contracts… stuff.

ALERI0N 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:32

lol gravity just pantsed you.

seanreddog 4

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:57

So did she get her pussy wet when you pretended to drown and got her to jump in and save you and then gave you CPR right?

heidelbergmeme 5

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Saturday 22 May 2010 20:03

while your package was out in the wild

Ninja666_fml 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 1:04

exactly what I was thinking 64

mike9009 2

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:32

depending on what u got goin on down there maybe she was impresses...

tokintot07 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 19:18

yeah. I wanna know if "they" were impressed.

margxoxo 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:33

how can you only realize afterwards!?

hawkie409 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:34

After the dive, I think he means. Or he felt wind down there after exiting the pool xD

margxoxo 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:38

but wouldn't he have felt it coming off after the dive? shouldn't he feel naked? oh well, either way, fyl.

FYLDeep 25

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:41

Time for the no pants dance. Maybe you can combo it with the dive for double points.

ForeverRealTx 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 9:56

so you freed willie

anonacs 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 10:12

i dont see the fml here

dani3l 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 10:20

only thing that impressed her was how small his shiit is lol

LilAfo 4

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Saturday 22 May 2010 10:51

that doesnt impress anyone :b

romskiies 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 11:21

more like surprised lmfao ilafp

jameschis 0

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Sunday 23 May 2010 9:11

lilafo you are hot!!

hotmess_xxx 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 10:38

pants in the pool pants in the pool lookin like a tool with your pants in the pool

Nena713 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 10:45

Haha! You're a hot mess :P

xoluvinshayxo 0

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Saturday 22 May 2010 15:18

#23 = you win :)

friedchickenpie 14

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Wednesday 7 December 2011 5:07

Yes... you get a trophy. I lmao'd on the inside

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 162

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 2 721

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