Love: Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me,...

By ruvru - United States

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56590

You deserved it

4106

Favorite

Love

Can they do that?

Modernity

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I got on the bus. Before I could make it to a free seat, the driver hit the gas, and the sudden movement caused me to stumble and accidentally grab onto another passenger for support. She didn't appreciate this, accused me of molesting her, and got me thrown back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41105

You deserved it

2985

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39078

You deserved it

4047

Favorite

By so bored -__- - United States

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18535

You deserved it

31082

Favorite

By BlueSteele220 - United States - Coppell

Today, my family got mad at me for eloping and not inviting them to my wedding. Even though they admitted they wouldn't have gone anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21417

You deserved it

1917

Favorite

By fEk - Australia

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1881

You deserved it

296

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43670

You deserved it

7271

Favorite

By Danana - Canada

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10520

You deserved it

22731

Favorite

By justsingle - Philippines

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40277

You deserved it

4295

Favorite

By amy - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46542

You deserved it

3943

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53359

You deserved it

7414

Favorite

By paparoach - United States - Kapolei

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29468

You deserved it

4857

Favorite

By Pissed - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12238

You deserved it

2914

Favorite

By geekyteendisaster - United States - Littleton

Today, my crush finally asked me to homecoming. I told my best friend, thinking she would be happy for me. Now we are in a big argument and she won't talk to me because I have a date and she doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3148

You deserved it

255

Favorite

By so sad no dad

Today, while out with my girlfriends, my overbearing boyfriend called and texted my phone over and over. Later, I told him to calm down and stop acting like my dad. He snapped back, "How am I acting like your dad when you don’t have one?" He knows my dad died when I was 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2496

You deserved it

253

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53794

You deserved it

6255

Favorite

By jadakorn - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47106

You deserved it

29300

Favorite

By macaroni17 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40896

You deserved it

12743

Favorite

By must be adopted - United States - Houston

Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34586

You deserved it

4513

Favorite

By slcbabii23 - United States

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10378

You deserved it

40033

Favorite

By No O-face - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33687

You deserved it

6409

Favorite

By ADickySituation - United States - Wilmette

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56750

You deserved it

4915

Favorite

By tryena - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20248

You deserved it

92450

Favorite

By mathhhh - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10036

You deserved it

38279

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11305

You deserved it

40019

Favorite

By microlovin - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65532

You deserved it

9229

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12701

You deserved it

37627

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 14:02

Denied

Today, I asked a girl for her number and I wrote it down when she gave it to me. When I called her, it wasn't her. She'd given me a restaurant's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

649

You deserved it

258

Favorite

By sotter42 - 20/7/2020 17:01

Meddling

Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1222

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By fingerfuckd - Canada

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

166128

You deserved it

13617

Favorite

By probablydodgedabullet - Australia - Wollongong

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a text message consisting solely of emoticons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49748

You deserved it

4615

Favorite

By Ohshucks! - United States

Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29498

You deserved it

15492

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1500

You deserved it

Favorite

By Fmylife.25 - United States

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35971

You deserved it

6142

Favorite

By xmassmasher - United States - Ruston

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32705

You deserved it

4581

Favorite

By carl_carl_ - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28722

You deserved it

2182

Favorite

By nick - United States - Palm Desert

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31406

You deserved it

12577

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called a wrong number. Calling back the right person, I began a long story about how I'd just called the wrong number. It was the wrong number lady again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13552

You deserved it

38712

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31882

You deserved it

2809

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32019

You deserved it

2809

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 08:00

Frustration

Today, my wife is still refusing all forms of sex, because she thinks if she gets pregnant during lockdown, she’ll be the butt of all her friends' jokes about what people get up to to relieve the lockdown boredom. I know what I’d like to be getting up to right now to relieve my boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1846

You deserved it

311

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By AnneFTW | 17

#100571 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:51

LOL he needs to learn when to stop talking XD

By woahcomments | 0

#100565 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:51

compliment fail.

COMMENTS

By basketball03 | 0

#100549 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:47

ur boyfriend sucks!

coldasfire | 23

#6257110 - Thursday 9 April 2015 3:10

and you swallow

By electric_fml | 0

#100555 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:48

ouch.

By woahcomments | 0

#100565 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:51

compliment fail.

By AnneFTW | 17

#100571 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:51

LOL he needs to learn when to stop talking XD

By Savvy89 | 0

#100579 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:53

ROFL WAFFLE!
at least he didn't say, "I really like your head, its small and cute" "it really helps your body"
look at the bright side =D

sarahandjamie | 1

#4217789 - Monday 26 March 2012 13:31

u can always change ur body though

By lolwhat_fml | 0

#100582 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:53

This isnt much of an fml ?
but the one in front of yours is ;D

By bitchie | 0

#100584 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:54

what an ass

By porsche944 | 0

#100585 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:54

He was just trying to be nice, give him a break man.

By Katers22 | 0

#100593 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:56

Wow. If he would have just stopped talking, that would have been nice.

Sigh.

By itsTiffany | 0

#100614 - Saturday 11 April 2009 2:03

What a charmer :)