Love: Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling... - FML

06/11/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 757

You deserved it 2 972

Walk the line

Dysfunctional

Bee Movie 2: Electric Boogaloo

29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 836

You deserved it 30 774

14/05/2016 20:16 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 459

You deserved it 1 479

22/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 673

You deserved it 13 135

21/09/2018 06:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, I took my transfer student, who I am hosting for her year of study in America, to the doctor. It turns out that she is pregnant, and my teenage son is the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 618

25/09/2018 05:00

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 693

17/04/2014 10:37 - France - Bron

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 684

You deserved it 38 381

I hate Mondays

By Leaving Early Fail - 12/01/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 11 615

10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 18 310

18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 955

You deserved it 6 751

26/03/2012 10:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 288

You deserved it 30 173

18/06/2018 19:00

Today, I realized why my lavender products were no longer helping me calm down. I use lavender so much when I'm anxious that I've associated the smell with anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 447

You deserved it 676

21/04/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 463

You deserved it 31 907

14/12/2013 22:05 - United States - Fullerton

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 4 016

10/12/2013 09:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 245

You deserved it 3 817

17/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 589

You deserved it 14 482

19/02/2010 11:52 - Australia

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 152

You deserved it 6 066

18/12/2016 14:55 - United States - Harbor City

Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 239

You deserved it 605

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 89

01/10/2014 02:05 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 034

You deserved it 2 865

30/12/2009 16:34 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 343

You deserved it 14 560

26/11/2008 06:18 - France

Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 739

You deserved it 46 472

04/04/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 527

You deserved it 14 287

05/09/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 628

You deserved it 6 171

09/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 023

You deserved it 340

15/11/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 361

You deserved it 2 219

Keep it down

By Anonymous - 06/02/2011 05:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year-old son came in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 130

You deserved it 59 668

23/05/2015 14:50 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 692

You deserved it 1 982

17/01/2009 23:17 - Australia

Today, at a party, I watched the guy I've liked for AGES come out of a bedroom with one of my gay male friends. They were in there for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 292

You deserved it 3 119

06/11/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 176

You deserved it 5 242

28/03/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 828

You deserved it 22 250

04/04/2015 14:35 - France - Melesse

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 570

You deserved it 3 770

25/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 905

You deserved it 3 413

21/12/2012 20:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 073

You deserved it 39 981

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 22:00

Today, my ex was talking about getting back together. I say I’d be willing to talk and ask him to explain what he wants from me, to see if there’s any common ground, but he replied, "I just mention something and you immediately attack me with this emo crap! I already regret even thinking about it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 121

12/06/2016 01:34 - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 226

You deserved it 1 433

02/05/2015 21:59 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 719

You deserved it 5 343

18/06/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 490

You deserved it 11 873

06/07/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 623

You deserved it 6 221

08/03/2016 20:08 - Canada - Concord

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 859

You deserved it 1 609

Good boy

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 06:01 - United States - New Bloomfield

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 374

You deserved it 21 004

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:25

Is he still ten or something?

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:24

Weak!

Comments

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:24

Weak!

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:25

Is he still ten or something?

unfortunate_13 5

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:29

aaah kids these days!

Jotne 0

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:31

Good riddance. Obviously an asshat not worth keeping around anyway. FYL for having the bad fortune (or judgment) to end up in a relationship with him, though.

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:34

Text him and tell him he is a pathetic loser.

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:34

Tell your best friend to text his mum to tell him you had herpes and he should get himself checked

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:39

Or that he's really small. For some reason that seems funnier to hear from your mom than that you have herpes. lol :P

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Friday 6 November 2009 15:23

well that wasn't really the point, if these guys are as young as i think they is, he having Herpes AKA HAVE HAD SEX, + unprotected for that matter would make hes mom rather furious i bet.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Friday 6 November 2009 16:14

But she would also be mad at the OP which we don't want

Intellectualist 0

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:36

lol

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:38

Did you punch him yet?

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:40

Oh how we love thee Beautiful phone tree! Give us the news Along with the blues Or I won't know when he's done with me! FYL

papertigers_fml 0

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Friday 6 November 2009 12:55

you are probably very young, and there's no way it was a serious relationship anyway. i remember when i was 13, i asked my brother to tell my first boyfriend i was breaking up with him. then he went up to my room because he wanted an explanation and i was too busy listening to N'Sync to bother giving him one. good times!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 43

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 110