Kids: Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not...

By hairless - 09/10/2011 03:53 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 6 755

Kids

Another great day to be alive

Empathy lives

The smell detective is on the case

By Treats For Days - 19/07/2013 13:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 047

You deserved it 26 510

By Somethingtoworryabout - 26/10/2018 22:00

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 599

You deserved it 787

By sneaky1324 - 18/08/2012 07:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 878

You deserved it 2 189

By sosad - 09/03/2011 22:08

Today, I was told that I will never be able to have children. Thankfully for my husband, his girlfriend sure can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 346

You deserved it 3 643

Sweet dude

By no booze blues - 21/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 262

By Mark - 27/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I asked out a coworker I really like. She gave me a weird look and said, "You're not gay?" I said no, to which she said, "Well, I am". As it turns out, I was the only one who thought she was straight, and the only one who thought I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 340

Don't drink and DIY

By bob the builders pissed off daughter - 29/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Campbell

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 962

You deserved it 1 388

By wishbone - 14/04/2009 20:41 - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 618

You deserved it 5 635

Emergency haircut

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 02:02

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 186

You deserved it 332

By Username - 28/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 058

You deserved it 6 766

By Patrick - 27/01/2010 11:55 - United States

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 417

You deserved it 5 251

By DeadBroke - 07/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 473

You deserved it 5 710

By beya - 31/08/2009 22:05 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 890

You deserved it 5 848

Artistry

By confusing - 06/06/2014 19:00 - Zimbabwe

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 012

You deserved it 6 837

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 716

You deserved it 2 015

By cdubb27 - 11/10/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a foul smell while on elliptical machine. I figured it was the little old lady on the machine next to me. It was so bad I had to leave. When I got in my truck, I realized the smell had followed me. It was me. My cat had pissed on my workout clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 8 978

By -_- - 30/08/2013 20:31 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 987

You deserved it 4 055

Say it ain't so, please

By Kali - 13/10/2019 04:00

Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 16:23 - United States - Albany

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 972

You deserved it 898

Consolation prize

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I realised my bestie ditched me for her best friend, which was fine because it's her first. But then I found out she's been hanging out with other new friends and never once thought to hit me up, until I messaged her about feeling sad we hadn't hung out in a while because of the pandemic. Guess it wasn't just the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 11/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 395

You deserved it 1 444

By GasFromThePast - 24/11/2018 16:40 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 836

You deserved it 619

By anon_smh - 18/02/2016 04:37 - United States - Bozeman

Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 486

You deserved it 1 385

By Snuffles - 24/04/2019 18:00

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 218

By Brian - 23/12/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 061

You deserved it 2 449

By Jayde - 04/02/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 172

You deserved it 5 583

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 23:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 405

You deserved it 17 173

No dog for you

By Anonymous - 21/11/2021 05:01 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked my landlord if I could get a dog. He said no, and gave me an illegal rent increase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 22/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 453

You deserved it 353

In a rush

By Crappy - 11/04/2015 12:12 - Canada - Rodney

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 437

You deserved it 2 981

By uwotm8 - 24/05/2015 00:58 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 738

You deserved it 25 339

By filipkm - 06/05/2016 14:37 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 371

You deserved it 2 781

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 03:44 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 888

You deserved it 3 382

By i love stupid people - 14/07/2019 06:30

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 108

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 229

You deserved it 7 061

By puppylove - 03/08/2019 16:00 - Philippines

Today, my mom found me staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 1 899

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 11:08 - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 515

You deserved it 2 862

Unfair dismissal

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 01:59

Today, I got fired from my new job. It was the start of my third week, and I got fired for not opening the store. The manager forgot to give me keys to open the store, and was two hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 67

By unattractive - 18/12/2010 09:32 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 6 341

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 004

You deserved it 6 271

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Freeze_fml 16

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:09

Someone answered their own question.

_Vamp_ 9

Sunday 9 October 2011 10:04

And you can't either gangsta beiber. It's past your bed time you silly goose.

yumsugarr 8

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:08

Having no eyebrows is hot .

Senior29 8

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:17

how about you shave yours then?

xxxkkxxx 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:19

and shave your mustache while you're at it

borntoperform 14

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:19

OP must be one hell of a heavy sleeper

enonymous 8

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:34

Whoa... Never shave a good mustache... Ever...

iEthan 5

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:38

You can't talk.

_Vamp_ 9

Sunday 9 October 2011 10:04

And you can't either gangsta beiber. It's past your bed time you silly goose.

alstbv12 13

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 10:38

31- Your hat might fit over that ridiculous hair if it was a bit larger.

gojira666 7

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 10:43

Kick his ass Seabass!

tylersign 11

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 10:48

Voldemort must be your favorite character.

CryMoreFMLs 14

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 10:50

Since this thread is full of random shit... I think I'll throw my own random input in. Chuck Norris cures cancer with his tears.

iEthan 5

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 11:10

36. Lmao. Comeback when you get a soul. Then you can talk to me. Kthxbaii

iEthan 5

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 11:12

42. It's on the back of my head you dumbass. Suck my blonde Balls. P.S. Don't choke.

Iskaria 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 11:56

Lovely, now we have two young sociopaths. (OP's little brother, and, the aptly named, 'Gangsta Beiber')

Adman567 9

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 12:02

31, 48, 49: you have balls? And i agree with 36 u sterotypical 9 year old. He may not have a soul, but at least he has a dick and doesnt look like a try hard justin bieber. Thar is all, thank you.

dre_bro11 12

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 13:22

People, that's how it goes. Shave your eyebrows off, then just draw them back on. As for 'iEthan', you're the first guy or ever seen say 'kthxbaii' before... And you're not fooling anyone with the name; you're just making Apple's iDevices look bad. 'kthxbaii'

zendaddy0 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 15:31

If it was anything but the new stuff on cartoon network I don't blame him

rawrkittyrawr 6

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 15:39

iEthan, fag, Bieber ( sorry for redundancy ) wtf are you 9 grow your boobs out before you talk shit As you say 'kthnxbai'

Super_Jill_ 1

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 16:03

Hey are you Emoboy-_- on psn? If so, I'm Super_Jill. xD

_Vamp_ 9

Sunday 9 October 2011 19:06

Tisk tisk little Beiberus. I have hairs on my balls older than you. You are so cool I just want to.... I just want to hold you. Wait... too much?

Bravo11 14

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 20:51

iEthan-Your default, in my opinion, is funnier than the FML itself. What look are you going for exactly?

dani212 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 21:59

Leave iEthan alone!!! Bitchy Gangsta Biebers need love too!

SanDiegoGirl111 3

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 2:24

LMFAO!!!

exleonhart 0

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 2:24

I like iEthans jowls. They are nice.

Bravo11 14

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 5:13

I'm sexy and I know it.

enonymous 8

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 7:59

42 wait that's his hat? Thought his dad was trying to hit him with a ping pong paddle

etnies123 5

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 23:08

Hello

funnyFMLSplz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 October 2011 5:32

I'm back!! No one probably remembers me but idc. Iethan.. You dont even look "gangsta" you look like a "fag" beiber 'kthxbai'

funnyFMLSplz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 October 2011 5:42

My damn comment got deleted

funnyFMLSplz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 October 2011 5:51

Alright moderators, you can stop deleting my comments. It's the second time in less than 10 minutes.

AndrewN16 6

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:09

How did he do it? Because the only way he could have would have been if u were asleep

Freeze_fml 16

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:09

Someone answered their own question.

kelsey_katie 17

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:21

Now, don't mean to him! He just had a moment.

enonymous 8

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 10:02

Inception happened to get him to do it.

Victoire_W 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 15:59

No shit Sherlock.

Jbfu 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 20:30

How did you type that sentence? Because the only way for you to do types is if you have a keyboard...

hannahcorrine 0

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 0:04

Are you fucking serious bro?

bassdredd 2

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:09

you let him get close enough to shave your eyebrows without you knowing...

abbyelizabeth 9

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 12:58

Older siblings need to realize we don't fuck around. >:)

Mizz_FML 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:09

YDI, Cartoons are the best!

PrincessesCrown 17

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 5:48

Avatars the best! I would be pissed if I couldn't watch my cartoons on Sunday's!

Yetifoot 0

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 8:54

Avatar has been made into a TV show?

Daralea 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 October 2011 17:44

The Last Air Bender. Not that blue people crap.

GennaSaysFYL 3

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:12

Revenge is sweet ;)

ArcadePie 10

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 18:49

That it is!

castrosabeast 7

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:12

Did you tell him 90's cartoons were better anyway?

shireeniee 8

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:51

Right? Cartoons today are shit.

gotaphd 6

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 20:49

they tottally ruined the bugs bunny episodes over the years, shortened them down a lot

bitchesbecrazy2 4

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:12

Shit, I'm in the first ten comments, so much pressure!

GennaSaysFYL 3

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:16

11- Sh*t, you've made my top ten list of people who annoy me! So much pressure! Congrats.

Freeze_fml 16

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:17

You're going to cry when you read your number.

MJJ5809 9

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:24

Winning

AndrewN16 6

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:13

Haha yeah but I thought he wpuld have woke up from that

exleonhart 0

Send a private message

Monday 10 October 2011 2:29

I can't believe how much I hate you. :(

CHOMP3R 0

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:14

Should've listened :)

borntoperform 14

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 9:16

You just sat and let him?

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 16

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 1 081

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 1 233

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments