Animals: Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling...

By injuredwifelady - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20742

You deserved it

1974

Favorite

Animals

Lockdown is driving us down

Blender time!

Cloth ears

By it'sabitwindy - United States

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of 'Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25473

You deserved it

3147

Favorite

By H05T1L3 - United States

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20871

You deserved it

37092

Favorite

By cheezeits - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36073

You deserved it

6810

Favorite

By wormsmeat - Canada - Kingston

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27915

You deserved it

1748

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58055

You deserved it

14771

Favorite

By StayedHome89 - United States

Today, I ran into some friends from high school who had just gotten back from college. We were talking about what happened during our sophomore year. When it was my turn to tell them what I had been doing, all I could say was "Well, I started wearing V-Neck t-shirts and they're pretty comfortable." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10682

You deserved it

28136

Favorite

By catlover - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11183

You deserved it

32198

Favorite

By Phabia - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33845

You deserved it

2309

Favorite

By thanks mom

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3246

You deserved it

261

Favorite

By Scared - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32571

You deserved it

3378

Favorite

By fatface - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58034

You deserved it

3753

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - Guayanilla

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25235

You deserved it

4360

Favorite

By Greattitan2 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25516

You deserved it

1849

Favorite

By T-Shain - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49286

You deserved it

8509

Favorite

By AznKoreanGuy - United States

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50778

You deserved it

4663

Favorite

By rj - United States - Goddard

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40331

You deserved it

5798

Favorite

By pipers - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1978

You deserved it

246

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38789

You deserved it

4097

Favorite

By Lexi - Canada

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28328

You deserved it

7230

Favorite

By HeatherRosure18 - United States - Glendale Heights

Today, while at the nail salon, my boyfriend called. Since I was getting my nails done, I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear their snickering in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37865

You deserved it

7356

Favorite

By carnivore - United States

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68393

You deserved it

5872

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60040

You deserved it

6440

Favorite

By Cakeman - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8270

You deserved it

51640

Favorite

By lyssuhhhh - United States

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37498

You deserved it

6564

Favorite

By Helpful Smile - United States - Davenport

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41013

You deserved it

5386

Favorite

By sleeping on the floor - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. It wasn't until the huge fight which ended with us breaking up did I realize that I was snowed in with him. One day down, two to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29557

You deserved it

4413

Favorite

By badmom - 2/8/2020 02:02

Zoom this, bitches!

Today, my younger son was doing a Zoom meeting for his upcoming school orientation. I tried to hold it in, but I stepped away for a moment to run to the restroom. My older son thought it’d be a hilarious "prank" to moon the camera. School hasn’t even started and we're already the "problem family". FML

I agree, your life sucks

1332

You deserved it

199

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bowling Green

Today, while out walking with my son in a stroller, a couple passed by and the girl smiled sweetly at him. It made me really happy, until we passed and I heard her say "What? You're supposed to smile at babies, even if they look weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32536

You deserved it

2678

Favorite

By fuck - United States - Somerville

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23868

You deserved it

6383

Favorite

By sheyshey0413 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46876

You deserved it

6913

Favorite

By link - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2540

You deserved it

4320

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48680

You deserved it

4920

Favorite

By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58776

You deserved it

15714

Favorite

By :( - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44793

You deserved it

4730

Favorite

By hhaannnnaahh - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46886

You deserved it

3490

Favorite

By Cpt Colin - United States

Get out of here

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39721

You deserved it

5937

Favorite

By Ohfman117 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10930

You deserved it

71585

Favorite

By LizP40 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

63783

You deserved it

9358

Favorite

By CalyenaL - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29647

You deserved it

3118

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Nashville

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24834

You deserved it

4664

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#6543346 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:04

I bet that wasn't the only pussy he drove away that night

By gamermonster | 34

#6543328 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 17:59

I sure hope your legs don't get infected. Heal quick OP.

COMMENTS

By gamermonster | 34

#6543328 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 17:59

I sure hope your legs don't get infected. Heal quick OP.

By Emma1562 | 35

#6543335 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:01

Dang that's unfortunate, next time keep her above the covers

PencilTips | 19

#6543352 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:07

Those things know how to get anywhere and anyplace it's scary. Also, once they find a comfort zone, you best not mess with them.

By whoredom | 21

#6543337 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Emma1562 | 35

#6543341 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:02

All those puns are a CATastrophy

Yuso_Yagari | 9

#6543460 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 19:45

You've got to be kitten me

NomeDMF | 17

#6543643 - Wednesday 24 February 2016 1:32

Tried a little too hard there.

By senor_octubre | 24

#6543342 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:03

That's hilarious that your husband Dutch ovened your cat. But seriously fyl hope your legs get better

By kokomo777 | 17

#6543343 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:03

Rub catnip on his legs tonight. Hope your legs heal, OP!

confused_wandere | 26

#6543515 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 20:41

Well that's just cruel isn't it? What he did was completely accidental.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6543626 - Wednesday 24 February 2016 0:38

No he purposefully Dutch ovened the cat. The injuries to op were accidental but he made the choice to be a dick to the cat.

confused_wandere | 26

#6543689 - Wednesday 24 February 2016 2:24

So that means she should purposely hurt him? It sucks majorly that she got hurt, but that wasn't his intenion. You can't just hurt someone on purpose to get back at them.