Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling...

By injuredwifelady - 23/2/2016 08:23 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20723

You deserved it

1971

Favorite

Animals

Assumptions

Live dumping

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1117

You deserved it

858

Favorite

By I'm just sick, really - 2/5/2015 00:33 - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33204

You deserved it

2415

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/5/2013 12:40 - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44046

You deserved it

10942

Favorite

By - 12/1/2017 20:00

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5408

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

By niccy - 9/9/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29452

You deserved it

10421

Favorite

By DFR - 9/6/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41502

You deserved it

23637

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/2/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6995

You deserved it

534

Favorite

By soaked - 31/8/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48357

You deserved it

2708

Favorite

By Sally - 24/8/2018 22:00

Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2483

You deserved it

767

Favorite

By Marriedtoajew - 3/1/2018 19:00

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5770

You deserved it

399

Favorite

By Jacklyn - 18/3/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13725

You deserved it

19953

Favorite

By Tori - 16/2/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32215

You deserved it

4993

Favorite

By gan-1991 - 15/6/2020 23:01

It's called caring, OK?

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1123

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/4/2015 22:05 - United States - Shelby

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37689

You deserved it

11783

Favorite

By anonymous - 8/9/2015 12:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27339

You deserved it

2023

Favorite

By HttpsHaileyy - 15/6/2015 20:02 - United States

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27696

You deserved it

9537

Favorite

By LockandKey - 24/2/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57203

You deserved it

28130

Favorite

By wormsick - 6/12/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36877

You deserved it

3133

Favorite

By Benji - 20/5/2009 19:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51427

You deserved it

7468

Favorite

By Joe - 27/8/2012 13:33 - United States - Coalgate

Today, I started my new job at a fragrance store. While training, the manager had me smell all of the scents to become familiar with the products. Before my shift was over, I'd had three asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25157

You deserved it

5707

Favorite

By subtweetqueen - 9/9/2016 04:18 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13401

You deserved it

1206

Favorite

By hlev24 - 3/3/2009 16:20 - United States

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

103814

You deserved it

6588

Favorite

By Professional_Ars - 14/10/2018 14:00

Today, the coworker I have a crush on left halfway through the busiest shift of the week, and now I have to work it alone. I eventually found out that she left to go on a date with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2778

You deserved it

360

Favorite

By prickly - 11/10/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42903

You deserved it

2802

Favorite

By nothing_nobody - 23/6/2016 01:31

Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14496

You deserved it

1930

Favorite

By wtf - 31/7/2010 23:31 - United States

Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42731

You deserved it

3941

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/3/2016 05:57 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21896

You deserved it

1777

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/5/2012 00:15 - United States

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28157

You deserved it

2709

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2012 02:48 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my best friend got engaged to the guy she's been seeing for five years. He also happens to be the man I've been in love with for eight. As she was giving me the details, she nonchalantly gave me her reason for accepting the proposal: "Why the hell not, there's always divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30273

You deserved it

4476

Favorite

By Loser - 4/5/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14388

You deserved it

73875

Favorite

By Username - 28/3/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50164

You deserved it

5445

Favorite

By maaaryy - 7/1/2009 05:53 - France

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20114

You deserved it

9343

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/6/2013 04:12 - Canada - Kingston

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51865

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By riiiighhhttttt - 5/8/2013 05:38 - United States - Laurel

Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43584

You deserved it

4334

Favorite

By Duplighost - 12/1/2012 20:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24704

You deserved it

39903

Favorite

By wtf - 7/1/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks

28477

You deserved it

3590

Favorite

By lonesomegal - 30/1/2015 18:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33269

You deserved it

2431

Favorite

By sunny_funny - 20/12/2016 18:51 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7753

You deserved it

996

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/11/2015 18:26 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22406

You deserved it

3628

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27260

You deserved it

4201

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#6543346 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:04

I bet that wasn't the only pussy he drove away that night

By gamermonster | 34

#6543328 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 17:59

I sure hope your legs don't get infected. Heal quick OP.

COMMENTS

By gamermonster | 34

#6543328 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 17:59

I sure hope your legs don't get infected. Heal quick OP.

By Emma1562 | 35

#6543335 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:01

Dang that's unfortunate, next time keep her above the covers

PencilTips | 19

#6543352 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:07

Those things know how to get anywhere and anyplace it's scary. Also, once they find a comfort zone, you best not mess with them.

By whoredom | 21

#6543337 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Emma1562 | 35

#6543341 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:02

All those puns are a CATastrophy

Yuso_Yagari | 9

#6543460 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 19:45

You've got to be kitten me

NomeDMF | 17

#6543643 - Wednesday 24 February 2016 1:32

Tried a little too hard there.

By senor_octubre | 24

#6543342 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:03

That's hilarious that your husband Dutch ovened your cat. But seriously fyl hope your legs get better

By kokomo777 | 17

#6543343 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:03

Rub catnip on his legs tonight. Hope your legs heal, OP!

confused_wandere | 26

#6543515 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 20:41

Well that's just cruel isn't it? What he did was completely accidental.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6543626 - Wednesday 24 February 2016 0:38

No he purposefully Dutch ovened the cat. The injuries to op were accidental but he made the choice to be a dick to the cat.

confused_wandere | 26

#6543689 - Wednesday 24 February 2016 2:24

So that means she should purposely hurt him? It sucks majorly that she got hurt, but that wasn't his intenion. You can't just hurt someone on purpose to get back at them.