Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
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Top comments
beefstew_54 3
thats just awful. just....ugh **** that shit.. *shivers*
HowAreYouToday 34
Why the hell were you born?
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Comments (141)
lemonzest13 2
Oh my gosh. I hate spiders
krewer21 1
Ahhh, I hate spiders and can't even imagine what happened! OP, I feel your fear, disgust and embarrassment.
claudzzzz 5
ewwwww! lol
wowthatissad 9
Uggh that is so ******* gross I can just imagine a huge ugly hairy spider *gags* fyl op. That is so disgusting.
kimg0885 23
Now you can be on one of those survival shows.
Shadowvoid 33
That's just nature's way of making sure you get enough protein. :)
slicknick38 4
Was it good for you too?
SenselessPattern 12
Hey DocBastard, you ever have problems with people having a threesome with their car, the tree, and a cellphone as well? My picture could be a possible outcome of said mixture.
kristof16 1
Ever wonder how the spider felt
Calyx_fml 22
And now it's laying eggs in your stomach.