Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house... - FML

By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

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Healthy relationship

Ambien conversations are the worst

Fashion Police

By flop of shame - 17/8/2019 16:00

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

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By SadFoxLady - 10/6/2013 18:01 - United States - Des Moines

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

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By Baby - 26/1/2017 08:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML

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By Susan - 18/3/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2011 23:46 - United States

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

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By raiyne - 11/1/2011 13:34

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

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By Muscle - 6/3/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

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By loganHchrist - 9/1/2014 00:53 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

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By kansasgirl - 2/3/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

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By Invisible - 22/5/2009 19:27 - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

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By Can2 - 8/1/2014 19:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 15:26 - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

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By girlw/ablog - 2/7/2019 11:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2015 13:33 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 10:02 - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

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By Tired Girlfriend - 14/6/2017 22:00

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

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By clingmaster - 9/9/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

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By JuggaloSlasher15 - 8/8/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

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By Noname - 10/2/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

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By stillfuckingcrying - 24/2/2013 21:20 - Sweden - Kristdala

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By bailey1389 - 26/8/2020 02:02 - United States

Slippery slope

Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

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By jamienicole1993 - 5/2/2015 01:21 - United States - Savannah

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

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By the_captain - 23/6/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2016 03:39 - Australia - Cardiff

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

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By Kate - 5/4/2019 22:00 - United States - Exton

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

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By lonesome - 15/12/2014 03:22 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

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By goodbyeGPA - 8/10/2018 17:30

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

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By Dante178 - 8/12/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2017 12:00

Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML

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By teejayrn - 17/12/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time. His response was to smile and pat me on the head. FML

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By smellynelly - 17/5/2015 16:13 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

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By RuinedTheMood - 21/9/2014 05:11 - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

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By Highroller_17 - 13/8/2015 04:13 - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

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By Depressed - 17/5/2016 23:16 - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

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By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

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Top comments

By anonymouse93_fml | 0

#610196 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:16

LOL make sure to laugh at them when they come crying to you next time :)! ojay.

By shamille | 5

#610340 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:56

i'd say you proved your point. if you can get hurt going at normal speed, imagine what can happen when running!

COMMENTS

By anonymouse93_fml | 0

#610196 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:16

LOL make sure to laugh at them when they come crying to you next time :)! ojay.

Reply

waterynuggets | 0

#610198 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:17

Yeah!! That'll show 'em! Be the adult!

Anyone got CPS on speed dial

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#610230 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:41

Uh, no, but good idea. Sometimes reading FML makes you wonder...

Reply

amd3lky | 0

#1024285 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 23:25

I'd be laughing my ass off to

By greenburbon | 0

#610212 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:23

I find this very funny. I hope your better now, but still, to scold them about hurting themselves and then for you to be a clutz and fall down some stairs...ha.

By WhyworldWhy | 0

#610227 - Thursday 8 October 2009 12:37

I would laugh to.

By meganrox14 | 0

#610255 - Thursday 8 October 2009 13:10

this sounds just like the fml where the theater guy scolded kids then fell of the stage and shattered his cheek bone.

By mcdworker | 0

#610283 - Thursday 8 October 2009 13:49

bonerbonerbonerboner.
hiiii

By Kozzy333 | 0

#610285 - Thursday 8 October 2009 13:51

Let the kids be kids. Let them run around in the house or better yet, send them outside. I know that's a strange concept for parents.

Reply

Rach_star | 0

#610560 - Thursday 8 October 2009 17:37

I know riiiight

Reply

havetoadjust | 0

#610805 - Thursday 8 October 2009 22:28

forealss they're just kiddies

By ChronicFAIL | 0

#610318 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:29

Your kids are some little demons if they hear you fall down stairs and just laugh...

But your walking is fail so HAHA.
XD

By shamille | 5

#610340 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:56

i'd say you proved your point. if you can get hurt going at normal speed, imagine what can happen when running!

Reply

loltoyoutoo | 0

#615506 - Sunday 11 October 2009 17:04

i second that

By jw90 | 18

#610344 - Thursday 8 October 2009 14:59

This reminds me of an episode of Family Guy...

By skyeyez9 | 24

#610472 - Thursday 8 October 2009 16:49

my parents made us go outside to play rain, snow or sunshine! Playing in the summer rain is fun! If it is safe to do so, make your boys go outside, unhook the internet, video games, tv so they don't hesitate staying indoors.