Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
beefstew_54 3
thats just awful. just....ugh **** that shit.. *shivers*
HowAreYouToday 34
Why the hell were you born?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
wolverine47 10
Gf to bf (what she says): "I swallowed a spider today when I gasped at its sight!" Gf to bf (what he hears): "I don't spit, I swallow!"
cr3ativity 15
The itsy bitsty spider went down the human's throat/ Down came the air and the spider tumbled away/ Then it died, a slow death, as it was consumed by your stomach acids.
itssosparkly 21
That was beautiful.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
*slow clap*
PizzaRollsss 5
Give this guy a recording contract.
PeteyPablo12308 20
So very poetic you are... That took my breath away.
andiewithlove 21
47-Hopefully a spider didn't go with it!
emilyjgraham 34
I tried my hardest to keep to the tune but it was not possible :( an itsy bitsy spider went down the humans spout, a few of hours later she pooped the spider out, the spider received only a few minutes of pain but, the itsy bitsy spider will never walk again :( ... I tried!
Trisha_aus 15
61- Good try, here's a cookie
imvanessa917 4
lol i like it
laden_swallow09 35
Better than 16's original, 61! You get +10 interwebz.
DarkHelmet 10
How damn big was this spider if you choked on it??
MURIKKA 11
It was probably one of those Canadian ice spiders. They'll **** your shit up.
danonno 5
Amen to that. It was like the size of a quarter, maybe a little bigger haha
Ch0sen 13
Except she shoots the webs out of her mouth. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go empty my stomach over that pleasant image I just unwittingly created in my own head.
CrysisAverted 5
The spider made you gag? Good for it
MURIKKA 11
Must've been a huge ass spider...
lactosefree1 8
I don't think the ass was what he was referring to...
emilyjgraham 34
"huge ass" does not refer to buttocks size, it's another way of saying "really big".
soyeah_whatsup 4
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed the fly perhaps she'll die... no?
perdix 31
So, after gagging and choking on it for three minutes, did you spit it out or swallow? I gots ta know!
subwaysurfers 13
So do I. I can't believe she left out such a crucial peice of information.
jetsown08 21
20- getting ******** from her probably sucks then. Go too far deep and WHAM, your dick's covered in a spider web and DocBastard is dumbfounded as you roll into his ER.
88vivera 9
Eewww that disgusting
Koppol 15
Why hasn't anyone asked why OP was sitting under a rather large house plant?
MURIKKA 11
What's wrong with sitting under a large houseplant?
Kajol123 5
This is America! We do as we please!