Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana....

Operation Yewtree here I come 26 September 2014, 20:40 London, United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

76 comments

Collection

Black Friday

70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.

Same thing different taste

flying13 3 November 2010, 07:27 United States

Better out than in

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

220 comments

Anonymous 29 July 2026, 03:00 Springfield, United States

Slapstick never gets old

Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML

1 comment

Tim 16 June 2009, 06:15 United States

Basic communication

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML

204 comments

Anonymous 21 June 2009, 19:50 United States

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

208 comments

Anonymous 21 June 2021, 06:01 Steele, United States

Randy Mandy

Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML

6 comments

Anonymous 30 January 2010, 13:16 United States

Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML

154 comments

Anonymous 9 October 2015, 18:02 Colorado Springs, United States

Not funny

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

54 comments

Anonymous 19 March 2014, 10:34 Greensborough, Australia

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

74 comments

Twomanybananas 23 January 2017, 16:00

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

13 comments

Anonymous 21 August 2009, 04:01 United States

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML