Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML
Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML
Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'll bet he was disappointed when you started gagging because you couldn't handle it.
umerin 32
Old people rule.
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Comments (76)
ElizaWy 25
Be so glad you're not a woman. Things like that happen semi-regularly, and then people tell you to learn to take a compliment. :shiver: (Also, sorry about that! Ick.)
doctorhook86 25
#19: And yet in all my years of messily eating half-peaches with my tongue in public, not one woman has ever told me that she wished that peach was her! Talk about double standards....
The_Appendix_ 13
I don't know, I've had multiple women say the wanted to be whatever I happen to be eating. Moral of the story is, women are just as perverted as men.
doctorhook86 25
#39: I just plain don't believe you.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Awesome username. (For those not familiar, Operation Yewtree was the police operation that investigated the allegations of abuse against Jimmy Savile and others in the entertainment business in the U.K.)
brendejafulable 41
Funniest thing I have ever pictured in my head. FYL
grogers311 20
Did he change his mind after he saw u choke?
bayy1432 14
This is pure gold. I love old people.
willliamfriend 18
Oh that's nasty!
Ilikepie82479 20
That is hilarious
messedup4ever 16
A perfect example that old men still get horny
shardynfahey 19
Ok that's just weird
foxy_grampa 19
Always bring the banana to your mouth, not your mouth to the banana