Health: Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked... - FML

By Anon - 08/04/2016 22:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 177

You deserved it 1 950

Walk on the wild side

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Modern Family

The Little Sperm That Could

By Anonymous - 24/08/2017 16:00

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 697

You deserved it 885

By appropriatepolice - 16/01/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 794

You deserved it 13 657

By useless bosses - 27/02/2017 08:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, the people who gave me no training or instruction on how to do my job tried to fire me, because asking for clarification apparently means I'm incompetent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 523

You deserved it 396

By pissedchick - 07/08/2019 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 551

By Scared4Lf - 19/08/2016 18:10 - United States - Lamoure

Spicy

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 811

You deserved it 1 510

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 05:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 764

You deserved it 8 375

Due date

By NewMommy29 - 02/07/2021 00:01

Today, my sister refused to come to the hospital with the rest of my family to visit my new baby. Apparently, I’m an "attention hogging slutbag" because I "chose to go into labor" on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 94

Real dream

By kaley - 14/12/2019 03:00

Today, I woke up to find that I had given myself a haircut in my sleep. I have a presentation today and a job interview tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 334

Dogbowl

By NoOrdinaryNZer - 27/07/2015 09:25 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 690

You deserved it 5 466

By backstabbed - 29/10/2011 07:22 - Australia

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 3 086

By SpiderFather - 02/07/2013 08:01 - France

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 970

You deserved it 5 844

By cc10 - 19/10/2009 11:50 - China

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 719

You deserved it 4 140

By Ignitingmylightsaber - 18/10/2009 11:29 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 882

You deserved it 3 530

By very very lonely - 24/09/2016 04:18

Today, I bought a friendship bracelet. I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact that I don't actually have a friend to give the other half to, or that I'm actually wearing one of them so it looks like I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 442

You deserved it 1 699

First impressions

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 23:01

Today, while on a date, I accidentally ordered "diet water" instead of saying "diet coke". FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 252

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/04/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 416

You deserved it 7 778

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 14:29 - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 383

You deserved it 4 204

By college will be fun they said - 15/09/2017 19:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was running late to class and slipped down a staircase. Not only did nobody help me, but when I got up I noticed an old man staring at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 551

You deserved it 406

By Anonymous - 25/02/2012 05:21 - United States

Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 598

You deserved it 4 226

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 09:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 88

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 19:41 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 218

You deserved it 3 943

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 17:02 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 638

You deserved it 1 920

By JessP - 26/02/2009 23:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 505

You deserved it 78 099

By nikto - 03/06/2011 01:01

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 974

You deserved it 3 944

Tunnel vision

By IHaveThePower - 26/10/2021 23:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, after years of being an avid knitter and typing for a living, I got carpal tunnel syndrome… from my wrists flopping around too much while I'm driving. I live half an hour away from the nearest city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 66

By HousemateHorror - 20/11/2017 19:00

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 176

You deserved it 553

By mom - 26/04/2018 15:00

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 577

By Schmolly - 13/10/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I had a mental break down. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was "I think we were better off as friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 5 475

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 209

You deserved it 3 765

By fired - 13/05/2014 14:29 - United States - Millis

Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 634

You deserved it 4 453

By Tanny - 19/04/2017 04:00

Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 606

You deserved it 628

By Ishii - 07/02/2010 18:58 - Canada

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 951

You deserved it 3 250

By too good - 24/10/2014 10:54 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 896

You deserved it 14 461

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 102

You deserved it 8 815

By Anonymous - 09/06/2014 13:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 416

You deserved it 11 345

I smell winter

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 17:02

Today, in my mom’s house, I can stay in one of two rooms: The one that's clean, tidy, quiet and has a comfortable seat… or the one that's warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 96

By poomaster - 22/11/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 5 143

By sy123 - 29/07/2012 23:34 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 373

You deserved it 1 850

By bronzemedal97 - 15/06/2009 11:40 - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 520

You deserved it 3 205

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Saturday 9 April 2016 15:16

That's so good! Congratulations to you. It's hard work- (I've currently lost 42 kilos) but it's worth it in the long run. I wouldn't worry about the comment. Just be proud of what you have achieved so far.

Psycocharger 19

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Saturday 9 April 2016 15:13

That's rude :(. Good for you that you've lost weight so far, good luck with your future weight loss :)

Comments

Psycocharger 19

Send a private message

Saturday 9 April 2016 15:13

That's rude :(. Good for you that you've lost weight so far, good luck with your future weight loss :)

Send a private message

Saturday 9 April 2016 15:16

That's so good! Congratulations to you. It's hard work- (I've currently lost 42 kilos) but it's worth it in the long run. I wouldn't worry about the comment. Just be proud of what you have achieved so far.

Dale_shackleford 13

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Saturday 9 April 2016 16:24

Damn, that's a lot. Good job, very few people have the drive and will to lose that much.

TeacherTeacher 11

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Saturday 9 April 2016 15:26

Congratulations on your weight loss. My condolences on the fact that your father is a dick.

smallandroid 26

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Saturday 9 April 2016 15:32

Congratulations! 15 pounds is a major goal :)

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Saturday 9 April 2016 15:37

He sounds jealous. So, what if you do ? You've already achieved a great amount, there's no stopping you now . I always get snipe remarks from family when I lose weight, or back-handed compliments, people are like that. Don't let it hurt you.

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Saturday 9 April 2016 17:51

he dosent sound jealous. why does everyone say that. its such a cliché response to a negaitive reaction. so no. he sounds like a dick.

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Saturday 9 April 2016 15:38

You have gone past the first step. Rest is easy

DaniealThePope 18

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Saturday 9 April 2016 15:47

One step at a time.

sthompson4447 1

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Saturday 9 April 2016 16:17

Congrats. Keep it up. That is a great accomplishment.

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Saturday 9 April 2016 16:17

Proud of you!! Don't listen to him OP, you are doing awesome!

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Saturday 9 April 2016 16:21

Your dad doesn't sound too great; any self-respecting dad would've said, "well, maybe I can help you try to find it."

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Saturday 9 April 2016 17:52

Totally something my Dad would say. lmao

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 17

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 101