Intimacy: Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting...

14/09/2009 12:58 - United States

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 781

You deserved it 5 344

Intimacy

Commando

Choose your family

TMI FML

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 16:01

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 263

Perks

By Username - 01/06/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 338

You deserved it 31 829

20/05/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 703

You deserved it 5 069

12/03/2016 13:33 - United States - West Grove

Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 874

You deserved it 1 739

Still pining

By Anonymous - 08/11/2020 11:03 - Austria - Innsbruck

Today, I had a meeting in the town where my ex-girlfriend works. After the meeting, I bought some ice cream and sat on a bench in a public place. She came across with her girlfriends laughing and obviously having fun. She only looked in my direction briefly. I threw the ice cream into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 1 063

03/06/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 590

You deserved it 7 690

All over the place

By Gloria Lovestar - 03/10/2019 20:00

Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 107

10/12/2014 14:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 718

You deserved it 2 939

22/07/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 005

You deserved it 5 042

11/10/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 427

You deserved it 6 557

Thanks, I hate it

By Matt L. - 30/07/2020 14:02

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 123

17/01/2010 21:08 - France

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 970

You deserved it 4 759

23/08/2012 14:30 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 153

You deserved it 3 437

11/05/2019 02:00

Today, I noticed a spot on my leg that I wanted a closer look at. I went to put my phone screen towards it for more lighting while my sister was in front of me, looking. I'm pretty sure she saw my nude that I forgot was on the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 2 266

30/12/2009 17:26 - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 871

You deserved it 26 360

21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 635

You deserved it 1 622

25/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 253

You deserved it 3 442

29/01/2012 02:34 - Canada

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 165

You deserved it 9 226

02/07/2014 01:20 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 326

You deserved it 12 101

16/12/2015 08:58 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 146

You deserved it 1 480

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 776

You deserved it 5 254

18/02/2011 07:55

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 495

You deserved it 5 543

18/05/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 968

You deserved it 3 895

02/04/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 142

You deserved it 3 448

26/09/2009 14:15 - Denmark

Today, while at a club, I walked up to a cutie who had been eyeing me all night. I asked him "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?". He simply replied "It's a phone" before walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 024

You deserved it 52 108

17/07/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 119

You deserved it 5 349

27/07/2018 08:00 - United States - Macon

Today, as I was pulling into work at 15 weeks pregnant, I projectile vomit all over myself and my vehicle. I had an emotional breakdown as I went back home, and called my boss to let him know I would not be in that day. I am now looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 973

You deserved it 497

23/07/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 900

You deserved it 3 528

22/07/2012 22:45 - United Kingdom - Blairgowrie

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 578

You deserved it 48 786

02/02/2009 10:39 - United States

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 3 554

Instadrama

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 20:00

Today, after suspecting that my boyfriend was cheating while I was out of town, I came across an Instagram picture of him with another girl. I found out that he told her he was single. When I confronted him in a comment, the girl’s friend replied, "He clearly likes her more than you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 242

You deserved it 516

26/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 000

You deserved it 4 008

15/04/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 574

You deserved it 5 947

02/08/2009 12:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 723

You deserved it 3 590

11/05/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 845

You deserved it 1 392

29/10/2018 17:30

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 926

You deserved it 219

20/10/2010 06:38 - New Zealand

Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 539

You deserved it 13 344

09/07/2016 02:57

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 172

You deserved it 2 735

27/09/2013 19:01 - United States - Frederick

Today, I was cleaning up litter from the street, when a guy asked who I work for. I said nobody and that I was just doing some community service. Before I could clarify that it was voluntary community service, he called me a "piece of shit delinquent", spat on me, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 967

You deserved it 3 313

28/03/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 4 794

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blahblahblksheep 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:46

do you shave yourself with a F*cking straightblade?

chowyuk 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:20

That is the ultimate fear when it comes to trimming

jeepster7874 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:09

dude that sucks

violentturtle 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 21:42

Fake.

V4ZQU3Z 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 1:47

you must have a disorder when you sneeze and pelvis thrust to cut your self down there

farsidee 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 5:39

ahahahahahahahah wow what an idiot^

chowyuk 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:20

That is the ultimate fear when it comes to trimming

ZleveL 0

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Sunday 27 June 2010 9:32

atleast it's not a guy *phew* cuz if it were his balls  even I'D be crying

Turfin 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:40

hard to imagine similar to BME PAIN OLYMPICS?

WTF_WantToFly 0

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Saturday 24 July 2010 4:44

What was she shaving with a Swiss army knife?

PimpinPenguin 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:22

First! Wouldnt you kind of know it was about to happen beforehand?

arienh4 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:23

First to fail. Woohoo.

ilyrwr 0

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:30

lawl^

asnider 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:39

Damn, that's rough. But, wouldn't you have felt the sneeze coming ahead of time and move the razor away from your crotch?

blahblahblksheep 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 20:46

do you shave yourself with a F*cking straightblade?

blinkingstarlet 15

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Tuesday 15 September 2009 10:12

haha good call

ilovefatcats 12

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Tuesday 30 March 2010 7:14

#6 ya i no right?

jessicawuvsya 0

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 16:21

Turn it side ways dumb ass

DeMoCraCy 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 21:03

Guess he learn't it the hard way.

garble0218 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 7:46

learned**

MJHood 3

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Friday 3 June 2011 7:13

she*

karalayo 4

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Thursday 12 July 2012 21:11

****SHE****

sch1ll 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 21:47

OUCH!!!! hahah fyl!

PimpinPenguin 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 22:49

Wow it definetly showed me as first comment before That sucks you cant yave sex for a while now :(

xXxFML 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 22:56

that sucks

Dopeyrox 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 23:00

Ouch that seems really embarresing fyl indeed

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 36

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 487

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

Perks

Still pining

All over the place

Thanks, I hate it

My body hates me

Instadrama

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