Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced...

By Anonymous - 22/3/2013 19:15 - Italy - Catanzaro

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37681

You deserved it

7654

Favorite

Health

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

You snooze, you lose

Night terrors

By rollergirl13 - 11/1/2014 05:55 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51066

You deserved it

5665

Favorite

By sweetlilthing - 31/5/2020 17:00

Understandable

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

I agree, your life sucks

1370

You deserved it

576

Favorite

By aabadaba - 1/4/2013 05:23 - United States - La Mirada

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42324

You deserved it

4599

Favorite

By Husband - 13/3/2017 18:00

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5295

You deserved it

857

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 14:00 - Belgium

Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42044

You deserved it

4147

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33395

You deserved it

7698

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/1/2013 10:34 - United States - Sanford

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46095

You deserved it

6975

Favorite

By BakedBat - 21/2/2014 04:10 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54833

You deserved it

4420

Favorite

By lostforlife - 13/7/2012 00:52 - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32705

You deserved it

6863

Favorite

By Azcrazy - 3/8/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50362

You deserved it

3988

Favorite

By vanity113 - 13/6/2013 04:04 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44538

You deserved it

9455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/7/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1163

You deserved it

1909

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/9/2015 20:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23877

You deserved it

3624

Favorite

By Confused - 23/10/2016 05:05

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9431

You deserved it

613

Favorite

By jesuschrist - 22/3/2020 00:30

They'll go at night

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

411

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/6/2014 15:45 - Australia

Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59563

You deserved it

8316

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44414

You deserved it

8151

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/2/2014 19:49 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Kingshill

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53101

You deserved it

19208

Favorite

By madbabynoel - 25/3/2016 15:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22082

You deserved it

1580

Favorite

By Dumbweed - 28/8/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15215

You deserved it

67533

Favorite

By OhGeez - 8/6/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91746

You deserved it

22621

Favorite

By pimdala_major - 30/10/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11540

You deserved it

39661

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/4/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58648

You deserved it

13126

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 16:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30812

You deserved it

54730

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 06:00 - United States - San Diego

Happy Halloween?

Today, I saw photos of my roommate a recent party. OK, I'll admit I'm a little dark-skinned, but was it really necessary for him to color his face in black marker so he could go as "me" for a Halloween party? FML

I agree, your life sucks

2123

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33995

You deserved it

5686

Favorite

By got any coupons? - 23/12/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38823

You deserved it

3384

Favorite

By OverWorked1 - 20/1/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

I agree, your life sucks

10298

You deserved it

24140

Favorite

By motherless - 30/1/2013 03:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30602

You deserved it

2794

Favorite

By - 7/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2801

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By not a kiddy fiddler really - 29/5/2015 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17042

You deserved it

26396

Favorite

By burnt - 13/8/2012 04:43 - Australia - Middle Swan

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25019

You deserved it

3256

Favorite

By - 16/1/2019 20:00

Today, I got trapped in the airport lift for half an hour with my family while heading to departure. We ended up missing our flight. 3000 Malaysian bucks were spent on that flight. No one wants to compensate our loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2654

You deserved it

163

Favorite

By thanksbro - 20/9/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29778

You deserved it

3007

Favorite

By kraziikayce - 26/12/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31693

You deserved it

3748

Favorite

By youcould'vejusttoldme - 11/5/2017 21:00 - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3247

You deserved it

442

Favorite

By Disgruntled ADP - 26/10/2018 08:30 - United States - Dallas

Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2234

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/2/2010 01:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8668

You deserved it

34601

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 02:00

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

734

You deserved it

2134

Favorite

By titou - 5/1/2009 03:33 - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9678

You deserved it

32441

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By anon80214 | 15

#5416352 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:08

Just reading that made me cringe. FYL, op.

By madisonnnnn13 | 11

#5416375 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:13

Because one period at a time just isn't enough.

COMMENTS

By plaguer | 26

#5416351 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:08

A wet rag and bag of ice sounds like your new best friend.

heythere131630 | 9

#5416818 - Saturday 23 March 2013 8:33

Actually your best friend from now on should be some good old fashion hair removal cream and or wax. You don't want any more damaged goods.

SuperDanielNL | 23

#5416832 - Saturday 23 March 2013 8:53

Don't take any asparin or drink alcohol, that thins your blood and the bleeding takes even longer to stop. Learned that trick in a John Irving novel.

DefiningDivine | 13

#5416843 - Saturday 23 March 2013 9:14

Just keep those legs open.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

vampire1618 | 5

#5417158 - Saturday 23 March 2013 16:21

Though not all can tolerate wax and accidentally get hair removal cream on a too sensitive spot of skin, even a tiny drop, you get a chemical burn and it would still hurt to close your legs.

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5417612 - Saturday 23 March 2013 22:15

1, I read bag of rice instead of ice, I was like "what the hell would rice do!?" lol

By anon80214 | 15

#5416352 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:08

Just reading that made me cringe. FYL, op.

By courtney680 | 17

#5416370 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:12

It's happened to me before too..

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5416397 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:24

Same here... sort of.

courtney680 | 17

#5416405 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:35

Creep ass..

expertsmilee | 26

#5416468 - Saturday 23 March 2013 4:12

Now now, lets not judge each other 15 lest your BEAUTIFUL self be judged in turn...

Neyuu | 18

#5416903 - Saturday 23 March 2013 12:03

Those double standards.

Mossears133 | 15

#5417044 - Saturday 23 March 2013 14:32

15- something tells me you're a little new here -.-

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5417119 - Saturday 23 March 2013 15:44

Perhaps I should clarify... men do that sort of grooming too. Some of nature's 'forests' need to be cut down. :-)

ThePrestige | 12

#5456371 - Friday 19 April 2013 21:41

suddenly,I dont like you.

By madisonnnnn13 | 11

#5416375 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:13

Because one period at a time just isn't enough.

By TwinChapter | 15

#5416382 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:15

I just died on the inside reading that. Hope you get better soon OP!

By ironik69 | 31

#5416383 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:15

They make a "no bleed" stick. Its on the same aisle as the razors....for people who just aren't careful enough sometimes.

Overcome6788 | 3

#5416461 - Saturday 23 March 2013 4:06

Try some vaseline instead.

Keevarou | 16

#5416583 - Saturday 23 March 2013 5:52

Or hot candle wax or treesap?

By zandalee | 19

#5416384 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:15

Bloody hell!

peanutfoo | 19

#5416531 - Saturday 23 March 2013 4:55

Haha I see what you did there ;)

lexi365 | 20

#5418422 - Sunday 24 March 2013 13:45

Thanks Captain Obvious....

WinMan | 7

#5420910 - Tuesday 26 March 2013 2:48

The fact she was shaving probaby indicates her legs werent going to be closed anyway. I guess she lucked out but yah that sucks.

By Hamz1989 | 13

#5416385 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:15

Ouch you should probably call and tell your mom about it to get some help.

jessie1 | 9

#5416513 - Saturday 23 March 2013 4:36

Or maybe OP isn't 14 and can take care of herself...

Bubbelz | 24

#5416727 - Saturday 23 March 2013 7:05

And yet she's bleeding between her legs. Unnaturally.

By Gaga_is_God6969 | 13

#5416389 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:20

How did you manage to cut yourself THREE times?! Were you shaving with a machete? FYL.

SunAndMoon427 | 12

#5416408 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:39

Three blade razor maybe? If it slipped horizontally, that could easily happen. Painful as hell still either way.

dchiam | 11

#5416785 - Saturday 23 March 2013 7:44

Oh man, reading that made me cringe.

mansen | 15

#5416792 - Saturday 23 March 2013 7:48

that 5 blade razor...one little slip with that thing and oh god...weirdest looking cut (s) ever or suddenly a chunk of you is missing that you are now screaming over.

By SomeRandomGuy15 | 18

#5416396 - Saturday 23 March 2013 3:24

I'm a guy, but I still covered my crotch after reading that... I hope it heals soon, OP!