By FML Approved - United States - New York Too Much Sugar Sometimes all you can do is sit back and let them get it out of their systems. 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jessica - United States Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML I agree, your life sucks 39198 You deserved it 7431 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML I agree, your life sucks 32416 You deserved it 4317 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Broderick - United States Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML I agree, your life sucks 29978 You deserved it 6932 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TordNorski - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes in to training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML I agree, your life sucks 23712 You deserved it 1402 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By indian:( - United States Today, I realized that I hate lying to my mom about having a boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 8968 You deserved it 32985 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Quackers - United States - Denver Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML I agree, your life sucks 9482 You deserved it 37165 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous1221 Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML I agree, your life sucks 12048 You deserved it 1432 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 23:01 Cool moves Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until the pitcher was done. I felt like I was drowning the whole time, and my partner knew from the choking sounds. FML I agree, your life sucks 67 You deserved it 346 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By romainmain - France - Charleville-m?zi?res Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML I agree, your life sucks 12905 You deserved it 26470 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CouldBeALoser - United States - West Tehama County Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML I agree, your life sucks 12838 You deserved it 1062 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 13353 You deserved it 37733 245 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PissNTra - United States Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML I agree, your life sucks 42806 You deserved it 5244 230 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bitchjackedmyball - United States - Kihei Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML I agree, your life sucks 34416 You deserved it 5524 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotBridezilla - United States - Klamath Falls Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML I agree, your life sucks 9764 You deserved it 786 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By (L) - United States - Athens Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML I agree, your life sucks 2732 You deserved it 3640 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nicole - United States Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML I agree, your life sucks 9315 You deserved it 78277 242 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my 6'8" Russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML I agree, your life sucks 2998 You deserved it 217 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RIPLife - Switzerland - Carouge Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 23580 You deserved it 1529 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, at the rehearsal for my wedding, my mother told my bride's mother to fuck off. FML I agree, your life sucks 81261 You deserved it 4180 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Msrebound Today, even my 11-year-old noticed how much my boyfriend constantly reminisces about his ex-girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 4795 You deserved it 584 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 28415 You deserved it 4157 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Eric - United States Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 13270 You deserved it 24510 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WalkTheOtherWay - Canada - Toronto Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML I agree, your life sucks 30580 You deserved it 7533 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cjbutterfly96 - United States Today, I was hanging out with a guy for the second time, and he was helping me buy a Christmas present for my dad. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, he was gone. He left me alone and took my dad's present with him. FML I agree, your life sucks 23354 You deserved it 2252 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML I agree, your life sucks 35189 You deserved it 3125 220 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jay ze punk - France - Metz-tessy Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 37613 You deserved it 5185 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Acneface - France Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML I agree, your life sucks 47076 You deserved it 5786 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ladyofzanarkand He doesn't even go here! Today, I had my high school piano recital. The entire time I was playing, one of my classmates sitting up front kept booing me and yelling "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. He drowned out the entire song. FML I agree, your life sucks 3976 You deserved it 224 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lizzie - United Kingdom - Birmingham Dad jokes, part #23555 Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner for the first time. As a joke, my dad answered the door wearing the white church robes that he wears when he is lay-reading during a church service, and said, "Welcome, child of God." FML I agree, your life sucks 1459 You deserved it 248 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sonofaquiche Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML I agree, your life sucks 4899 You deserved it 435 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RupeeLink - United Kingdom Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML I agree, your life sucks 62600 You deserved it 7974 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - New Baltimore Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML I agree, your life sucks 33949 You deserved it 2751 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Nigeria - Lagos Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 47219 You deserved it 3278 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TomorrowMaybe - Denmark - Frederiksberg Today, I got my new smartwatch that I ordered for myself on the promise that I would use it for tracking my new exercise routine. Instead, I used it for playing Pong whilst eating cake and drinking wine. FML I agree, your life sucks 7722 You deserved it 8136 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lyla - United States Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 24278 You deserved it 5207 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 11:31 Unrequited lover Today, I had to give advice to my best friend and love of my life. What kind of advice? What to wear while on a date with some guy. We're roommates, and she wouldn't stop telling me about everything when she got home. This happens on a regular basis. FML I agree, your life sucks 406 You deserved it 842 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Reggie Today, my mom won the lottery. My biological mom who I only met last year, after 33 years of not knowing who she was. She is sharing her millions with her kids, but that doesn't include me as I "don't count". FML I agree, your life sucks 4758 You deserved it 602 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Potato_Lord - United States - Madison Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML I agree, your life sucks 22674 You deserved it 1450 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon. Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML I agree, your life sucks 38250 You deserved it 2465 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jonhapimp - United States Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML I agree, your life sucks 31880 You deserved it 2453 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gobiteme2 | 34 #7555318 - Saturday 21 October 2017 22:28 when she/he stopped at the top of the stairs, she/he could have stuck a paw out and tripped his ass for running in the house. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By gobiteme2 | 34 #7555318 - Saturday 21 October 2017 22:28 when she/he stopped at the top of the stairs, she/he could have stuck a paw out and tripped his ass for running in the house. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 17 You deserved it 140 3 Comments
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until... I agree, your life sucks 67 You deserved it 344 6 Comments