Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I...

By Upside-Down Sleeper. - United States - Pasadena

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Innocent

Does it taste good?

By AngrySon - United States

Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML

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By Murphy

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bisbee

Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML

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By therapygal

Today, my girlfriend got very mad at me after finding several appointments with "Amanda" in my calendar. Amanda is my psychiatrist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

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By ButImBeautiful - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, a little girl came up to me and told me I looked like a foot. Thanks a bunch, darling. FML

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By coveholli - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML

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By Ammile

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

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By oopsididitagain - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

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By Lexxiluvstwat

Today, I was written up at work and sent home 20 minutes into my shift. My boss thought I was under the influence of something, but it’s really just the first time I’ve come to work with no makeup on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, Burger King gave me a moldy bun. I noticed 1/5 of the way through the sandwich. My compensation for ingesting mold? A coupon for half-off a Whopper. FML

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By only 10 more hours to go - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

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By nocakeforyou!

Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

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33662

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By hospital - United States

Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML

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40963

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By BEE - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

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By tacoboy - United States

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

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By me - United States - Floresville

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

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By shawty_x - United Kingdom

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

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By shirley - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

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By mandythepandy

Noise annoys

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

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5438

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By so scared - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sooke

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

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By moe - United States

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

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29634

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

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By foolmetwice

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

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By Whosthegroom - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

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45035

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By tried to help

Stranger Danger!

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

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By left out wet

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

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By broke bitch - United States - Hampton

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

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By dangeronpa

Today, I broke my glasses. My eyesight is horrible, I can’t see things that aren’t super close to my face. I'm supposed to drive to another state tomorrow. FML

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1585

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

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13887

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By sandwhiched - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

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By fuck - Netherlands

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

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By ThePidgeon - United Kingdom

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

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Top comments

By EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6280599 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:07

FYL to whoever had to clean up

By feven | 32

#6280594 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

That sounds terrifying

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#6280587 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:02

It was the clown in the ride wasn't it? They exist only to terrorize innocents.

Zelphoric | 25

#6280683 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:19

Quit clowning around Welshite, obviously it was the prices of carnival food that horrified OP

casey_ct | 10

#6280691 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:28

Clowning around X,D IM DONE

lil_ham1644 | 29

#6280769 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:59

Not soon enough

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6281104 - Monday 4 May 2015 5:31

OP must have hawkeyes to see the prices from all the way up the roller coaster.

By Benmantha | 31

#6280593 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:03

The owner must be really pissed off by how boring his ride is, for people to fall asleep on it.

IvyRizzzzoli | 25

#6280629 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:28

She pissed herself because of how scary it was to wake up to that, she fell asleep because of the lack of sleep

deathgrips | 16

#6280633 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:29

I think OP fell asleep either before the ride was about to start or during the slow incline many scary rides have

doodlecloud | 26

#6281285 - Monday 4 May 2015 11:48

I think she was probably more scared of waking up upside down than the actual content of the rise...was probably still scary though.

By feven | 32

#6280594 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

That sounds terrifying

By markotut | 10

#6280595 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

That must be imbarising. Feel bad for you op

Secret_Ninjaa | 35

#6280609 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:12

*Embarrassing
Sorry, I had to.

AWildNoeAppeared | 11

#6280706 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:58

You definitely had to for this mistake

R2Y2 | 22

#6280747 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:07

Yeah, you definitely weren't being nitpicky here. I'm hoping English is your secondary language, friend.

By MrsHaxxo | 22

#6280596 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

I am torn between feeling sorry for you and laughing my ass off x3

starile | 19

#6280682 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:17

Ah, the feeling we all get by reading FML.

onlychildFTW | 33

#6281078 - Monday 4 May 2015 5:07

Why not both? Haha

By lyricalservant | 21

#6280597 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:05

you pissed on yrself? You did say you were upside down.

By PinkiePiePony | 19

#6280598 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:05

Don't worry, this will be a perfect way to train to be a bat.

Anyways people get spooked on rides all the time. You're not alone. :)

By EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6280599 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:07

FYL to whoever had to clean up

xKrisSmoove | 21

#6280722 - Sunday 3 May 2015 21:16

Another FML to OP, gotta clean up the piss off their pants

interesting33 | 36

#6280749 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:08

And anyone underneath OP!

By whitetiger13131 | 26

#6280606 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:11

Wait...if you were upside down when you peed yourself....

By melisssa87 | 30

#6280610 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:12

At least it was the scariest ride and not the tea cups.

whitetiger13131 | 26

#6280789 - Monday 4 May 2015 0:03

I'm sorry, but I don't understand your comment. Please elaborate.

doodlecloud | 26

#6281286 - Monday 4 May 2015 11:50

As in, at least they fell asleep, shock woke up and pissed themselves on the scariest ride, rather than the tea cups, because it would be extra embarrassing to piss yourself on a kiddie ride. How does that not make sense lol?

vampemu | 16

#6281482 - Monday 4 May 2015 17:52

It wouldn't make sense if you didn't know what the teacups are!

doodlecloud | 26

#6281639 - Monday 4 May 2015 22:13

Fair enough, never really thought about that...they do have tea cup rides in Canada though don't they?