Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I...

By Upside-Down Sleeper. - 2/5/2015 21:59 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

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By crossfitter - 21/5/2015 12:22

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

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By TheBeastSwaq - 31/12/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2013 04:37 - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

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By wasteoftime - 7/6/2017 20:00

Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML

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By nerderer - 15/3/2015 14:57 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

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By Bex - 15/3/2016 07:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

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By stupid - 21/12/2010 15:21 - Ireland

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

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By FreeToFly3733 - 19/8/2010 11:25 - Canada

Today, I finally found my cellphone when I heard WHACKWHACKWHACK inside the washing machine. FML

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By Chubsley - 21/2/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

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By FriendlessLoser - 17/8/2016 07:11 - United States - Bristow

Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML

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By Deadendjob - 22/5/2017 02:00

Today, my dad refused to sign a student finance form to allow me to study my dream subject at university because he doesn't want the government knowing his business. FML

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By CRC - 23/11/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

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By fugly - 6/6/2015 00:44 - United States - Landenberg

Today, as I was putting stuff into the back of my car, a man walked by and said I looked "super fine." When I looked up to look him in the face, he immediately looked disgusted and basically ran away. Apparently, my face does that. FML

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By it_IS_just_me - 17/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

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By adeeri - 4/9/2014 01:24 - United States - Jackson

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2016 08:37 - Australia - Wilston

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2015 20:28 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

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By jessica238 - 8/4/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

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By Unlucky - 9/10/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

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By I guess not - 2/8/2016 13:24

Today, my boyfriend of three years asked me if I ever wanted to get married. I said yes. He said, 'But what happens if you never find a guy who likes you that much?' FML

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By Frouse - 28/9/2018 22:02

Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2014 02:25 - United States

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

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By Lokimagnus - 25/3/2020 23:05

Rookie mistake

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

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By mylifeissad - 30/12/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

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By GreenShelves - 9/4/2016 04:31 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

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By breathexali - 24/7/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

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By Uhohwemadeamistake - 29/9/2017 16:00

Today, my new neighbor broke into our new house because his key didn't work. We just closed on the house this week and changed the locks when foot prints were found in the bathtub after the cleaning crew went through. FML

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By sheridan.ashley - 15/5/2010 06:27 - Australia

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML

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By Cathy - 14/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, my husband was choosing an auto insurance. Geico was $500 and Allstate was $200. He chose Geico because it had a 'cute little lizard.' FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 01:34 - United States

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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By peoplesuck - 14/5/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

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By Johntheladdo - 29/3/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Well?

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

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By elipses - 22/8/2009 04:43 - Canada

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

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By babysitter - 6/1/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 06:02 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, my legs were really sore from working out yesterday, so it hurt going down the stairs at work. To avoid the pain, l ignored how stupid I looked and limped down the staircase. When I finally got to the bottom, I hopped off the last step. And twisted my ankle. FML

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By minecraftwilldie - 2/6/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

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Top comments

By EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6280599 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:07

FYL to whoever had to clean up

By feven | 32

#6280594 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

That sounds terrifying

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#6280587 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:02

It was the clown in the ride wasn't it? They exist only to terrorize innocents.

Zelphoric | 25

#6280683 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:19

Quit clowning around Welshite, obviously it was the prices of carnival food that horrified OP

casey_ct | 10

#6280691 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:28

Clowning around X,D IM DONE

lil_ham1644 | 29

#6280769 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:59

Not soon enough

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6281104 - Monday 4 May 2015 5:31

OP must have hawkeyes to see the prices from all the way up the roller coaster.

By Benmantha | 31

#6280593 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:03

The owner must be really pissed off by how boring his ride is, for people to fall asleep on it.

IvyRizzzzoli | 25

#6280629 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:28

She pissed herself because of how scary it was to wake up to that, she fell asleep because of the lack of sleep

deathgrips | 16

#6280633 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:29

I think OP fell asleep either before the ride was about to start or during the slow incline many scary rides have

doodlecloud | 26

#6281285 - Monday 4 May 2015 11:48

I think she was probably more scared of waking up upside down than the actual content of the rise...was probably still scary though.

By feven | 32

#6280594 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

That sounds terrifying

By markotut | 10

#6280595 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

That must be imbarising. Feel bad for you op

Secret_Ninjaa | 35

#6280609 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:12

*Embarrassing
Sorry, I had to.

AWildNoeAppeared | 11

#6280706 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:58

You definitely had to for this mistake

R2Y2 | 22

#6280747 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:07

Yeah, you definitely weren't being nitpicky here. I'm hoping English is your secondary language, friend.

By MrsHaxxo | 22

#6280596 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:04

I am torn between feeling sorry for you and laughing my ass off x3

starile | 19

#6280682 - Sunday 3 May 2015 20:17

Ah, the feeling we all get by reading FML.

onlychildFTW | 33

#6281078 - Monday 4 May 2015 5:07

Why not both? Haha

By lyricalservant | 21

#6280597 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:05

you pissed on yrself? You did say you were upside down.

By PinkiePiePony | 19

#6280598 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:05

Don't worry, this will be a perfect way to train to be a bat.

Anyways people get spooked on rides all the time. You're not alone. :)

By EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6280599 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:07

FYL to whoever had to clean up

xKrisSmoove | 21

#6280722 - Sunday 3 May 2015 21:16

Another FML to OP, gotta clean up the piss off their pants

interesting33 | 36

#6280749 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:08

And anyone underneath OP!

By whitetiger13131 | 26

#6280606 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:11

Wait...if you were upside down when you peed yourself....

By melisssa87 | 30

#6280610 - Sunday 3 May 2015 19:12

At least it was the scariest ride and not the tea cups.

whitetiger13131 | 26

#6280789 - Monday 4 May 2015 0:03

I'm sorry, but I don't understand your comment. Please elaborate.

doodlecloud | 26

#6281286 - Monday 4 May 2015 11:50

As in, at least they fell asleep, shock woke up and pissed themselves on the scariest ride, rather than the tea cups, because it would be extra embarrassing to piss yourself on a kiddie ride. How does that not make sense lol?

vampemu | 16

#6281482 - Monday 4 May 2015 17:52

It wouldn't make sense if you didn't know what the teacups are!

doodlecloud | 26

#6281639 - Monday 4 May 2015 22:13

Fair enough, never really thought about that...they do have tea cup rides in Canada though don't they?