By Username - 17/05/2012 14:37 - Australia
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Welcome to FML, P374RD3D. You're gonna need The Grammar Book, Dictionary, Thesaurus and, probably, an Encyclopedia on hand; you've entered the land of genius smart-asses, and vice versa. Change your name or you will be brutality slaughtered by the Grammar Nazis. Seriously. Also, on an aside, my phone suggested Nabisco in place of Nazis. Even my phone doesn't want to bring up WW2. Nope, let's talk cookies and crackers! Go ahead and thumb me down.
#112- That is terrible advice. Sometimes you just need a good cry. It doesn't make you weak nor does it mean you're having a pity party. It relieves stress. Also, focus on your triumphs and not your failures. Everybody has their shortcomings, but you can use your strengths to compensate or learn to overcome. Don't focus so much on the negative. End of rant.
Purposely crying is a bit weird, but I find when major things happen that make me stressed sometimes I cry, like when I don't make a team I really wanted to make or do bad on a test. Point is if your going to cry about something don't do it forever and don't mope about it forever just do what you need to do to make things better, you dont get anywhere crying but sometimes for a short time you just have to let it out,
Just for clarification, I never said it was weak for a man to cry. I've told women to "man up" before. It simply means to stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up, and conquer your obstacles, because no one else is going to do it for you. Nothing boosts self-confidence like overcoming your insecurities on your own. I speak from personal experience.
63, I have seen the effects of Vasilisa's suggestion, however personal, reproduced on a significant enough number of people for me to say that it seems to apply to a large number of people. I have also seen the other extreme, which works out significantly worse. I would say that a balance isn't quite the answer here - in my opinion, it should be a little closer to "manning up". It's ok to feel sorry for yourself occasionally and cry about it, but overdo it by just a tiny amount and you're shooting yourself in the foot rather badly. On an aside, experience is the best teacher. And if you're giving someone advice and can empathise, rather than just sympathise, with them it trends to be a lot more effective in the long run. WHICH is why I have a problem with a lot of therapists.
Reddudeover, why are you so hostile? You wouldn't happen to be OP by chance, would you? Because you're acting a little too defensive for it to not raise my suspicions. Of course my experiences are personal. Brilliant deduction. Hence why I'm offering my suggestions, which worked for me. It's obvious that OP's methods aren't working to his advantage. Stop trying to pick a fight with everyone here, it's growing tiresome.
Tell that to the parents of a teen who was bullied and didn't just "man up", but instead killed themselves. Or the one that did and was subsequently harmed. I'm not saying the answer is simple (I don't think you're saying that either), it's very nuanced. But crying and feeling sad about the situation you're in isn't diametrically opposed to trying to get out of it. That might just be your way of coping.
Well I can't do that, can I? They're dead. If you care to read this, this is what I mean by 'manning up' : I myself was cruelly bullied for a great portion of my life, for every reason imaginable. I was a foreigner living in a very xenophobic town, and had a hard time communicating. I was also living in a violent and abusive home for my entire life. No one to go to. My friends treated me cruelly, my teachers didn't give a shit, and I could go on and on with my sob story, but I'll get to the relevant point. No amount of crying or wallowing in my own misery ever helped me. It brought me down further than I could even imagine. I still battle endless bullshit in my adult life. Being anti-social in a very people-heavy area, being mistreated by my bosses at a dead-end job, medical ailments I can't afford to have treated. And you know what I do? If I must have a good cry, it is short and controlled. I let out the stress, but I don't beat myself up. Afterwards I pick myself the fuck up, release my physical energy into a session of Yoga, meditate, and get on with my day with a clear mind. My point is that crying does release stress, but if you're going to kick yourself when you're down, 'man up' and try to pull yourself out of that hole. There is no instant long-term solution. And I do not feel pity for suiciders either. After all my personal failed attempts, I feel stupid for getting to that point, yet proud that I 'manned up' and forced my logical side to control the emotional one. Sorry for this obscenely fucking long autobiography, but I know what I'm talking about. Manning up is not getting drunk and punching out some yutz at a bar. It's collecting yourself, and knowing that no one has true control over your life but you.
Longest post I've ever seen and all this has been futile because we agree in the first place. I don't think someone should stay down, that's why they're crying, crying doesn't have to be a completely depressing sad thing. Tears of joy, "crying" from laughter, crying and getting all of the pain out so they can turn around and "man up". I've always felt renewed on the rare occasions where I do cry and just get all that's eating me up out. I've even laughed afterward both at me crying and my problems it's hard to explain it feels like I'm physically getting all of the pain out and pressing reset.
The only way to get to the long term cure is with the aid of several short term cures. The point of Yoga and meditation is to clear your mind, so you don't think about killing people. With your mind free of negative thoughts, you build up your tolerance to negative outside stimuli. Thus the path to your goals opens up, and the obstacles seem far less threatening and easier to conquer.
Crying isn't your thing obviously. Try working out :)
Or sleeping. I fucking love sleeping