Miscellaneous: Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The...

By ajodasdojsad - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

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31907

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Miscellaneous

Commando

Great guy

Wait, what?

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Joe Bidet

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

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841

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303

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By cass - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

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12553

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By Anonymous

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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29067

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By nima - 23/2/2021 02:01

Death wish

Today, my parents went on vacation and told me that it is "absolutely imperative" that I do the dishes while they are gone. Instead, the sink decided to break and nothing will fix it, so I'm currently writing out my will. FML

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786

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By workworkwork

Today, my boss asked me to pick up more waitressing shifts because we are short-staffed. I already work seven days a week. FML

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3658

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232

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By cashier - United States

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

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50482

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By Anon - Canada

Selfish

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

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41863

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By barista - United States

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

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29863

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By Riskreh - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

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41170

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By TowelSmellsNice - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

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9532

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By sexyconvo - United States

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

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23376

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By RheaDitto

Today, after sending and receiving hundreds of hints, I mustered up the courage to ask my best friend out. He completely ignored my words, and went on to tell me all about his mother's intestinal bug. FML

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1731

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By Wet Britches - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

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8600

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By dramaqueen15

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

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By sleepless - United States

Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year old man with a cold. FML

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26659

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By pukeytimes - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

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28765

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2235

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By t

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

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31676

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By myheadhurts - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

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42041

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3116

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By 504-A1 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

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35278

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By ewww - United States - Seattle

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

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28847

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2516

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By "Brittney Anderson"

Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

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2062

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120

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By Thatkid - Singapore

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

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18665

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Diaspora

Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML

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754

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169

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By cheesy grin

Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

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3914

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206

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By imfullthanks - Norway

Hygienic

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML

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88548

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML

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By Mumbling Mutt101 - Australia

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

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By darthmilfious - France

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

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13620

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By Noguestlist

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

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32430

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By patient_mom - Australia - Surrey Hills

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

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26970

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By Cowgirl_Up37 - United States

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

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12795

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By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1865

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208

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By sydsophnova - United States

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

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45021

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By badwaitress - United Kingdom

Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying to clear the tables as quickly as possible and decided to place a half bowl of soup on top of the pile of plates I was carrying. As I was hurrying back to the kitchen I tripped and spilt the soup all over the bride's ivory dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52814

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27155

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By Anonymous - Canada

The cliché is true

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

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6553

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By _akwardsituation - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9188

You deserved it

33122

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I finally found out why my graphics card in my PC had been overheating recently. My brother disconnected the card's fan because it was too loud when he was gaming. I guess I can always spend another $750. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23078

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1839

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By he's still not convinced - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

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47176

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3521

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By who wants spaghetti - United States - Oconomowoc

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

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22789

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1539

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By Kim - 17/7/2020 23:01

To the window, to the wall

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

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1470

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Top comments

By brookenicolee29 | 27

#6239471 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

By rocketgurl | 15

#6239470 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

COMMENTS

By rocketgurl | 15

#6239470 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

Wutdafuqq | 24

#6239535 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:44

Honestly, this isn't even an FML. Unless her parents are diehard catholics, it isn't even a big deal.

zanoty | 17

#6239564 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:08

Are you just constantly on Fml? The last 3 fmls you were first second first haha

tiredteenager | 16

#6239581 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:35

#22, is there anything wrong with that? This app is pretty awesome.

ekim300 | 26

#6239614 - Sunday 22 March 2015 2:48

Actually, it was her family. Not that it makes it any less awkward.. I just hope they were open minded.

ThatHorse | 15

#6239758 - Sunday 22 March 2015 7:06

I guess he didn't quite finger that answer out fast enough...

By brookenicolee29 | 27

#6239471 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

boredSOLDIER | 33

#6239519 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:18

Playing the guitar?

j_cat187 | 19

#6239646 - Sunday 22 March 2015 3:45

playing her banjo!

jigglypuff34 | 16

#6239728 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:01

If she has a banjo, you have bigger problems.

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6240727 - Monday 23 March 2015 5:26

Banjos are awesome.

By Livin_Like_Larry | 29

#6239472 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Are you trying to send him a subtle message?

A07 | 48

#6239750 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:51

Do you not know what 'charades' are?

RiceCrispies | 7

#6240157 - Sunday 22 March 2015 18:24

Do you not know what sarcasm is?

By EarlFug | 19

#6239473 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

G-spot!!

Driving_Gaming | 22

#6240107 - Sunday 22 March 2015 17:08

EarlFug | 19

#6240586 - Monday 23 March 2015 2:17

Uh oh, I made a joke that wasn't a bad pun. Don't worry, I'll flog myself.

By Specialbus | 5

#6239474 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

The maturity is strong in this one.

By Llama_Man2000 | 26

#6239478 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

You must have some very 'interesting' times in the bedroom.

kerstileann | 26

#6239542 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:49

fingering is considered "interesting"??

mellajella | 14

#6239588 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

19 - he's 14, I'm sure everything is interesting to him.

tiredteenager | 16

#6239590 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

Is drinking water "interesting" to you too?

MrConcise | 34

#6239695 - Sunday 22 March 2015 5:04

#28 - Depends what you lace it with.

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6239744 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:39

HA! Since when is fingering interesting? LoL!

How to finger a girl 101: USE YOUR TONGUE.

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6239748 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:47

FML, he is 14.

limabeans101029 | 20

#6239914 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:53

47- One word for you: G-spot.

By nmw404 | 6

#6239481 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

I'm sure they can understand the confusion. More importantly... Did yall win?

By cfojo | 19

#6239483 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

Clearly your boyfriend has no filter. Perhaps bringing him to family gatherings isn't the best idea..

By Welshite | 39

#6239487 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

"No no no. That comes /after/."

By ColonelCusswords | 24

#6239489 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

you shoulda established the "nothing dirty while you meet my family" rules