Miscellaneous: Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The...

By ajodasdojsad - 21/03/2015 15:12 - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 928

You deserved it 3 884

Miscellaneous

Late term

Taking stock

Sorry…

By ehcanadianeh - 13/12/2015 20:04 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 676

You deserved it 12 013

By bugnose - 16/05/2011 06:26

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 875

You deserved it 9 089

By nullpointer - 03/08/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 731

You deserved it 1 947

Disappearing act

By BrokeAfnow - 02/05/2021 02:01

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 1 156

By toughlove - 09/11/2009 01:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 930

You deserved it 2 616

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 818

You deserved it 1 792

By Damian - 22/04/2011 11:11

Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 814

You deserved it 6 635

By Maruska28 - 07/09/2017 20:00

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 884

You deserved it 399

Stressed out

By mystermoon - 25/06/2019 16:00

Today, at my job in a pet store, my boss had me pull all the bags of food out and restock them so that they sat pretty. Five minutes later, the store is full of people. My manager screamed, "They're touching things!" and locked himself in the office with a cup of tea. He has the only open register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 15:00

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 653

You deserved it 179

By donguigeek - 24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 347

You deserved it 1 949

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 04:00

Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 1 545

By Radbaby - 12/10/2018 03:00

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 153

By amburrr - 03/08/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 806

You deserved it 2 645

By airborne - 06/05/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 111

You deserved it 17 569

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 073

You deserved it 2 620

By nancypants1124 - 13/06/2015 02:06 - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 654

You deserved it 12 400

Where's the beef?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 14:03

Today, I was supposed to be let the bull out of the trailer and head straight home. Someone didn't latch the gate, so it just walked through between pastures. The bull and a cow went through, a horse broke into the cow lot, and another horse had a meltdown and wiped out in mud after trying to jump the fence. I don't like beef cattle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 15:30

Today, a week after my son was born via C-section, I received 3 messages from 3 different women saying that they had recently slept with my fiancé. One of them said they tested positive for herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 787

You deserved it 222

By even axe would smell better - 04/02/2014 18:55 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 571

You deserved it 3 599

By hatemyjob - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 476

You deserved it 6 662

By Cold feet - 07/04/2019 12:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 493

You deserved it 159

Alexa, play "Just Make it Stop" by Low

By Spanish Steps - 19/09/2021 07:59 - Spain

Today, I got stoned with the clowns at the birthday party I took my niece to. This is a new low point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 905

By GrLifeusx - 08/03/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 872

You deserved it 58 345

By Maria - 14/03/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 603

You deserved it 383

Losing

By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 571

You deserved it 2 814

By ironic driver - 04/09/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 4 596

By mocass’1 - 13/10/2008 08:19 - France

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 524

You deserved it 43 766

By Anonymous - 12/03/2019 20:00

Today, my friend was complaining about how she did not like Mexican food. Confused, I asked her whether she had even had Mexican food, to which she replied, “Yeah, I mean I’ve had Taco Bell.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 236

By Uniforms - 29/03/2017 12:00

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 502

You deserved it 401

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 622

You deserved it 6 996

By Nat3_2020 - 27/01/2015 14:02 - United States

Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 084

You deserved it 3 723

Red tape

By OnReceivingEnd - 28/07/2021 21:01 - United States - Peoria

Today, I contacted the Unemployment Office. I was told that I needed to send additional information, then that the information had already been received, and that the case would be reviewed. For the fourth time. I've been out of work for three months, and haven't received a dime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 77

By christian9294 - 08/02/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 894

You deserved it 55 554

By blawbo - 18/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 568

You deserved it 9 204

By Anonymous - 05/07/2012 13:38 - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 584

You deserved it 2 231

By WhatTheF - 11/07/2016 05:42

Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 822

You deserved it 1 107

By two-hours-to-pick-up - 09/10/2009 09:46 - Australia

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 994

You deserved it 10 753

By vikingunicorn - 23/05/2010 05:47 - Canada

Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 815

You deserved it 7 511

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Top comments

brookenicolee29 27

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

rocketgurl 15

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

rocketgurl 15

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

Wutdafuqq 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:44

Honestly, this isn't even an FML. Unless her parents are diehard catholics, it isn't even a big deal.

zanoty 17

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Sunday 22 March 2015 1:08

Are you just constantly on Fml? The last 3 fmls you were first second first haha

tiredteenager 16

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Sunday 22 March 2015 1:35

#22, is there anything wrong with that? This app is pretty awesome.

ekim300 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 2:48

Actually, it was her family. Not that it makes it any less awkward.. I just hope they were open minded.

ThatHorse 15

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Sunday 22 March 2015 7:06

I guess he didn't quite finger that answer out fast enough...

brookenicolee29 27

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

boredSOLDIER 33

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:18

Playing the guitar?

j_cat187 19

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Sunday 22 March 2015 3:45

playing her banjo!

jigglypuff34 16

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Sunday 22 March 2015 6:01

If she has a banjo, you have bigger problems.

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Monday 23 March 2015 5:26

Banjos are awesome.

Livin_Like_Larry 29

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Are you trying to send him a subtle message?

A07 48

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Sunday 22 March 2015 6:51

Do you not know what 'charades' are?

RiceCrispies 7

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Sunday 22 March 2015 18:24

Do you not know what sarcasm is?

EarlFug 19

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

G-spot!!

Driving_Gaming 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 17:08

EarlFug 19

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Monday 23 March 2015 2:17

Uh oh, I made a joke that wasn't a bad pun. Don't worry, I'll flog myself.

Specialbus 5

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

The maturity is strong in this one.

Llama_Man2000 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

You must have some very 'interesting' times in the bedroom.

kerstileann 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:49

fingering is considered "interesting"??

mellajella 14

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Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

19 - he's 14, I'm sure everything is interesting to him.

tiredteenager 16

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Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

Is drinking water "interesting" to you too?

MrConcise 34

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Sunday 22 March 2015 5:04

#28 - Depends what you lace it with.

iiTzNeeNerz 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 6:39

HA! Since when is fingering interesting? LoL! How to finger a girl 101: USE YOUR TONGUE.

iiTzNeeNerz 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 6:47

FML, he is 14.

limabeans101029 20

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Sunday 22 March 2015 12:53

47- One word for you: G-spot.

nmw404 6

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

I'm sure they can understand the confusion. More importantly... Did yall win?

cfojo 19

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

Clearly your boyfriend has no filter. Perhaps bringing him to family gatherings isn't the best idea..

Welshite 39

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

"No no no. That comes /after/."

ColonelCusswords 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

you shoulda established the "nothing dirty while you meet my family" rules

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 44

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 160

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 1 281

Disappearing act

Stressed out

Where's the beef?

Alexa, play "Just Make it Stop" by Low

Losing

Red tape

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