Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The...

By ajodasdojsad - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Expanding universe

Official meeting

By BedazzledAlpaca - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I mailed out a college application that is going to another country. I paid $250 for the application and $11 for shipping. I just realized that I forgot to sign the bottom of the application. FML

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By Doglover

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

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33017

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By Jill - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

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713

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By what the actual fuck - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

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By kaytay2469 - United States

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

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27099

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By pieceofcake163 - United States

ESPN Love

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

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11529

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By JessBaby - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML

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38095

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By newniece - United States

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

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By Lika1712 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

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By dazed and confused - United States - Tampa

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

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46489

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By Jayanka

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

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By MexyBoy - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

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By spasticock - Portugal - Barreiro

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

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By copmagnet - United States

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

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12465

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

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By suchatwat - 9/10/2020 05:02

Alas, poor Doggo

Today, I accidentally hit my dad in the eye with our dead dog's squeaky toy. He cried. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

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26634

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By imawesomeokay - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

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By firebombtimEFUCKERS - United States

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

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By sirttocs

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I remembered what I did in my sleep last night. Turns out, in my sleep, I grabbed her crotch and said, “Just making sure you’re not Shae.” Shae is her sister. FML

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By 20month dry spell

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

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By AbsentMindedGal - United States

Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML

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By Tressa95 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

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4554

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By fretting - United States - Fort White

Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Medication shutdown

Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses me more. FML

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42771

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By Miriden - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

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By fmlll - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

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By loveade11 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

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11670

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By nipped - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

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By fmylifebadddd - United States

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

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26917

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By noworkformeplease

Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML

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By janie - United States

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

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30527

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

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Top comments

By brookenicolee29 | 27

#6239471 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

By rocketgurl | 15

#6239470 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

COMMENTS

By rocketgurl | 15

#6239470 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

Wutdafuqq | 24

#6239535 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:44

Honestly, this isn't even an FML. Unless her parents are diehard catholics, it isn't even a big deal.

zanoty | 17

#6239564 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:08

Are you just constantly on Fml? The last 3 fmls you were first second first haha

tiredteenager | 16

#6239581 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:35

#22, is there anything wrong with that? This app is pretty awesome.

ekim300 | 26

#6239614 - Sunday 22 March 2015 2:48

Actually, it was her family. Not that it makes it any less awkward.. I just hope they were open minded.

ThatHorse | 15

#6239758 - Sunday 22 March 2015 7:06

I guess he didn't quite finger that answer out fast enough...

By brookenicolee29 | 27

#6239471 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

boredSOLDIER | 33

#6239519 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:18

Playing the guitar?

j_cat187 | 19

#6239646 - Sunday 22 March 2015 3:45

playing her banjo!

jigglypuff34 | 16

#6239728 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:01

If she has a banjo, you have bigger problems.

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6240727 - Monday 23 March 2015 5:26

Banjos are awesome.

By Livin_Like_Larry | 29

#6239472 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Are you trying to send him a subtle message?

A07 | 48

#6239750 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:51

Do you not know what 'charades' are?

RiceCrispies | 7

#6240157 - Sunday 22 March 2015 18:24

Do you not know what sarcasm is?

By EarlFug | 19

#6239473 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

G-spot!!

Driving_Gaming | 22

#6240107 - Sunday 22 March 2015 17:08

EarlFug | 19

#6240586 - Monday 23 March 2015 2:17

Uh oh, I made a joke that wasn't a bad pun. Don't worry, I'll flog myself.

By Specialbus | 5

#6239474 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

The maturity is strong in this one.

By Llama_Man2000 | 26

#6239478 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

You must have some very 'interesting' times in the bedroom.

kerstileann | 26

#6239542 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:49

fingering is considered "interesting"??

mellajella | 14

#6239588 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

19 - he's 14, I'm sure everything is interesting to him.

tiredteenager | 16

#6239590 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

Is drinking water "interesting" to you too?

MrConcise | 34

#6239695 - Sunday 22 March 2015 5:04

#28 - Depends what you lace it with.

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6239744 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:39

HA! Since when is fingering interesting? LoL!

How to finger a girl 101: USE YOUR TONGUE.

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6239748 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:47

FML, he is 14.

limabeans101029 | 20

#6239914 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:53

47- One word for you: G-spot.

By nmw404 | 6

#6239481 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

I'm sure they can understand the confusion. More importantly... Did yall win?

By cfojo | 19

#6239483 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

Clearly your boyfriend has no filter. Perhaps bringing him to family gatherings isn't the best idea..

By Welshite | 39

#6239487 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

"No no no. That comes /after/."

By ColonelCusswords | 24

#6239489 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

you shoulda established the "nothing dirty while you meet my family" rules