Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The...

By ajodasdojsad - 21/3/2015 15:12 - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

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Miscellaneous

Fear factor

Honesty is the best policy

Don't shoot the messenger

By Anonymous - 4/4/2016 22:46 - Switzerland

Today, my boss and I were bragging about our new phones. I unlocked mine to show its awesome display, and accidentally opened a job search app. FML

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By Thesuz - 6/9/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

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By lawdy - 21/5/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

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By Jaxter - 18/3/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

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By Jim - 25/1/2011 08:27

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

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By anonymous - 2/2/2010 17:32 - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2013 23:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

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By jcdc - 20/5/2012 15:03 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

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By acneface - 21/10/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

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By claudio117 - 8/4/2012 09:16 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

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By - 19/11/2019 14:00

He prefers the dog

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

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By jadehin - 8/11/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

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By High school senior - 31/8/2017 23:15

Today, I spent the first day of my senior year in the ER because my new ear piercing got so infected that the doctors had to cut the earring out. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2018 09:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 20:00

Captive

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

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By fuck my arse - 8/8/2013 22:15 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2013 13:56 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

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By Katy3225 - 6/6/2018 15:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

First Impression

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2019 23:00

Today, my husband argued that it's not cheating if he's using his brother's Facebook account to talk to other women, because they think it's him. FML

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By fonsui - 2/2/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

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By andibartle - 18/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Hello?

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2012 15:05 - Ireland

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

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By Snails - 12/6/2019 20:00

Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML

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By Becca_Jo - 6/1/2016 04:19 - United States - Caledonia

Today, I found out that the only reason my "friend" comes over to my apartment is so that she can charge her phone using my electricity, because she's too cheap to use her own. FML

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By Anon - 27/8/2015 08:37 - United States

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

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By anonymous - 18/7/2013 13:53 - United States - Woburn

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

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By -1 Pair of Pants - 30/5/2016 19:49 - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

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By Username - 25/5/2010 12:32 - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

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By Uncomfortable - 17/5/2013 07:21

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

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By Ben - 19/8/2013 06:21 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

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By Dani - 5/12/2014 21:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

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By Toasted - 29/4/2019 20:00

Shocking!

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

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By wtf bro - 20/3/2020 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

King Dick

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2012 01:41 - United States - Fairfax

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

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By *facefloor* - 24/7/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

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Top comments

By brookenicolee29 | 27

#6239471 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

By rocketgurl | 15

#6239470 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

Comments

By rocketgurl | 15

#6239470 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:02

Now his family knows what you guys like to do

Wutdafuqq | 24

#6239535 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:44

Honestly, this isn't even an FML. Unless her parents are diehard catholics, it isn't even a big deal.

zanoty | 17

#6239564 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:08

Are you just constantly on Fml? The last 3 fmls you were first second first haha

tiredteenager | 16

#6239581 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:35

#22, is there anything wrong with that? This app is pretty awesome.

ekim300 | 26

#6239614 - Sunday 22 March 2015 2:48

Actually, it was her family. Not that it makes it any less awkward.. I just hope they were open minded.

ThatHorse | 15

#6239758 - Sunday 22 March 2015 7:06

I guess he didn't quite finger that answer out fast enough...

By brookenicolee29 | 27

#6239471 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Well at least you know what his thoughts consist of

boredSOLDIER | 33

#6239519 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:18

Playing the guitar?

j_cat187 | 19

#6239646 - Sunday 22 March 2015 3:45

playing her banjo!

jigglypuff34 | 16

#6239728 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:01

If she has a banjo, you have bigger problems.

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6240727 - Monday 23 March 2015 5:26

Banjos are awesome.

By Livin_Like_Larry | 29

#6239472 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

Are you trying to send him a subtle message?

A07 | 48

#6239750 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:51

Do you not know what 'charades' are?

RiceCrispies | 7

#6240157 - Sunday 22 March 2015 18:24

Do you not know what sarcasm is?

By EarlFug | 19

#6239473 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

G-spot!!

Driving_Gaming | 22

#6240107 - Sunday 22 March 2015 17:08

EarlFug | 19

#6240586 - Monday 23 March 2015 2:17

Uh oh, I made a joke that wasn't a bad pun. Don't worry, I'll flog myself.

By Specialbus | 5

#6239474 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:03

The maturity is strong in this one.

By Llama_Man2000 | 26

#6239478 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

You must have some very 'interesting' times in the bedroom.

kerstileann | 26

#6239542 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:49

fingering is considered "interesting"??

mellajella | 14

#6239588 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

19 - he's 14, I'm sure everything is interesting to him.

tiredteenager | 16

#6239590 - Sunday 22 March 2015 1:44

Is drinking water "interesting" to you too?

MrConcise | 34

#6239695 - Sunday 22 March 2015 5:04

#28 - Depends what you lace it with.

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6239744 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:39

HA! Since when is fingering interesting? LoL!

How to finger a girl 101: USE YOUR TONGUE.

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6239748 - Sunday 22 March 2015 6:47

FML, he is 14.

limabeans101029 | 20

#6239914 - Sunday 22 March 2015 12:53

47- One word for you: G-spot.

By nmw404 | 6

#6239481 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:04

I'm sure they can understand the confusion. More importantly... Did yall win?

By cfojo | 19

#6239483 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

Clearly your boyfriend has no filter. Perhaps bringing him to family gatherings isn't the best idea..

By Welshite | 39

#6239487 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

"No no no. That comes /after/."

By ColonelCusswords | 24

#6239489 - Sunday 22 March 2015 0:05

you shoulda established the "nothing dirty while you meet my family" rules