Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head",... - FML

By kyyle - 11/1/2014 04:02 - United States - Chicago

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

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Everyone's an expert

Compassion

Live dumping

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/8/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

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By purpleivy - 6/9/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2019 02:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2012 16:11 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, I had given up on finding my makeup bag with cell phone and iPod my mom had bought for me recently. So I went to art to join the group of girls with whom I share the back art studio of my school. One of them was talking about how she'd ripped off some bitch's stuff, and she held up my bag. FML

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By SMRT - 13/1/2010 06:08 - Canada

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

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By GetHardOrGoHome - 31/3/2012 04:22 - United States - Chardon

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

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By Shouldaknown - 6/8/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

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By RetailJocky - 15/8/2017 13:00

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled in my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poo. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2012 17:57 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

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By Lonely - 24/7/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

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By LunaCrow - 10/2/2015 02:32 - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

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By Devildrake - 15/4/2015 22:32 - Australia

Today, I went into work early so I could get my work all done and leave on time, rather than staying back. The later shift starters had other ideas and called in sick. FML

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By jetlagged - 16/1/2011 17:17 - Sweden

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

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By thefailure - 2/8/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 04:10 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

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By Kailey - 28/10/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

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By youfuckingslut - 11/11/2012 19:11 - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into another car on the road. The worst of the damage was a slight chip to the other driver's paint, but she played it up so much that she ended up being taken away in an ambulance. I'm now terrified that the crazy bitch is going to sue me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

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By soulaar - 2/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower I noticed a short, black hair on my loofa. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

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By Lara - 8/1/2016 11:28 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

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By MrAries - 2/3/2016 11:45 - United States

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

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By runandmope - 29/7/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

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By cjhgvb - 6/11/2014 00:48 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

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By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

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By Good Parenting? - 26/6/2015 16:38 - United States - Columbia

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

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By fml - 19/1/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

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By blueberry_hill - 11/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

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By Good 2 have friends. - 28/12/2011 18:04 - United States

Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML

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By emma209 - 24/1/2012 18:07 - Canada

Today, it's -20°C outside. Half way through my thirty minutes walk to work, my boss pulled up beside me in her car, said "You look cold. I'll see you at work." And then drove away. FML

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By hilariousnow - 22/12/2009 08:46 - Vietnam

Today, with my girlfriend I planned a trip to Bali on this Thursday and we will celebrate Christmas together. Hotel booking done, flight tickets bought, swimsuits packed. I just forgot one thing: tell my boss I'll be on leave till next week. He gave me a new project. The deadline is next monday. FML

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By birthdaygirl - 11/3/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 21:59 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

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By Taylor - 2/7/2019 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who loves board games, to give me advice on a board game I'm making. I ended up crying in the fetal position. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 07:48 - Australia

Today, I awkwardly had to comfort my 32 year old friend when he broke down crying in the middle of a crowded McDonald's. Apparently they no longer serve barbecue bacon cheeseburgers. FML

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Top comments

By zoepie | 7

#5824215 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:37

Your school mates are all dicks, congrats OP!

By gracehi | 31

#5824225 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:42

Silly classmates. If you wanted to demonstrate "ugly" you would have pointed at their souls.

Comments

By zoepie | 7

#5824215 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:37

Your school mates are all dicks, congrats OP!

By Nickb55 | 16

#5824218 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:38

Were they being serious or were they joking?

Reply

SwimmerBoy16 | 15

#5825497 - Sunday 12 January 2014 21:38

There always a little truth behind every joke...unless they all have crushes on the OP... Hmm

Reply

GreatGeak | 8

#5825714 - Monday 13 January 2014 2:50

@46 i wouldn't say every joke, but this one would seem to likely be hiding some truth.

By Gassy_stevie | 15

#5824223 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:42

LOL that made my day

By gracehi | 31

#5824225 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:42

Silly classmates. If you wanted to demonstrate "ugly" you would have pointed at their souls.

Reply

unjustlychicken | 10

#5824285 - Saturday 11 January 2014 17:44

that was deep

Reply

euphoricness | 28

#5824491 - Saturday 11 January 2014 22:08

In the throat? Sorry I just had to....

By olpally | 32

#5824228 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:43

Assholes. Should've smacked one of them in the "head." Morons.

By ReignInBlood | 11

#5824233 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:45

Did you kick them in the shins afterwards?

Reply

buckeyed | 20

#5824240 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:52

Or headbutt 'em!

By jazzy_123 | 20

#5824238 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:50

Sorry about that OP. Don't let them bring you down. I really hope the hype of the game just made them excited and they're not actually assholes. I'm sure you're beautifully handsome :)

By underthesea12 | 24

#5824242 - Saturday 11 January 2014 16:53

Beauty is only skin deep.... but ugly is to the bone

By StompinOnCrayons | 15

#5824249 - Saturday 11 January 2014 17:00

They were just desperate to win, and weren't afraid to be dicks about it.
When it's their turn, repay the favour by yelling "moron trying to act out shit "

By frank48307 | 1

#5824270 - Saturday 11 January 2014 17:20

You should have motioned like you were giving a blowjob