Intimacy: Wanker

Wanker

By bongoboy - 25/04/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 395

You deserved it 6 245

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Same thing different taste

Sorry grandma

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 17:01

Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 03:44 - United States - Arcadia

Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 715

You deserved it 1 300

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 486

You deserved it 3 697

By Momlovesme - 08/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 253

You deserved it 17 460

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 309

You deserved it 3 702

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 974

You deserved it 261

By webcammistake - 17/03/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 103

You deserved it 75 830

By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/06/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 314

You deserved it 7 251

By Andrew - 24/09/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 278

You deserved it 4 585

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 421

You deserved it 2 688

LoveFifteen 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:56

Umm, since when does masturbating making you a pervert?

ZetsubouSensei 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:18

Haha, nice. But I say YDI for having sex-like pain noises, dude.

Comments

FMLSTL 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:10

first!

boomBOOMshake 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:13

Wow, that's really funny.

AtoZnumbersand_ 1

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:15

LOLOL im moderated this one. funny as. THIRD lol. Don't playa hate on me

Metzler31 17

Tuesday 16 February 2010 3:31

haha the first comment is gone on my iPhone, so now you're second! yay you! but that might be just me

missmontreal97 4

Wednesday 11 August 2010 14:44

it's me too

I_Deserved_It 8

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:16

#1, Good for you. Nobody cares. Ooh... my gums started to hurt reading this.

boomBOOMshake 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:17

Wait, sexual pervert? There are other types of perverts?

ZetsubouSensei 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:18

Haha, nice. But I say YDI for having sex-like pain noises, dude.

potatopeeler 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:25

How bad did you cut it that you had to make noise?

anonymousssss_fml 3

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:25

lol well that stinks for you. i hope you can convince her of what you were really doing. you could always show her the cut or something. good luck :)

toolman 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:26

lol grannies are soo funny

Spencer_CDS 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 16:29

Lulz ... senility, you say?

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 3 406

Today, after nearly a week of having laryngitis, I was finally able to talk a little again. Then I yelled at my son for leaving his shit all over the living room, strained my throat, and can barely even whisper now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 757

The Top

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Remember the show Honey Boo Boo? They seem sophisticated compared to the family of weirdoes I got to meet. It's almost got me reconsidering my planned proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 244

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 805

You deserved it 1 508

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 12 010

Today, I found out that both my boyfriend and his brother feel completely comfortable going into the bathroom and talking to their mother while she is on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 145

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 5 251

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 508

You deserved it 731