Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML
Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
Today, I embraced my inner child and went to a trampoline park with friends. I was having a blast until I attempted a somersault and ended up bouncing right into a group of screaming toddlers. I was escorted out by a concerned parent. FML
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Top comments
Muhfin 0
Did we really need to know about talking to your gf about having kids??? FYL for being a dork
glasswater 0
This is a) not an FML and b) horribly written and pretty much unintelligible. But from what I can deduce, you can't figure out revolving doors, which is sad. Don't think about having children again until you can figure out how to enter and exit a building.
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Comments (90)
PistenDeer 0
12000 people are ******* idiot. How the hell did he deserve this?!
chantellesmith 0
this is a) not a very nice thing to say and b) is an fml. k thanks bye :L
chantellesmith 0
sorry this was ment to be a reply but clicked the wrong button:L
Jimster1712 0
a story from china.. cool
kungfukittyrawr 0
what does this have to do with kids?
Midnightpearls 13
kind of badly written. the whole first sentence was full of superfluous information
bizarre_ftw 22
Well if you win and you two do decide to have a kid at least you won't have to worry about baby proofing the house. After that stunt I'm guessing your girlfriend is already planning on doing so
crazy4uboi 6
And speaking of children...
monkeey_bug21 7
Ahah that's funny but I hope your okay (:
RoamingHobo 9
What does the first sentence have to do with it?
MadJessTic 29
What does that have to do about having kids??