Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML
Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
Today, I embraced my inner child and went to a trampoline park with friends. I was having a blast until I attempted a somersault and ended up bouncing right into a group of screaming toddlers. I was escorted out by a concerned parent. FML
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Top comments
Muhfin 0
Did we really need to know about talking to your gf about having kids??? FYL for being a dork
glasswater 0
This is a) not an FML and b) horribly written and pretty much unintelligible. But from what I can deduce, you can't figure out revolving doors, which is sad. Don't think about having children again until you can figure out how to enter and exit a building.
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Comments (90)
poops3 0
I've been following FML for a year without signing up. I just signed up FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF COMMENTING HOW STUPID THIS ONE IS. HOW is this an fml? This is stupid. This is commonplace. Who DOESN'T run into doors on occasion? Ugh get this out.
nightsrequiem 0
Yeah, seriously...this has got to be the lamest FML I've ever read on here.
Compass 0
Don't revolving doors open both ways? At least the ones I've seen do.
bridgetoparadise 0
I cannot make sense of this. But you do sound like my flamboyantly gay male friend
lifesmysteries20 0
as i laughed at this, my lip split from being dry lol guess i'll get some chapstick before i laugh again
Spac3Ghost 0
lol =) FYL? =)
sophieneveu 0
i feel like this is a word problem and the first bit is the unecessary information that youre supposed to cross out.
AntiChrist7 0
You're gonna have some pretty stupid kids
elfranco_fml 0
#4 - if this is unintelligible to you, i pity you... btw OP... erm, yeh unlucky but i award you this EPIC FAIL token...
Spac3Ghost 0
hahaha ok well the point of the opening line was that it was a normal, alone, mature talk which did not deserve to get interrupted by a screaming friend trying to be funny =) but i guess it is useless, sorry =) it was meant to say "...having a mature conversation..." guess it got edited =/ haha yeah!! these chinese doors are wacko!! lol but it didnt spin me around =) my head managed to stop the momentum =) hey hey!! it wasnt that i couldn't tell how to navigate the entering and exiting of a building... i think i can =) its cuz i freaked out and bolted =) we were too close to the doors and by the time i saw where i was going, the door was all up in my face =) haha imagine you were talking about something calmly and you hear a scream and some luny is running to you with a machette? you're not gonna stand there for 20 seconds to assimilate what you're gonna do right? =) i tried running for cover =) just went the wrong way, which is funny cuz i ended up on the floor =) which that part got edited too =/ lol lol im glad some of you guys enjoyed my pain =) what does OP and "first" mean? =)
Broeman 0
That really doesn't explain much. It only gave me more questions. Why is this an FML? Why did you use smileys instead of, you know, punctuation? Why would you run away from a joking friend? Were you actually scared of him? How on earth did this FML get accepted?
Spac3Ghost 0
lol well i did smack my face ingo a glass door which was spinning really fast and i was running into it, get freaked out and yes i did run away =) haha =), i alwasys use smileys...its a habit...i really dont know hey?
morgaleigh 6
He had a machette? and you ran away leaving your girlfriend to fend for herself from what you thought was a crazy person wielding a giant knife? Thats messed up dude, what if it had been real? I guess that just tells your girl what to expect from you when there is real danger.
Spac3Ghost 0
haha no =) it was just an example =)
morgaleigh 6
If he didn't have a machete then don't say he had one cuz it doesn't help your case
bananapie62 0
lol ever get those kids u wanted or did u get dumped
GIRtastic 0
man, you guys are mean. the guy can't help if he lost his ball for a sec. that happens to all guys. so, he's a dork. big whoop. :/