Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML
Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML
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Top comments
alexphyllis 5
Better make sure he washes his hands first from now on, especially if they're up his ass.
SerendipityRose 26
If you guys go as far as having sex, when he enters, you should say, "Huh, feels like my pinky finger."
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Comments (121)
FDoA 1
That's disgusting. I think that at about that time, I'd just put my pants on & leave without saying a single thing, because, quite frankly, his comment was all that needed to be said.
livehappy 8
48 - It was pretty simple to read just once?
Lulblast 4
At least he knows himself inside and out!
BrysGirl27 14
Ummmmmm...he was just practicing? On himself?...alone...um...yeah...haha that's a little suspicious;p
melons 44
You'd be surprised what Bry gets up to when he's on his own.
BrysGirl27 14
Hahahaahahahah I don't even want to know. But I'm pretty sure he doesn't finger his butt
Hammer_918 0
That's ****** up
lajaynay 15
What the actual ****...
Epsilonyx 15
I hope he didn't smell his finger afterwards to make another unneeded connection. Also, I am probably never going to eat a Twix whilst browsing FML again.
Username626 3
Giggle fit ensued after reading this
Kbearlove23 0
Pretty descriptive if i must say
hatesfate 6
That's pretty ignorant to say considering you were whining about "homophobes" in a previous FML.
jayfreeman80 0
Good for him
ceejayy22 0
Hahaha omg that's gold!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
He sure was digging for it.